not to let DS sleep with his girlfriend in our house..yet.. but when?

[Doingmybestmum]

DS is 17 and so is his girlfriend (who is v lovely). She stayed over a while ago and he ended up in her bed - I don't think anything happened but I wasn't best pleased. They have been together for 2 weeks. AIBU and old fashioned? When is enough time passed? Any thoughts would be gratefully received... thanks.

And I totally agree with theroot - knowing someone for two weeks is far too soon for a sexual relationship for young people or older ones for that matter.

He's 17. You can't stop him. Yes. I know it's hard to imagine your little boy having sex, but. You're just fooling yourself in thinking 2 teens shared a bed and nothing happened. My attitude is. It's better under my roof than in a park. Putting it bluntly you'll never stop teens shagging, so if you don't let them do it under your roof. I guarantee they'll find somewhere else.

My issue here is she is essentially a stranger in your home.
If this was a guy he has met at College who wanted to kip on your floor would you be ok with that? After knowing him two weeks?
I wouldn't be happy with that element.
I'm in my 30's and we had strict rules at home growing up which made me feel sex was bad! So I'm
Not inclined to make it so taboo but I like the PP's solution of no one stays until they have been together/ friends for 6 months.
That way everyone knows where they stand on who the new person is!

and I totally agree with theroot - knowing someone for two weeks is far too soon for a sexual relationship for young people or older ones for that matter.

Gosh, I'll let my partner know! We were 'intimate' from day one. It's now been 7 years and one child, but we obviously rushed into things . Once again, it's perpetuating that sex is wrong for one reason or another. It doesn't matter if you have known each other 5 years of 5 hours, what two consenting people of legal age do really isn't anyone's business. What is important is teaching safe sex and respecting each other, that you shouldn't feel pressured to do it when young, but there's no shame in wanting to either - even if it has 'only been 2 weeks'. Safety and consent is paramount, not time and a ring on your finger.

When they're married. .
You do know we're living in 2016 not 1620 don't you. .

zzzzz - I agree with you. That was a horrible response to someone's personal beliefs! Nothing wrong with waiting until marriage if that's what you choose to do. Your body, your choice. I also wouldn't let DD bring a guy home to shag that she met earlier that night. Would find it very odd that any parent would be ok with that!

If you let your legal-age teenager have sex in your house, you're not "facilitating" their sex life. You're just making sure he has sex somewhere safe. No 17-year-old needs their mum to facilitate if they want to have sex.

As I said upthread, it's pure hypocrisy to refuse to allow them to have sex in your home but then turn a blind eye to them having sex anywhere else.

2016 and not 1620 ??

So this is progress then, is it?

I wouldn't want my 17 y old having sex while I was in the house.

Nor would I have had sex myself at 17 if my parents were in the house. Cringe

We preferred to do it elsewhere!!

He lives in your house, he still has to respect your wishes IMO. But on MN when the DC turn 18 they get to do whatever the fuck they want apparently.

But on MN when the DC turn 18 they get to do whatever the fuck they want apparently.

Except leave home because they're still 'children' and not fully adults!! MN is a very, very odd place.

You can't say "your body your choice" when you try to dictate where, when and how and with whom your dc has sex!

Yy tatty

I wouldn't have wanted to do it under my parents roof either. It would have taken away every bit of excitement, and secrecy and probably made it rather dull.

You could say not until you've been together for X amount of time. Or that your saying no right now but will re think once his 18 in November.

Do whatever fells right for you OP!

When I was young ( how I miss being young) at first my parents said no boyfriends can stay over but could come round and visit as long as they went home and I don't know what my parents thought we were doing in the bedroom. I think once my parents realised that made no sense because we were doing it anyway they said boyfriends can stay but no random 1 off casual sex boys can stay which I always respected and I wouldn't of wanted to take a one night stand home to see my parents on his way out in the morning can you even imagine

No Sex before marriage, Very outdated
Shouldn't be in a sexual relationship after 2 weeks at any age, I'll just tell DH that we done it all wrong.
Having a safe sex talk, This is a good idea can't rely on schools to teach and a reminder about condom not relying on girls that say I'm on the pill.

Dd is 17 now and this time next year will be leaving home for uni. She has a part time job and when she's home will do a lot for me. She knows how to cook and clean she knows that it's a big bad world out there and is not molly coddled. She's also out training tonight for boardmasters which I'm not very keen on her doing but she's paid for her lessons from her own money.
She doesn't know that there is money in trust for her, that's for giving her a start on life after uni.
I think she is a well grounded young lady who has had to cope without her Father
We all have different circumstances and I believe I've done my best.

I don't think at that age they should be in a sexual relationship after two weeks & they'd definitely not be sleeping together in my home. I don't at all think they need to be married or committed for life, but I do feel there should be trust & love involved at that age, not just random shagging. If/when I did let them stay over it would be permission for that person to stay over, not open permission to have subsequent b/gfriends staying over.

I don't think at that age they should be in a sexual relationship after two weeks & they'd definitely not be sleeping together in my home.

How about at a mate's house? Or at a party (after a few drinks)? Round the back of a club?

How about at a mate's house? Or at a party (after a few drinks)? Round the back of a club?

Or how about, not at all, after only 2 weeks? And how about the girlfriend is under pressure to have sex because they're allowed to sleep in the same bed in comfort? It adds to the pressure and that's not good.

Why is a parents responsibility to facilitate their Teen doc having sex "somewhere comfortable and safe "???
Casual shag dates, no chance.
In a relationship for a few months yes, but not because I'd prefer to know they were comfortable and safe. If they are old enough for sex they can find their own fucking venue.

And how about the girlfriend is under pressure to have sex because they're allowed to sleep in the same bed in comfort?

Wow, seriously? Thats a terrible assumption about the OPs son. And stop trying to shame anyone who has sex earlier in their relationship. Here's a newsflash, women enjoy sex as well, you have no idea about if both/either of them are really not interested or are glad to actually have a bed to do it in other than sneaking around.

18 and in a relationship of at least 3 months i would say

Hasnt come up yet

And i have said this on a previous thread but dh and i have spent the last few years sneaking around and trying to fit shags round children being in the house or sleeping

The least they could do is have the fucking decency to do the same