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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call FIL out on this

22 replies

Warl · 15/07/2016 21:24

DH has no real relationship with FIL, he left MIL when DH was 3 weeks old (he's a twin) they don't keep in touch & we only see him about twice a year which is enough because the man is basically a tit!!

Just before Xmas he paid a visit & said he was going to buy DD some premium bonds rather than a present. She already has some so we told him she had a hard holders number, he wrote it down & that was that. He obviously didn't buy any as I never received any confirmation (I'm the 'holder' of her bonds') which I have done when my parents have bought her some & I spoke to NSI to confirm her balance. Wasn't really surprising so thought nothing more of it!

DD's 3rd birthday is coming up & he rang DH yesterday to say he won't be able to make it over (he only lives 20 miles away btw) but he's going to buy her SOME MORE premium bonds as her present!

I want to say something about it but DH says to just leave it & rest soundly in the knowledge that we know he's a dick. But I'm actually infuriated by it...... I just think it's a really low thing to do! Thoughts please??? AIBU?

OP posts:
Dandelionsmakeyouwee · 15/07/2016 21:25

Say something. I would.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 15/07/2016 21:27

I would too. I might not call him an out and out liar - rather something like "Some more? Gosh - that's odd. I hope you haven't inadvertently sent some to a stranger because there's been no addition to DD's account. Could you have mixed up the numbers?". That kind of thing. Make the fucker squirm!

MrHannahSnell · 15/07/2016 21:29

Don't waste your breath. What do you or your DD or DH get by calling him out? Forget it.

ItsMeTheMummy · 15/07/2016 21:30

Are you sure you wrote holders number down correctly? It seems a bit odd to actually bring up buying them (by saying 'more') if he didn't buy any in the first place.

On another note, thanks for the info, I didn't know other people could buy bonds by giving them the holders number, my dd has bonds but I always tell people who want to buy her some to give me the money and I then buy the bonds online as my dd's bonds come up when I log into my own online.

elQuintoConyo · 15/07/2016 21:32

Fuck it. Put it out of your mind and move on. He left when your DH was 3 WEEKS old and you seem to be trying to encourage a relationship between him and his 3yo granddaughter (although i could be put by a nautical mile Grin).

No point flogging a dead hore.

elQuintoConyo · 15/07/2016 21:33

Or even a horse HmmGrin

Original poster
Warl · 15/07/2016 21:34

ItsMeTheMummy it's only grandparents or great grandparents of the child that can buy them but no I definitely wrote the number down correctly he just didn't buy any but I'm thinking he probably doesn't realise that there's a 'holder' for the child or that confirmation gets sent

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 15/07/2016 21:34

Tell him you are concerned as you haven't heard of any new ones.
Was there a mistake aomewhere?

Original poster
Warl · 15/07/2016 21:35

ItsMeTheMummy it's only grandparents or great grandparents of the child that can buy them but no I definitely wrote the number down correctly he just didn't buy any but I'm thinking he probably doesn't realise that there's a 'holder' for the child or that confirmation gets sent

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 15/07/2016 21:36

I would definitely check it - not to call him out but more what if he typed the number in wrong or something and has bought bonds for a random.

MammaTJ · 15/07/2016 21:37

I would play it quite innocently. Go down the route that you want to warn him that he can't have done it right the first time and you do not want him to throw good money after bad. Ask for receipts, tell him you didn't mention it as you thought he had changed his mind but now he is saying he wants to buy MORE you have to bring it up and help him to do it right this time!

Spandexpanties · 15/07/2016 21:40

Ok you wrote the numbers down correctly but you can still choose to play the 'gosh are you sure you have the right numbers' card and explain that your child's account hadn't been accredited and could he check

MissMarple29 · 15/07/2016 21:49

Defiantly call him out on it, but like the other posters have said play it innocent and say are you sure you didn't mix numbers up as we haven't received any. What a weasel.

Mycraneisfixed · 15/07/2016 21:50

As MammaTJ says.

embo1 · 15/07/2016 21:52

Ask him to confirm the number because you checked and didn't receive any last time. Maybe it was a mistake...? And if it wasn't, may be he won't try it again

ItsMeTheMummy · 15/07/2016 22:08

Thanks for the info warl

I agree with most other posters, play innocent when you bring it up, say you need to confirm the holder number he bought for as none were credited and when he provides you with the correct one or says he's lost it then you could even act like its the company's fault for not crediting the bonds to you. Surly he'd have to own up and wouldn't let you make a complaint to NS&I or waste time looking into it. Or from what you've said, maybe he would. Flowers

diddl · 15/07/2016 22:09

I'd leave it & not bother with him tbh.

Your daughter is too young to know/care.

If you do keep contact at least you'll know that he might let her down in future re promises to buy stuff.

MollyTwo · 15/07/2016 22:11

It's not your father so why would you push against what your DH says? He says leave it so what would you get out of saying something. Sounds like he isn't that interested in buying the bonds so why force him to?

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 15/07/2016 22:15

Where does the OP say she wants to/is going to force him to buy them Molly? Are you doing that 'slightly misunderstanding accidentally on purpose so you can post a sniffy snidey comment' thing? Hmm

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 15/07/2016 22:15

def call him on it!
...the "concerned" angle is the best one, and esp as it's £100 minimum

Original poster
Warl · 15/07/2016 22:32

Thanks for the replies everyone, I suppose there is the slightest possibility it could of been an error - personally I doubt it - but I suppose it is one way to bring it up. Just to be clear I'm not bothered, DD doesn't need anything from him & from his track record with DH & BIL it's better to have nothing from him, it's just the principal of waltzing in a couple of times a year & making out your making a grand gesture when you don't intend to that pisses me off. My parents have always been a constant in my life so I can't relate with it I suppose.

OP posts:
diddl · 16/07/2016 10:27

"waltzing in a couple of times a year & making out your making a grand gesture "

Only a problem when your daughter is old enough to understand imo.

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