To wonder if I am being selfish?

[ShtoppenDerFloppen]

I am doing a uni course that is very time intensive. Because of family responsibilities and DD being ill, I am a little bit behind in my work.

So, I told DH that he was going to take our 2 girls to an indoor water park in town (that we have free passes for) and offered DS (18) the option to either join them at a the water park or go out hunting Pokemon.

I am doing it all just to get them out of the house so I can catch up on my school work. So, am I being selfish, or is it a case of 'needs must'?

Even if you are being selfish (which you aren't imo) why is that a bad thing? It's good to be a little selfish every now and then.

You're not being selfish, but you do need to look at a longer term solution as you can't be sending people out every time you need to finish an assignment.

So, I told DH that he was going to take our 2 girls to an indoor water park in town

Seriously??

My dh would tell me to piss off if I gave him instructions on where he was going to take our kids and when, I would have just asked if he could and left him to sort out where.

So not selfish as you need some time on your own but I would give him such form instructions!!

Why would it be selfish to be alone?!

Poor choice of words on my part - he had had plans for today that fell through. He asked me what I needed doing around the house, and my response was that the best thing for me would he a few hours on my own to catch up on my school work, and since we have free passes to the water park, that might be a good choice.

For him, that meant he got out of yard work - so he was happy to take them, especially since it wasn't going to affect the household budget.

As for long term, this won't be for much longer. I am only behind because one of my DCs was hospitalised for a week, and one day of work will have me back where I need to be.

But... I can always rely on MN to make me feel like a shit parent for trying to further myself through education.

It boggles me how one word in a post will stick out to certain MNers and they will grab on like a terrier.

You never disappoint.

And I never learn.

God I'm even more confused now.

He was perfectly happy to take the kids out and not have to do the yard work, so where does selfish come into it?

Were the kids disappointed that you weren't coming along?

If so, I can kind of understand why you might feel bad but no, that doesn't make you selfish.

No, you are not being selfish. It sounds like you have considered everyone, and come up with a plan that works for the whole family. Why do you think that would be selfish? Now get off MN, and get on with catching up with that work!!

Kids not disappointed, he was content to take them.

Perhaps it is just misplaced mom guilt - I have just spent a week inpatient with the youngest, and she is going back into the hospital on July 25th. So, the time she is home, I really have to concentrate on my school work in order to prevent me falling behind again.

Sorry about the drip feed - honestly didn't think it's be necessary to offer this much info.

Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy

Dolphins good point. I stopped for a bite to eat, and am heading back now.

Are you supposed to be working on your assignment? 😉

Sounds like no one questioned the arrangements at all OP. I said this on another thread but I think it's only on Mumsnet women learn how to agonise about making these decisions!

I have asked DH to take the kids out before, he has obliged. Just like I do when he asks.

Get cracking with your studies woman!

I'm surprised you need an 18 year old to leave the house to study though ? Does he make a lot of noise !

You will always be up against it here, I think you know that.

Sounds fine to get everyone out while you get on with it. I send my lot out the room while I get on with Scouting Admin, which a) isn't paid and b) isn't especially time critical.

What course are you doing?

It is a water park, not breaking stones in the searing heat.

Just let them get on with it, ignore the fun suckers on here and get your schoolwork done.

You are teaching your DC to better themselves through education. Focus on that and banish any feelings of guilt.

I do not get the point of the thread.

You start by saying "I told DH that he was going to take our 2 girls to an indoor water park in town" so OFC (and really, I think you knew this) people would jump on that and wonder if you commonly order other adults about.

Then you come back and update that your husband actually gave not one shiny shit at your suggestion that he takes the children to the water park, and indeed everyone was actually pretty satisfied with the plans.

Yet this manages to somehow for you, turn into a thread where people are apparently (in some possible other dimension where we are reading different responses) trying to make you feel shit for wanting to "further myself through education"

It is a bit of an odd thread about an apparent non issue, yet you have managed to take the responses in a way that makes no sense.

You can get on and study in peace, the kids and their dad are out having fun, not one person has made you feel shit for trying to improve yourself, they only responded to your OP where you heavily implied you had ordered your DH out the house, so all is well.