Should I be bothered if my manager doesn't like me?

[daisychain01]

Prompted by another thread (the one about putting xxx at the bottom of texts), I was amazed that a couple of posters mentioned their manager doesn't like them.

For the first time ever, it has happened to me and I can't believe how much it has affected me. I mean it has really been making me feel shitty, self esteem through the floor, waaay more than if a colleague doesn't like me. Every previous manager, apart from one, years ago, I've got on with just fine. This one will do anything to make me feel small, useless and incompetent. I got a promotion with this role, but I'm beginning to wish I hadn't bothered. Is it worth the unhappiness?

If you work for someone who openly shows they don't rate you, can you let it go and still try to do a good job? Maybe it's more common than I thought, not that I want it to be - but I won't feel such a pillocks

I think you can, but not for long. The relationship you have with your line manager is the one which shapes your overall experience at work. If you can't change it and there's no feeling it's going to improve, I'd get out.

I'd also document what's happening. If it's not competency based, you could have grounds for a grievance. It's not professional to treat anyone unfavourably because of a personality clash, I've had to manage plenty of people I haven't particularly liked but they would never have known!

You're so right about it shaping your whole experience whirley. Also the fact that person is senior it colours everyone else's opinion negatively.

On the other thread two posters said their manager put xxx at the bottom of their texts and "they don't even like me". I was quite shocked!

I had a wonderful line manager who enjoyed working with her slightly eccentric team who was removed from the structure thus leaving us under the direct management of a woman who was more interested in facts and figures (and schmoozing with the Higher-Ups) and who was utterly baffled by us. She bullied me relentlessly (and other members of the team) and once she had confirmed ( by having me re-diagnosed) that I did indeed have aspergers, and was in fact deaf in one ear (and was therefore not at my best in spontaneous team meetings) redoubled her efforts to make me feel as shit as possible. I knew that the team couldn't survive the next round of budget cuts so continued to not chuck myself under a bus. But had I not known that the end was nigh, I would not have been able to continue working for her. An incompatible manager can make your life utter hell.

I have a wonderful manager who wouldn't dream of putting kisses in texts or emails. I know I respect her and she respects me and that's all that matters.

Do you mean "doesn't like you" or "doesn't rate you"? They're not the same thing. It's quite possible to think someone in your team is a bit crap at their job while still liking them as a human being. Equally possible to recognise that someone is crash hot at their job while loathing their bones.

I worked for someone who started off great- we collaborated on work for several hours every day.
I went on a big holiday, someone else started just before I went.
As I returned my manager became someone who just stopped speaking to me altogether and pointedly avoided me (so I could not ask what was wrong).
I ended up resigning as the atmosphere was awful.
I have never worked anywhere like that before. It is soul destroying.

I think it can make a working relationship untenable. I had a manager years ago who loathed me. Hated working mothers, and me in particular. He was truly vile. I ended up taking him to a tribunal for disability discrimination and winning (the company settled two days before the tribunal - my solicitor had said they would be laughed out of court), but even if it hadn't come to that I would have left. His opinion of me was of someone I just didn't recognise, and it decimated my self esteem.

My manager doesn't like me and it's ruined my self esteem and I would say is one of the key factors in me developing anxiety as I'm constantly on edge 40+ hours a week.

I've been on maternity leave for the past few weeks and it's made a massive difference being away from the atmosphere in work. I'll be taking a year off and once I return I'll be looking for a new job.

I would be bothered. Luckily I have a great boss now, we work well together and genuinely like each other.

But I've heard of one person that wants to leave because she's being picked on by her manager. Simply doesn't like her and is throwing her weight around. Luckily senior management have noticed (shows you how bad it is really!) and will be managing it next week but I feel so sorry for the lady concerned. It's upsetting when someone openly shows their dislike of you and has no discernible reason for it.

Thanks everyone for your comments as they are so significant to me. All the things you've said about the fact that yes it does, and should, matter, that it wrecks your self-esteem and wanting to walk away etc really get to me. I am by nature a sensitive person, just in terms of my relationships being in a good place. I've tried to toughen up, but only so much.

The painful part about it was that they interviewed me for the job and I really felt we would make a great team. Over time the rot set in, politics in the organisation have created battle lines and unfortunately I'm on the wrong side of those lines.

If I shared some of the things they've done to me, it would be very identifying, but save to say I identify hugely with words you've used like desimating self esteem and soul destroying. They are exactly how I've felt. It is comforting but saddening to me to read your thoughts thanks