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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU DCs sleeping with parents/grandparents

24 replies

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 23/07/2016 07:09

DH and I have got into a disagreement over something very hypothetical...

'Backstory'. We have a 3 bed house. It's specific to DHs job so we'll be here for the short to medium term. We have two generous doubles (could comfortably get a single bed in too) and a single room. At present, we have a big room, DS (nearly 1) has the little room and the other double is set up as a guest room with a desk that DH uses. If I work from home, I use the dining table as I need a lot of space.

So, we hope to have another dc at some point in which case DS will move into the big room and the baby will have his room. We've been talking about how to give DH a desk and also how to have a provision for guests, which is where we disagree.

I think that we should put a good quality sofa bed in the big room with ds for when guests come to stay. Then ds can either sleep on a camp bed/zed bed in our room or the baby's room or, if it's GPs staying, maybe even stay in with them.

DH is firmly against him either sleeping with us or GPs as it's 'weird'. He grew up in a big house, I grew up in a three bed and part of the fun of people staying was snuggling up in a camp bed in mum and dads room. I'd love to have enough room not to do it but we simply don't have the space!

AIBU? Is this weird?

(I'll not mention that ultimately DH wants to put dcs in together to reclaim the little room as a study, in which case he thinks we can fit a desk for both of us in as well as a double sofa bed. We can't. You could technically fit a double bed in there but you wouldn't be able to get in or out!)

OP posts:
branofthemist · 23/07/2016 07:14

I don't think it's weird. but then when we visited relatives in Ireland we all bunked where we could. There could be 6 in one room.

I assume the baby will be sleeping g in your room til 6 months. After that why not just put both kids in the big room? Then you have your study?

Chrisinthemorning · 23/07/2016 07:20

DS (4) is asleep next to me now.
Sharing a room or bed with your child isn't weird. I think children like to have their own room but to have to move out when guests come is entirely normal imo.

Catsize · 23/07/2016 07:25

It's really not weird. Get DH a tent, put DS in with you and guests in DS' room if he prefers??

MissBattleaxe · 23/07/2016 07:27

Why on earth would it be weird? Wait til he's a dad. Maybe he'll see then. I love having one of the kids in with me. As for them sharing a room-mate usually works better if they are the same sex and the age gap isn't too massive.

Penfold007 · 23/07/2016 07:28

What does your H suggest should be done, give up his desk, not have guests?

Original poster
lastnightiwenttomanderley · 23/07/2016 07:28

bran yes, that's the plan, which makes total sense, but still has the same issues re guests.

I should add that dcs wouldn't be sleeping in the living room either as this is also weird. Admittedly, I'd rather they stayed in someone else's bedroom rather than the living room but I'm running out of 'non weird' options!

OP posts:
LifeIsGoodish · 23/07/2016 07:31

He is being weird.

WhooooAmI24601 · 23/07/2016 07:35

DS1 is 10 and when MIL last visited we also had my Dad and his DP staying in our guest bedroom so MIL shared DS1's bedroom. DS2 was miffed not to have MIL in his bedroom so he also bunked in there. Nothing weird about it at all. Your DH is being hypothetically U!

abbsismyhero · 23/07/2016 07:39

I thought this was going to be about CO sleeping! Grin never mind

Btw he us being weird

JudyCoolibar · 23/07/2016 07:50

So if it's weird for the DC to sleep in either an adults' room or the sitting room, does he have any suggestions that he doesn't view as weird? There's not a lot left, is there, other than even weirder alternatives like the bath?

louisejxxx · 23/07/2016 07:54

Your dh is being weird! I vividly remember a summer party/bbq when I was 5 when all sorts of relatives and friends stayed over. My dad & his mate slept top and tail on the sofa, my mum & the wife of my dad's friend and their son slept in a double bed, my cousin slept in my bed and I slept in my Wendy house!

1frenchfoodie · 23/07/2016 07:55

Not weird at all.

Oakmaiden · 23/07/2016 07:57

Uh - you could give the guests your room and you and dh could sleep on the sofa downstairs? Other than that, I am out of ideas.

For what it is worth - I wouldn't put my children to sleep in the same room as guests (even my parents) because I think part of being a host is offering your guests a bit of privacy if at all possible. No issue at all with them piling in with me though. It happens regularly!

Jengnr · 23/07/2016 08:01

The only weird thing here is your husband. I think his study is going to be a dream for a while too.

