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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling to understand this....

16 replies

DoubleCarrick · 16/07/2016 07:15

I'm away with a group of girls this weekend and only know one person in the group. It's been a pleasant weekend so far so no problems there.

What's amazed me is some of the things the other women have been saying about their boyfriends/partners!!

"..... always goes on about my weight...."
".....never does any housework....."

The women aren't bitching about their fellas. And it's not one big session chatting about their relationships but it just comes up occasionally in conversation.

They are all such lovely girls and it makes me sad. DH lately has been doing so much around the house due to my pregnancy and I'm questioning how normal it is now!

OP posts:
ateapotandacake · 16/07/2016 07:19

YANBU I had a similar thing not long ago. My fella is great but there seem to be a lot of not greats out there! Have a good weekend!

topcat2014 · 16/07/2016 07:20

Human nature, I suppose, - and probably a bit embelished to fit in with the group.

dogsdieinhotcars · 16/07/2016 07:22

Do you go on many girly outings? This is normal banter in my world, working in a predominantly female job. Also with my bezzies. The blokes probably do it too you know!!!

Foslady · 16/07/2016 08:37

Normal for me too........or it was. Both xh's now, never had a relationship where weight and how I should lose some wasn't mentioned......started when I was a size 10 and told my stomach was fat and continued right up to me being a 14/16 . No bloke has ever commented when I've lost weight though

echt · 16/07/2016 08:40

and probably a bit embelished to fit in with the group. Why on earth do you assume they are lying, topcat?

BertieBotts · 16/07/2016 08:41

No I think there is a culture of accepting crappy treatment in relationships and/or an assumption that all men are a bit shit really so don't bother looking for a good one. It's sexist and crappy but it definitely happens. FWIW I used to be in that group too before I found MN.

I do think a little bit of moaning can be good natured and normal though.

ArgyMargy · 16/07/2016 08:43

Maybe they think their OHs make up for it in other ways. No one is perfect.

LizKeen · 16/07/2016 08:49

I agree with Bertie. It is shocking how normal and accepted bad treatment is in RL.

I have also been in similar situations where it has almost become a race to the bottom with the women trying to be the one with the worst partner. Don't get it myself. Bit of martyrdom possibly.

I will have a moan about the daft stuff DH does, but he is actually a gem and I don't mind admitting it.

topcat2014 · 16/07/2016 08:49

No, I didn't mean lying - embelishment to me just means saying 'always', when in fact reality was 'ocassionally'.

Everyone likes to take part in conversation, even if that means adding something for a bit of comic effect.

topcat2014 · 16/07/2016 08:50

Mind you, commenting about weight is over the line in my view

branofthemist · 16/07/2016 08:50

It's a mixture of things. Yes some men (and women) are crap partners. But then some people like to embellish stories, especially if others are also complaining. A bit like the Yorkshire men sketch.

And of course as pp said, they may not be pointing my out the good bits. Like I could say dh has never washed out clothes. He hasn't. But then he does all the food shopping and cooking. He could say 'dw never goes to the supermarket or cooks dinner'.

Of course the weight thing is just plain wrong. But again, I know 2 women who say their partners complain about their weight. But the truth is their partners actually complain because the women are always going on about their weight but not doing anything. They don't really care what weight the women are. Their partners are fed up with hearing the same 'oh I feel so fat I need to do something' every day.

WiIdfire · 16/07/2016 08:59

I'm always amazed by the things people who post on here put up with and think is acceptable. Name calling, shouting, not helping out with childcare or housework. It's sad that people think this is normal behaviour in a relationship.

milpool · 16/07/2016 12:15

I've seen this a lot too. More in Facebook groups and stuff than in real life. But I think it is surprisingly common.

Personally if my partner was always going on my weight and/or never doing housework he'd have to be shitting gold bricks to balance out the bad points. (And I'd be telling his mum Grin)

Original poster
DoubleCarrick · 16/07/2016 16:58

dogs I avoid girly outings like the plague!! Grin

It just makes me sad. They were discussing transport for the lads weekend and deciding for them what they should do. It just seems to perpetuate this whole man child thing

OP posts:
dogsdieinhotcars · 16/07/2016 23:37

Goodness gracious! Leave the men to their own nonsense. Not sure of these need to be involved in every bit of your OH life. Babying them. They're blokes! Not kids. Anyhow, I've been with mine 27 years so I can be like this, blasé n all! But I'm not perfect and he's not. But he's my soulmate so that trumps the slagging offs to girlfriends!
Hope you are actually enjoying your weekend though. You Being preggers. Good luck. X

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 17/07/2016 01:01

It always shocks me what some people put up with too, because they think it's normal.. name calling, not helping with anything, arguing all the time, demanding sex etc. My DP has never mentioned my weight and just would never think to. Why would you want to make someone feel bad who you are supposed to love!? He's my best mate. I'm not sure if I'm just really lucky though, because my dad did say it to my mum and my FIL to my MIL..

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