not to let DS sleep with his girlfriend in our house..yet.. but when?

[Doingmybestmum]

DS is 17 and so is his girlfriend (who is v lovely). She stayed over a while ago and he ended up in her bed - I don't think anything happened but I wasn't best pleased. They have been together for 2 weeks. AIBU and old fashioned? When is enough time passed? Any thoughts would be gratefully received... thanks.

Bit why should it be discouraged

Its two people consenting to do sometbing with their ownbody.

Why shluld a piece of paper witten ny strangers give permission.

Its supposed to be enjoyed. Akd some people are just not good together sexually.

Is divorce any better? Or should people be misurable and sexually frustrated

zzzzz it was not vile. As for being 'open minded' about only having sex within a marriage, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one. There is nothing to justify having to wait until you've signed a piece of paper to have sex. It is old fashioned, and just a way of controlling people (by people, I mean women). Marriage is a good thing from a legal point of veiw, but not a sexual one. I think it's awful young people are still being made to feel ashamed of a perfectly natural thing because of these old fashioned views.

Personally I couldn't imagine anything more horrific as a teen than having sex in the room next to my parents. I'm in my thirties now and the idea still does not appeal on any level.

I second that Edmund

'I think it's awful young people are still being made to feel ashamed of a perfectly natural thing because of these old fashioned views.'

Young people? What about single people of all ages?

So again i ask- you are married and neither of you despite trying, manage to enjoy the sex.

Then what.

zzzzz, I don't think marriage is wrong, you seem to have misread. I think telling people that sex should be for marriage is wrong, that is not the right message to be giving in this day and age - it is an out dated and old fashion idealism. It is far more important to teach sex is normal and natural, but hugely important to respect our own and other bodies/safe sex. The idea it should be saved specifically for marriage is wrong (and dangerous).

I wouldn't let him, no. And given that her parents have expressed a wish that they don't, I'd honour that. And they've been together 2 weeks????

What the hell is wrong with waiting for a while before DTD? I think it would be a good thing if people at least got to know each other for a while before hopping in the sack, whatever their age. Nothing wrong with that. I think it's sad that young people have carnal knowledge of each other before they even know how to boil an egg, never mind fertilise one.

Zzzzz I think you missed the point, portia and Edmund don't have anything against marriage, it's the no sex before marriage which is ridiculous.

P.s is "god's loophole" really a thing? I was introduced to garfunkle & Oates through mumsnet and I love them

What the hell is wrong with waiting for a while before DTD?

But the OP isn't saying she wants them not to have sex. She just wants them not to have sex in her house.

I was not allowed to stay in the same bed as DH at my mum's until after we got married.

This was despite already having two children together...

Buy some condoms and a banana and then invite them in to practice putting it on.

Think that ship has probably sailed, coconutty.

I don't disagree with marriage but Im no longer married because of DV which is far far worse than having sex.
My dd has been with her bf over a year and they haven't fertilised an egg although she and he can cook very well.

zzzzz, OK - what positives do you see for marital-only sex? How do you see it fitting into a progressive world? Just because religions see it as the right thing to do, doesn't mean it is. Many religions also think being gay is wrong, that women should see themselves as less than men, that baby boys should be mutilated at a few days old....

My DD is nowhere near the age that this is of a concern for me yet- thank god. My parents allowed boyf' to sleep over but separate beds, even when I got engaged we were expected to sleep separately, same at his parents house. It was fine for him to come through in the morning and spend a few hours 'in bed' with me through. Never understood the logic but I didn't question it in either house. Their house their rules.
I think you do what feels comfortable for you- not necessarily your DS. And don't worry about all the liberals on here calling you out for being a fuddy duddy religious extremist stick in the mud, they're not the ones who have to live with the choice or listen to the noise.
To be a little judgey I'd hope at only 17 they would hang on a little longer before entering a sexual relationship (now that I've said that there is a big neon sign saying 'hypocrite' right above my head) hahaha

Mari you know you can have sex quietly, not as fun I'll admit.

Yes, zzzzz, but you've also jumped down the throats of posters who firmly disagree with the notion, so obviously you don't think the idea is wrong.

forget about the marriage only sex.
we are talking about 2 teenagers who have known each other 2 weeks.

do we really want to teach our kids that sex without knowing someone properly is a good thing?

i am teaching my sons that they should a) know someone b) TRUST that person c) have feelings for that person before they have sex.

I am also talking to them about safe sex- several people have sneered at the thought of talking to kids about safe sex- i don't understnad why.
why not talk to them about it? talk about it early enough and often enough and hopefully it will stick with them.

they need to know about consent and STIs and pregnancy and how all these things can have an effect on their lives.
They also need to know that sex has an effect on your feelings about someone- when you are very young sex with someone can make everything better and everything worse. A fight with someone takes on much greater proportions when you have slept with the perosn and been that intimate.

I haven't called anyone a fuddy duddy stick in the mud.
I have said my dd and her bf have been together over a year, I wouldnt be happy with a 2 week bf staying over.
As for them sleeping in the next room, they don't they sleep on another floor

I have no intention of letting my DS bring girl friends home for sex - of course I know that he will be having sex but quite honestly it is not my role to 'facilitate' his sex life. No wonder kids don't want to leave home, it's all so cushy for them these days. I would not feel comfortable knowing that he and a girl (or boy for that matter) friend were having sex in the next room. . My DSIL was 'super cool' about letting her teenage DD have her boyfriend to stay over night, but once that relationship was over it was hard to say 'no' to subsequent boyfriends and she got fed up with meeting young men in her kitchen when she wanted to slob around in her dressing gown !