Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL sending passive aggressive texts to son via me

33 replies

comfortblankie · 26/07/2016 16:50

WIBU to tell my MIL that I'm not her son's secretary and to stop asking me to tell her son to keep in touch with her?

We're on holiday at the moment, but even at the weekend at home she would text me, demanding that he would phone her asap.

It's never urgent or a crisis, but definitely if she carries this up she'll be like the boy who cried wolf.

OP posts:
KittensandKnitting · 26/07/2016 16:50

I'd send a message back saying

"have you lost his number? Here it is..."

RatherBeRiding · 26/07/2016 16:54

Why can't she phone him? Does he refuse to take her calls?

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/07/2016 16:54

My MIL tried this for a while, back in the early days when we were all still speaking (another thread). I was annoyed, told her to speak to him directly. He was livid with her. And told her if she wanted to talk ti him she knew where he was. He's not a child and I'm not a PA.

Kittens reply might do the trick. But it'll have more weight coming from him.

IJustLostTheGame · 26/07/2016 17:11

Pretend you haven't got the message. That's what I do.

LurkingHusband · 26/07/2016 17:17

Pretend you haven't got the message. That's what I do.

Bit PA ?

No need to pretend. You got the message. You ignored it. End of story.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 26/07/2016 17:20

Why has your mother in law got your mobile number?

blueturtle6 · 26/07/2016 17:21

I used to get this, started to ignore her, then mil started complaining to DH I was ignoring her texts. I quickly pointed out the irony.....

Lorelei76 · 26/07/2016 17:29

Id have words
If it turns she doesn't think he checks his mobile, tell her to take it up with him.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 26/07/2016 17:37

What do you do at the moment? Do you pass on the messages?

I would ignore them, then if she comments just say that you aren't his mother and you're not going to nag him on her behalf. In a nice tone obviously. It's not worth falling out over.

I've had similar with my mum when my DH was doing some work on her house. She kept ringing me to ask what he was doing. She seemed to be genuinely surprised, and maybe even a little shocked, that I have no idea where my DH is half the time, and I certainly don't know what he's doing.

Why has your mother in law got your mobile number?
Presumably because they are family?

Original poster
comfortblankie · 26/07/2016 17:41

At the moment I try my best to ignore them, until maybe bed when I lose my nerve and give out to DH that I'm not a go-between. Not the best approach, I know Sad

@Cuboidal - Hmm

OP posts:
MrsSippy · 26/07/2016 17:52

Why has your mother in law got your mobile number?

Presumably because she's family...Confused

MrsSippy · 26/07/2016 17:53

X-post Coffee!

Pickitup · 26/07/2016 17:54

Just ignore.

yummycake123 · 26/07/2016 17:56

I had this problem with an ex. He was rubbish at keeping in touch so his sister would message me things like: "Please tell X Mum misses him and it would be nice if he made the effort to call her"...

I told her to please talk to him directly because I felt uncomfortable being in the middle. And she stopped...
But I'm a bit blunt and to the point.

My mum is trying to do the same thing with me and my brother; she complains to me that my brother never calls her and asks me to tell him to call! Hmm I keep telling her she can call him and tell him how she feels, he's her son...

DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2016 17:57

I'd just reply that I'd passed on the message but that he's ignoring me too! He really needs to deal with her himself.

ClopySow · 26/07/2016 18:46

Why has your mother in law got your mobile number

Wha..?

KittensandKnitting · 26/07/2016 19:55

I'm shocked by the question why has your mother in law got your mobile number

Seriously...

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 26/07/2016 20:02

I wouldn't dream of giving my

Arfarfanarf · 26/07/2016 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 26/07/2016 20:07

Number to my in laws. Why would they need it? I'm not their child. In 30 years they have never communicated with me directly, nor would I expect them to either want or need to.

KittensandKnitting · 26/07/2016 20:47

Each to their own, I find it strange but maybe you have issues with your inlaws.

i consider mine family and DP considers my mother and brother family. If anything ever happened to me then I'm quite happy that DP can contact my mother and visa versa of anything happened to him then id want to inform his parents.

LellyMcKelly · 27/07/2016 02:38

Get your husband to tell her. I'm in the same boat - my SIL and BIL came last week and made all the arrangements through me, not him. He showed up for the meal 3 hours later. We are bloody mugs.

VioletBam · 27/07/2016 02:47

My MIL does this. I've just had a row with DH about it. It's HIS fucking Mother.

HE needs to be the one.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/07/2016 02:48

So, does your DH avoid calling her? Not judging him if he is, he may have a good reason, maybe she calls him 10 times a day. But he needs to deal with the issue directly with his mother and tell her that you are not a relay service.

pimmsperfecto · 27/07/2016 03:08

Why don't you just block her number?