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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it ridiculous that DD's deny stupid things?

26 replies

clarycat · 07/08/2016 09:24

I really don't understand and think it's completely ridiculous that my DD's (14) deny silly things like having periods, plucking eyebrows and shaving legs and who else knows what?

These things are so innocuous to me!

OP posts:

Noonesfool · 07/08/2016 09:26

Deny? In what context?

Original poster

clarycat · 07/08/2016 09:31

Deny as in I ask them outright and they say no they don't do this/haven't started etc. It's virtually lying right?

OP posts:

TeaBelle · 07/08/2016 09:31

I did this as a teen. I was horrendously self conscious and didn't want to grow up. Plus my mum never talked about periods so when she tried it was excruciating (she took me to asda and asked what towels I wanted :/)

Standingonmytippytoes · 07/08/2016 09:33

Lied to my mum as a teen because if I'd admitted shaving my legs she would of said something. If I was talking about my period with her she would start talking about it in front of people. It's also embarrassing as a teen.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/08/2016 09:35

Maybe they just don't feel comfortable talking to you about it? If you find it so 'innocuous' perhaps they worry you'll bring it up in front of other people and not respect their privacy.

PotteringAlong · 07/08/2016 09:35

There is nothing I would have liked to have done less, then or now, than have that conversation with my mum. I would have denied it too.

OohMavis · 07/08/2016 09:37

Are you discreet? I hated my mother knowing about anything that was happening to me because she couldn't (still can't) keep her mouth shut about anything.

We still don't have the sort of relationship where she knows any intimate details at all about my life as a result.

Afreshstartplease · 07/08/2016 09:38

Completely normal I think

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 07/08/2016 09:38

I lied. It's embarrassing at that age. I learnt after admitting to my first period to my mum who 'stage whispered' to the rest of my family why she had given me a hug.

BertrandRussell · 07/08/2016 09:39

If you know, why do you ask them?

DIYTopTits · 07/08/2016 09:42

I told my mum when I started my period because then she could buy me towels but I was quite young when I started. I didn't tell her when I started shaving my legs, etc. Why should they tell you that?

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 07/08/2016 10:02

Clearly it isn't 'innocuous' to them.

Their period, their eyebrows, their legs.

FWIW, my teenage DD discusses everything with me. That's because she knows I respect her privacy and won't discuss her personal stuff with anyone else.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 07/08/2016 10:07

I remember finding it all mortifying at that age, and secretly buying bic razors with my lunch money so my mum wouldn't find out I was shaving my legs. Not that she would have reacted badly, I was just a normal embarrassed teen.

Isetan · 07/08/2016 10:08

She clearly isn't comfortable with you knowing this information, the question isn't why she denies it but why you think it's any of your damn businesses.

Original poster

clarycat · 07/08/2016 10:11

I guess thinking back and even now I wouldn't tell my mum those things but there's always the hope that it won't be like that in mine and DD'so relationship! However reading this I appear to be just like my mother lol!

I am discreet!

I think the eyebrow conversation went something like 'your eyebrows are looking lovely! Are you plucking them?' so I wanted to complement them on what a good job they are doing, but I guess to them it's embarrassing.

I shall just stand back and be proud of them for coping alone then!

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 07/08/2016 10:12

It's part of breaking away and forcing them only widens the gap. Also teens hate cool moms who want to be their best friend and chat about all that stuff. My dd is 24 and l just realised we never talked about shaving her legs. Obviously l know she dies but it has never come up. I get mine waxed but don't even think to mention it. We talked lots about periods when she was 10 until 12 but when they came we didn't talk much about it after that. They are finding their feet. Its tough for them. Let them lead the conversation and don't call them on a lie about legs as that's humiliating. Call them on lies about drink/ drugs/ who they were with. Give her space. Its all due to awkwardness. Do you remember being a teen?

tibbawyrots · 07/08/2016 10:13

Just stick to "your eyebrows are looking lovely!"

You wouldn't ask a friend if she were plucking hers, would you?

SabineUndine · 07/08/2016 10:14

I wouldn't mention personal stuff at all unless they do and even then, don't jump straight in. They need space and to set boundaries. They're not children any more.

MrsDeVere · 07/08/2016 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DIYTopTits · 07/08/2016 11:55

You call these things "stupid" in your thread title. They aren't stupid things to your DD. They are very big things because she is only 14. They are trivial to you because you are older and it's not new for you but you need to try and remember how you felt when you were first going through these things yourself.

CakeNinja · 07/08/2016 12:16

I never told my mum anything as she couldn't keep her mouth shut in front of her friends. How embarrassing at age 13 to walk into a room with her and her friends when she shouts out "Hey Cake, I was just telling the girls about the stained knickers I found in the wash basket yesterday." Lovely. Thanks.
I kept everything private and hated (and still do) anyone remarking on anything I was wearing/my appearance in general.
When my dd (12) started her periods, she was only just 11 and really struggled for a long time with their heaviness. I have changed countless amounts of bedding, chucked stained knickers and just been as discrete as possible - she knows she can talk to me about anything and that it won't go any further.

contrary13 · 07/08/2016 13:06

Never told my mother anything. I went to my oldest brother (who bought me my first bra, believe it or not - he's 14 years older than I am, and probably got his girlfriend at the time to step in and help) and my paternal grandmother (who only had sons) for advice. I still don't tell my mother anything personal.

My daughter... well, I know she waxes, rather than shaves, because she leaves the products all over the bathroom. I also know she colours in her eyebrows, because I've stood and watched her do it whilst she's ranted at me about various things. I also know about her preference of sanitary items (because I'm the one who buys them for her - other than that, and the "birds and the bees" talk... it's completely her business!).

Difference is... my mother would have made it all about her. My daughter has always known that I'm not like that.

Leave your DDs to it, OP. If they want to tell you, then they'll tell you. If they don't... well, you really don't want them to lie to you, do you?

Original poster

clarycat · 07/08/2016 13:54

Thanks everyone - some really sound words of wisdom here which I appreciate and I shall remember going forward. Hopefully I haven't done too much damage already!

OP posts:

Sugarlightly · 07/08/2016 18:26

I didn't discuss with my mum after she decided I was a few days late once (I didn't really keep an accurate diary of it) and decided that I must be pregnant so made me take a pregnancy test at age 13 despite me telling her vehemently that I had never ever even had sex

TimeforaNNChange · 07/08/2016 18:29

Who is buying your DDs razors if you're not?
My DD has had to be open about it to me and DH as she's under 18, so shops refuse to serve her and she asks us to buy them for her instead.

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