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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Washing dirty linen in public

22 replies

Smurfnoff · 31/07/2016 19:55

A friend of mine (gay male) is currently on holiday. His ex lives in the resort, so he went to visit him whilst there. The ex has actually taken a photo of the empty chair after he left, tagged him on FB and posted a whole sob story about how said he is he's gone, and that the empty spot on the sofa at home is even sadder. He's also made a point of saying that he's asked my friend to go out there and live with him, but apparently this 'isn't enough, what more can I do'. Now his friends are chiming in, also tagging my mate, with 'Oh Dave, Adam is lovely and he's fit, what's the problem' etc.

Am I alone in thinking this is a) totally inappropriate and b) borderline stalker behaviour?

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 31/07/2016 20:04

Not washing dirty linen, or stalkery

Yes inappropriate and quite pitiful really

The ex needs to stop doing the pick-me dance and could probably do with some counselling to help him move on emotionally

DeathStare · 31/07/2016 20:06

YABU to think it's borderline stalker behaviour. There is nothing borderline about it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2016 20:09

If I were him I'd be tempted to put, "this is exactly why we aren't toghether" and defriend.

However, he went to see him. Why? Did he know the ex felt this way? Is he enjoying the adulation? Is there still something there?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 31/07/2016 20:10

Adam sounds unhinged. No wonder Dave dumped him.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 31/07/2016 20:16

I think the phrase is airing dirty laundry isn't it? I thought this was going to be a thread about people washing their clothes in a public water fountain or something Grin

I don't think it's stalking or even borderline stalking but it is inappropriate and really quite desperate. However with that said I (and presumably you) don't know exactly what happened/what was said when your friend visited him. Perhaps he was given a reason to think they would be getting back together.

Iamthegreatest1 · 31/07/2016 20:27

'Washing dirty linen in public', is equally correct.

CombineBananaFister · 31/07/2016 20:34

Well.... oversharing, emotional posts make me cringe but I'm just way too uptight, British and old for that shit. Seems like loads of people (especially younger generation) deal with stuff like this and its the norm.
Far too needy and a silly way of trying to sort out a serious issue IMHO bt there you go - horses for courses an' all that
YANBU

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 31/07/2016 20:37

Is it a regional thing? I can't say I've ever heard it before.

Lweji · 31/07/2016 20:42

Mostly too needy. FFS.
This would be the last sort of person I'd get back to, and Dave is well rid.
I'd privately tell all those friends to stay out.
As for you, as his friend, I'd show my support in ignoring all those pleas and emotional blackmail.

Original poster
Smurfnoff · 31/07/2016 23:22

Of all the things I expected, a debate over whether I used the correct expression wasn't one of them Hmm

Yes, I'm definitely staying out of this. I now know more about my friend's past relationship through FB than I do from him. I don't understand what possesses people.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2016 23:38

Of all the things I expected, a debate over whether I used the correct expression wasn't one of them This is Mumsnet...

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 31/07/2016 23:54

I thought the Grin would be a clear indication that my comment was lighthearted. Clearly I was wrong!

trafalgargal · 01/08/2016 00:47

Both are correct but really there's not much to say otherwise. If you want drama post on facebook, if you don't then ...don't

ImissGrannyW · 01/08/2016 01:35

I hope those aren't their real names.....

Original poster
Smurfnoff · 01/08/2016 08:22

Names changed to protect the innocent and the bonkers.

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OohMavis · 01/08/2016 08:26

Oh that's so cringeworthy. Adam needs to take a long, hard look at himself.

SquidgyRedBall · 01/08/2016 08:30

Goodness me! I'm cringing at the thought of this. Wonder how he will feel having this come up in his FB memories year after year once they've both moved on.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/08/2016 09:24

People deal with things differently. A FB friend of mine recently posted about being dumped by another FB friend of mine. The one who posted is a person who generally posts a lot on FB and uses it as a way of connecting with friends, feeling better about herself. I did think it was a bit odd that she not only named the boyfriend (most people would have known who he was anyway), but also tagged him, but that's her way with dealing with things and it did no real harm except to embarrass the ex boyfriend a bit.

MachiKoro · 01/08/2016 09:33

Ooh, I can't imagine why Dave left Adam, can you?
It must have been stifling for him poor chap.

Familyof3or4 · 01/08/2016 09:52

It's not stalker behaviour at all for me but it would make me run a mile if it were my ex-partner.
The weirdest thing is why others are chipping in in FB and asking what the problem is though.

ChicRock · 01/08/2016 09:55

Adam is behaving like a bit of a desperado, but there's something a bit cruel about keeping in touch with exes to the point that you go and visit them abroad, knowing they still have those feeling for you, so I think Dave's a bit of a knob too.

Original poster
Smurfnoff · 01/08/2016 13:29

ChicRock - He's a bit of a people pleaser, so if he's had the whole 'but you can't come all this way and not visit!' routine, I can imagine him going to keep the peace. He may well have inadvertently given false hope by doing so though.

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