To not pass on my children's clothes

[Peanutpickle]

So basically my sister in law lives not far from us and has a dd that is in between my 2 dd in age. Before my 2nd was born we had chatted and said if i had a boy then her ds could pass me down clothes and my dd could pass her clothes - I had a dd so now want to keep the clothes from dd1 for dd2s use. Recently she asked if I had a few weather specific things and I ended up giving her a small bag of clothes neither of them are using. Then I find out from mil she's been sorting through her dds clothes and was going to charity shop loads of (nice) clothes rather than pass them to dd2. I'm confused! Also she passed my dd1 clothes that a friend had passed onto her from her child - I said no, keep them for your dd but she insists my dd1 uses them first. Aibu to not want to pass on my dd1 clothes to her dd as I have a dd2?

No, just say you are keeping them for you dd2. I have two ds and I only hand on clothes when dd2 has outgrown. Which to be fair means they are usually fit for the bucket!

YANBU. Passing on clothes (or, more specifically, the expectation that you will pass on clothes) is just an arse-pain you don't need. I have a couple of friends with younger DSs (and I do sometimes offer them certain things, which they are free to take or decline, but they certainly don't expect), but none with an older DS, so I know exactly where I stand with regard to sourcing my son's clothes, and I reckon that's the easiest way.

Is the age gap so big that you can't blag it a bit? "Oh sorry DD2 is growing so quick she'll be in very soon so I'll hang on to it." "Sorry it's going straight from DD1's drawer to DD2's drawer nowadays."

That's probably one for the future yes, at the moment they're only small and there's almost exactly a year between each

You could just say it's not fair on her or her DD to have to keep your DD1's clothes in decent condition to be returned for DD2's use- things will get worn out or stained beyond saving, and you wouldn't want her to be worried about not being able to give them back or having to replace them- or only pass on DD1's clothes if you're not bothered about getting them back!