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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand baby shower gifts

21 replies

Rlily90 · 03/08/2016 18:52

So one of my friends is pregnant with her third child, first boy and it's her baby shower this Saturday. We are skint as we are moving house, have two kids and all the other reasons poor people are poor.

AIBU to give her a second hand bundle of boy stuff as a gift? I've got a 6 month old boy and most of it has never been worn. I'll cellophane and ribbon it all so it won't look like a bag of old bits. Also, I'm the only person there with kids, other than the host so will I look really stingy?

Thanks in advance guys 😀

OP posts:
Twowrongsdontmakearight · 03/08/2016 18:56

Personally I think baby showers are incredibly grabby. It's very kind of you to give some of your DS's unworn clothes that could otherwise be sold on eBay.

Amelie10 · 03/08/2016 19:04

I think as they are unworn it's perfectly fine. It depends where you are from but I don't think baby showers are grabby, I had 3.
Anyway I'm sure your friend will appreciate it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 03/08/2016 19:06

I think that's fine, it's the thought that counts after all.
I would just select a few new looking items and wrap nicely, rather than a huge bundle of clothes. Maybe buy some baby bath, socks or bibs to add in if your budget allows?

Sparklesilverglitter · 03/08/2016 19:07

I don't think baby showers are grabby. They are like weddings it completely depends on the individual it is for can be as grabby/tacky as you wish. Mine wasn't at all grabby and I've never been to a grabby one.

I would cellophane and ribbon them and take them along and most of it's never been worn anyway

Whatsername17 · 03/08/2016 19:13

I'm not into baby showers myself but whenever I go to other people's I never take a gift. I always take the gift when the baby is born. A few years ago I spent a small fortune on a gift for my cousin who thought she was having a little girl. Two months later she had a boy. I then bought the baby another, non-girlie gift so I essentially paid twice. The first gift was clothing and was never returned to me but was regifted to her niece (who i dont really know) who had a baby girl a few months later.

goddessoftheharvest · 03/08/2016 19:15

I think it's fine, would do the same myself and would be grateful if someone gave this to me

goddessoftheharvest · 03/08/2016 19:15

Also.....a baby shower for a THIRD baby?

Original poster
Rlily90 · 03/08/2016 19:23

Oh good. All of the other people with their "I'm single and rich" money are going on about yummy mummy bags and other things I wouldn't even buy myself! Because it's her first boy apparently everyone thinks she needs new everything. She isn't grabby at all, she has people to do that on her behalf!

OP posts:
doleritedinosaur · 03/08/2016 19:25

At mine several of my friend's gave me bundles their DC had grown out of, I loved this, I had clothes for up to 1 year.

My friend's mum spent 6 months picking up dinosaur clothes she saw with tags on in charity shops, I loved this too.

Had no idea they did baby showers for third baby though.

I guess it depends on the person but I don't see a problem.

maggiethemagpie · 03/08/2016 19:27

I would separate the worn from unworn. fine to give both though

BitchPerfect · 03/08/2016 19:33

Aren't they called 'Baby Sprinkles' for subsequent children?

Anyway, Your idea sounds great, but you could always just discreetly say some of the clothes are your sons, just so she doesn't end up on MN complaining?

altiara · 03/08/2016 19:35

I think it's fine but i know what you mean. Am going to DSis in laws baby shower this weekend. First child. And apparently she's gone crazy buying stuff as so excited but then do you rock up with nothing?! I think she has lots of friends without babies so I'm sure there's expensive buying going on whereas I'd prefer to wait for the baby to actually arrive. Have ended up buying lots of little bits and pieces, am regifting something fromDD that we had 2 of and spent quite a bit because I was feeling bad as I don't like baby showers Confused in an idiot.

LimeLeaves · 03/08/2016 20:16

I think she may well be offended if you give her second-hand things. Many people don't use anything 2nd-hand or they only accept hand-me-downs from family.

IMO it will come across as very stingy. It sort of implies you couldn't be bothered to choose something specially for her, but just wrapped up some stuff you had lying around or found in a jumble sale. Why not get a small cheap (yet new) gift instead eg a comforter, pair of boottees or a single cute babygrow from Asda/Tesco/TKMax? Spending a few quid on something new is far better than lots of things she may send straight to the charity shop. Or get something for the mum, her favourite chocolates or a cake?

Gymboree567 · 03/08/2016 21:21

why not pick up a pack of newborn nappies (around £2/3 in tesco/lidl)
At least it will be a present that gets used
If your budget allowed you could add some wipes or toiletries and cellophane wrap it, a useful gift and could cost as little as £5, she will probably be inundated with clothes as gifts anyway.
You could then offer her the clothes if she would like them

I made a nappies and toiletries gift for my friend and she was over the moon, it was her second baby but she had forgotten to pick up nappies! (Baby brain!)

lilyboleyn · 03/08/2016 21:35

I'm really sorry to say I wouldn't do second hand at a baby shower either, tho I am a frequent charity shopper and hand-me-downer. I would say get thee to the pound shop, pick up a bottle of bubble bath, a baby item and a bar of chocolate and wrap it up. £3 and done.

Wordsaremything · 03/08/2016 22:05

Boycott the whole thing. Feign ignorance and suggest she buys a baby bath instead. Much safer, surely.

stickystick · 03/08/2016 22:28

It depends on the person - I gather some people are mortally offended by second hand stuff. However at my baby shower, loads of people brought me their second hand stuff and I was delighted. The item which thrilled me the most was a nappy bin, given by a (very well off) friend who'd used it for her two children. But I also had second hand babygros and muslins, and even a cot mobile which I'd given to a friend for her first child ten years earlier. I was quite honoured in a way. But I must say I think I would have been a little less impressed if someone had given me second hand stuff that hadn't been used by their own kids. Illogical I know.

DeathpunchDoris · 03/08/2016 23:08

I hate baby showers for this very reason. Whatever happened to just being happy for each other instead of feeling obliged to buy gifts some of us cannot afford? Why not offer to help out after the baby is born instead of giving an actual gift? Or just stay away from the shower but continue to be a friend anyway.

AlpacaLypse · 03/08/2016 23:16

My standard gift for all baby showers is a very pretty card containing the words -

'I promise to pay the Bearer on Demand the sum of One Week's Worth of Nights of Baby Sitting'.

I'd have done it anyway, and I really can't be doing with all the crappy newborn baby gifts.

The other possibility is something useful for toddler age, when they've started to actually trash their clothes. I help out with a charity and we've really noticed how NO clothing for 3-5 year olds of either sex ever seems to appear in good condition, apart from party outfits. We think this is because that age group utterly destroys their stuff!

lazyarse123 · 03/08/2016 23:23

I think it's a lovely idea, don't feel guilty we don't all have money to spare. You sound like a good thoughtful friend. Your friend wouldn't want you to skint yourself for her.

SillyQu · 03/08/2016 23:27

My best friend gave me some bits that were her daughters and I love the fact we have photos of them in the same outfit a few years apart

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