Pimmmms · 23/07/2016 08:05

My ILs won't stay at any children's houses if it means grandchildren having to move out of their bedrooms. They don't want their grandchildren's routines disrupted. They stay at the nearest hotel or b&b instead. While very considerate in one way, it meant we always paid for a larger place than normally needed just so they could visit regularly (they live on the other side of the world).

onecurrantbun1 · 23/07/2016 08:08

Yeah part of the fun of holidays is all cramming in a Premier Inn room, we don't have any family who would come and stay but I imagine it's the same with having guests! We all swap around at weekends too - if DH is going out late DD might come in with me and him go in her bed, or the big two might share a room as a Saturday treat. Your DH is being weird.

SemiNormal · 23/07/2016 08:10

There may be very valid reasons why your DH feels this way, he may not want to discuss them?

I think you should ask your DS what he thinks, if he doesn't want to sleep in with GPs then he shouldn't have to IMO.

What I would do in that situation would offer up my room and me sleep on the sofa or on an airbed in the living room for the guests duration. I personally wouldn't want my child to give up his bedroom, I recall having to do so as a child and feeling really upset about it, like my space had been invaded - I also remember feeling like my bed had been dirtied by other people (Yes, I was a strange kid).

roundtable · 23/07/2016 08:12

My mum sleeps in the spare room... where little people creep across the landing in the night to visit her. Grin I wish my mil was still alive as she would have absolutely loved it too and they were too little to do it before she was alive.

I think your husband is being weird but is this coming from him or is it that he thinks or has been told that it would be an unsuitable arrangement?

Did he grow up in a no children in bedroom house?

The gps will probably love it but maybe have the conversation with them first. and point them in the direction of a hotel if they disagree

Cheby · 23/07/2016 08:16

How is it weird for kids to sleep in the same room as their parents?! My 3yo is in with us pretty regularly, especially when we all want a lie in at the weekend (she wanders through about 5, climbs in the middle and we all get another 1-2 hours). But then we did cosleep when she was a baby.

We have 4 bedrooms and one child at the moment, so we have two which can be used as guest rooms, but at Christmas we had my mum and step dad, MIL and my step GM staying over, so we put a blow up bed in our room for DD, and each set of guests had their own room. DD LOVED it! She thought it was the most exciting thing ever.

We've since bought a super-king so probably wouldn't even bother with the blow up bed, she could just come in with us (unless DH was planning to have more than a few drinks, at which point I'd get the air bed out because he's a very heavy sleeper after a drink, DD is still very slight, has a habit of cuddling right up to us while she sleeps and I wouldn't want her to get an arm rolled on or anything).

Purplebluebird · 23/07/2016 08:23

Haha, no that is not weird at all! Your husband is weird for thinking it's weird :P

Cineraria · 23/07/2016 08:36

Could you put a bunkcot in the small room so they share from when your youngest leaves your room?

I don't think it's weird, by the way; I bought an extra large co-sleeping cot (Babybay Maxi) in the hope that DS would stay in with us until he is big enough for a proper bed but it turns out he is too excited to sleep when we're around.

Smurfit · 23/07/2016 09:23

My nieces/nephews would sleep in their grandparents room when babies to give them a break. Dad would often be the one getting up to them and happened to love it (even if he pretended to be grumpy).

Now they're older, the kids will shar the large room, or if there's more adults, they'll share with their parents. Personally I don't think its weird. But has he considered what to do if the children are of opposite sex?

Original poster
lastnightiwenttomanderley · 23/07/2016 10:55

Phew! I was quite worried that I had some warped view of this!

SemiNormal - it's not likely given his family set up and probably more to do with his own upbringing which was a bit...well...Victorian to be honest!

Cineraria Wow! That's pretty epic! DH did suggest that two children could share the little room so we could keep the big room for guests but I really can't see the logic in cramming both of them into a tiny room whilst keeping a huge room for the 10-15 days a year we have guests.

Smurfit Realistically, we'll probably be out of this house in about 5 years time so they'll only be sharing for a short period (if at all, as I suspect we may just leave DC2 in the little room, but I have to leave the option open :) )

OP posts:
BakewellSliceAgain · 23/07/2016 10:59

As a kid I loved sleeping on the floor in my parents room - on a camp bed or blow up mattress. Now I'd cry!

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