Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to let DS sleep with his girlfriend in our house..yet.. but when?

221 replies

Doingmybestmum · 20/07/2016 16:42

DS is 17 and so is his girlfriend (who is v lovely). She stayed over a while ago and he ended up in her bed - I don't think anything happened but I wasn't best pleased. They have been together for 2 weeks. AIBU and old fashioned? When is enough time passed? Any thoughts would be gratefully received... thanks.

OP posts:
swelchphr · 21/07/2016 18:47

I wasn't allowed to have boys sleep in my bed overnight when I lived at my parents. It was a house rule that was expected to be respected. If they don't like it, go to her house. Your house, your rules.

Zbag14 · 21/07/2016 18:48

And of course 17 year olds have that kind of relationship. I met my partner when I was 17.

BoopTheSnoot · 21/07/2016 18:52

I was 17 and my now DH 18 when we got together 11 years ago. He used to stay over at my parents' house of a weekend and I had to sleep in the spare room.
That being said, it didn't stop us dtd. We just did it when my parents weren't home.
In fact, we did it less when we stayed at his parents', who let us stay in the same room.
Forbidden fruit and all that.
What I'm getting at, is that if they're going to have sex there isn't much you can do about it. They are both of age. As long as they're being careful I'd just let it go unless you are uncomfortable with them sleeping in the same bed. Your house, your rules.

EllyMayClampett · 21/07/2016 18:59

Your house your rules.

You have to make rules that fit with your values and concerns.

Children can make all their own decisions, when they are mature enough to go out in the world and be independent. DC living at home are still relying on mum and dad in many ways. Having to put up with parental rules is just part of not being grown up and self-sufficient yet.

MrsJayy · 21/07/2016 18:59

A fortnight is hardly a LTR i wouldnt be allowing random girlfriends staying over what her parents do is none of your business

hks · 21/07/2016 19:00

if it were my son he'd be advised to wait until he really knew each other l before jumping into bed ...i hope they are BOTH taking precautions

MrsJayy · 21/07/2016 19:01

And you cant stop them having sex regardless of who stays where

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 21/07/2016 19:24

Oh god I'm dreading this when my sons get older. It's not the having sex bit, it's not wanting to feel awkward in my own house.
My brother asked my dad if his gf could stay over ONCE, then she stayed again, then once a week, until she was living with them for half of every week. She was quite unstable and we were all walking round on eggshells a lot of the time, it was awful.

And a friend of mine was caught off guard when her teenage son came home one night and asked if a 'friend' could stay over. She said yes then heard them shagging all night, female friend was very noisy. Then went down in the morning to find friend walking round wearing nothing but her son's T-shirt. And then never saw the friend again after that.
I would not want that kind of awkwardness in my home.

alig99 · 21/07/2016 19:24

As the mother of a daughter who slept with her boyfriend at his parents house. I would have appreciated his parents letting me know. Whichever way you decide PLEASE council your son on protective sex. I say this because it is the girl and her family who in many circumstances end up supporting her and any baby that comes a long and that is forever.

Marysunshine · 21/07/2016 19:42

17 and after only 2 weeks - no way.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 21/07/2016 19:43

Your house. Your rules. Personally I think they should be together longer, and be 18

MyMurphy · 21/07/2016 19:51

I worry at so many of you say that they expect their kids to have sex at 16 plus. What if they don't want to? Where do you draw the line when you are talking to them, If you say "that is expected" then how do they say no? (genuine question)

SirVixofVixHall · 21/07/2016 19:55

I wasn't allowed to share a room with DH until we were married, even though we lived together for a few years and didn't marry until I was 39. I was fine with that. Their house, their rules. We slept in separate rooms and didn't creep around at night . I am not going to let my dds have boyfriends to sleep over until they have left school and are 18, and only then if it is a well established relationship of some months duration. I think teens can get pressured into sex well before they are ready, and home can be a safety net if boyfriends aren't allowed to stay over. I may well raise that to 21, lets see how I feel in a few years!

MapMyMum · 21/07/2016 19:59

Theyre going to DTD if they want to, somewhere. For me Id rather it was in a safe place. It is a short amount of time to have been together, however they are both over the legal of consent so theres not really a lot you can do if you want to keep an open relationship with him. Have a frank talk about contraception if you havent already and about respecting women

lisap45 · 21/07/2016 20:30

I think no matter what your age you just have that respect between parents and children. Me and my husband would always make sure the kids didn't hear us etc. Lol. If they are sleeping in the same room it sets of that uncomfortable ness especially given the ages and knowing that's probably what most of them want to be doing lol.
All parents are different I suppose with different rules etc. If your not comfortable with it then that should be respected. Don't you remember being a child and sat with your parents watching TV...then the dreaded kissing comes on and you just feel soooooo awkward lol.

LizzyELane · 21/07/2016 20:51

Wouldn't be up for this myself to be honest. My mother used to allocate me the dining room for boyfriends when 17. Used to wedge a chair against the door handle, supposedly to keep my younger brother out, but secret bonking going on!...Blatent sharing of beds at 17 and only 2 weeks in, no thanks, not in my house!!

RufusTheReindeer · 21/07/2016 21:21

My mum was convinced that you could only have sex at night...in a bed

Bless her

PortiaCastis · 21/07/2016 21:41

*Rufus Unlike my Mum who fornicates in my house while having an afternoon nap with my new Dad. She has just recently got married so earphones are my friends.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 21/07/2016 21:45

My mum was convinced that you could only have sex at night...in a bed

I can top that. My mum was totally oblivious to the fact that Dale Winton is gay.

Even accused me of having a downer on "nicely turned out, polite men" when I had to break it to her that her fawning adoration was unlikely to lead anywhere even she ever did get the chance to meet him.

She remains unconvinced that I'm not making it all up. Hmm

ArsMamatoria · 21/07/2016 22:07

When I was that age my parents were very relaxed about my sharing a bed with my (long term) bf.

His mother always made us have separate rooms.

Didn't make a blind bit of difference to the tons of sex we were having Grin

They're definitely at it. Just make sure they're using protection...

MaQueen · 21/07/2016 22:19

17...only together 2 weeks...? Not in this house...not a chance.

tanfield90 · 21/07/2016 22:23

Never fails to amaze me how many parents clutch their pearls at the thought of someone having sex in their house, when that someone isn't themselves. Defies logic, common sense, I don't know. Can't they bear it ?

marblestatue · 21/07/2016 22:34

Have I fallen into some kind of timewarp back to the 1960s???

The 60s? The decade of the sexual revolution, free love, the introduction of the pill, hippie culture and "Make love not war"? Grin

Eiram49 · 21/07/2016 23:02

I don't care how "old fashioned" I'm perceived to be- it would t be happening in my home! And 2 weeks?! Please.....

A1Sharon · 21/07/2016 23:06

marble I doubt too many were actually living that life...well maybe during the week, but when they went 'home' at the weekend the boyfriend was in a different bedroom, I'd wager!!Grin