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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have accepted two jobs?

36 replies

tessnatoli · 12/07/2016 18:19

In a major dilemma and hoping Mumsnet can help me! Have name changed for this in case it outs me. I have recently being offered a new job (Job A). This job is exactly the same role that I do in my current job at a different organisation. Place of work seems really lovely, they are very keen to have me and I have already been on an induction there so do kind of feel invested already.

However, just after been offered it I applied for another job (Job B), which I was offered today! This is the same sector I am in currently but is a different, probably more varied job.

I am so torn! In a lot of ways I am leaning to Job B for a change of direction, but I feel like if I pull out of Job A now I am letting them down massively and they won't have time to find anyone else for the date they need someone.

Do not yet have the salary for Job B (so that could actually make my mind up I suppose if it's not what I'm looking for!). Practically Job B is easier to get to, but not massively so and working hours are comparable.

Sorry it's so long! Basically, can anyone offer any advice, and would I be massively unreasonable to let Job A down if I decide on Job B?

OP posts:
JellyMouldJnr · 12/07/2016 18:23

Have you signed a contract at job A?
If yes, that might complicate things. However I think if the only thing holding you back from taking job B is that you might upset people at job A, you really shouldn't worry about that. Yes, they will probably be annoyed, but these things happen. Better than always wondering what might have been.

BengalCatMum · 12/07/2016 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyDuchess · 12/07/2016 18:36

I've recently just done that - I felt terribly guilty but ultimately I had to go with the job that was better for me and my family.

I accepted a first job and then was offered the second - the one I really wanted. Once I had confirmed the salary for the second inlet the first down - this was over the course of 2 weeks.

I was honest and said I have been offered another role with a salary I couldn't refuse. The first job was very understanding.... I felt like shit!

A month on all is right with the world - I'm happy, the first job didn't readvertise the position so i assume they asked the next person in line if they wanted the role.

It will be okay

Original poster
tessnatoli · 12/07/2016 19:04

Thanks u for the replies, and congratulations on your new job CrazyDuchess. It would be more clear cut for me if Job B was the job I passionately wanted more, but it's not to that extent and every few minutes I change my mind about which is the best choice! I haven't signed a contract yet, I have accepted Job A in writing but not an actual contract.

I so wish I knew the salary for Job B! Surely they should have told me on the phone?? But if course I know I should have asked, just felt awkward! I asked when I would receive contractual information hoping that would prompt it, but they just said it will posted out. Would it look OK just yo email tonight and ask what salary is being offered?

OP posts:
HairyMoose · 12/07/2016 19:07

Maybe let them know you've had an off and see what they say. They may ask you what the salary is at the other job and match it.

HairyMoose · 12/07/2016 19:08

Meant to ask is it a specialized role or a normal administrative role?

bluecashmere · 12/07/2016 19:20

Whatever you decide, make sure you have a contract you are happy with for the job you want before you decline the other job. Make a decision that is right for you without worrying about the employers. It's bad for them but this is your life.

ilovesooty · 12/07/2016 19:23

Had you accepted job A when you attended the interview for job B?

purplefox · 12/07/2016 19:34

I had this exact situation a while ago, I told Job A which I'd already accepted that I'd had an offer from B, they upped the salary so I tried to reject B, but they topped Job A's salary, and then again. It's a good position to be in.

Did you apply to the jobs direct or are you working with a recruitment agency?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/07/2016 19:37

Why did you apply for a job AFTER getting the first one? You can't feel that bad about leaving them otherwise you never would have applied in the first place.

Original poster
tessnatoli · 12/07/2016 19:42

Thank you so much for the replies. Yes ilovesooty I had accepted Job A when I interviewed for Job B and I do feel pretty shitty about that and it's one of the things that would make turning down Job A very difficult. But at this stage in my career I want to move into something that I will love and stay in long term and I didn't want to deny myself the chance of Job B. It always seems to happen that things like things turn complicated!

Both are pretty specialised admin roles. To make matters worse, and I really don't want this to sound like boasting as probably not many applied as it is pretty specialist , but I was the only person interviewed for Job A so they haven't even got a second choice candidate to move to.

I applied for both jobs directly.

I agree it could be a good position to be in, but I have a feeling it wouldn't really go to a kind of 'bidding war' with Job A and that they would just be very disappointed and think badly of me. Sad

OP posts:
Bubbinsmakesthree · 12/07/2016 19:48

As an employer - this happens! It is obviously annoying but as long as the person is honest, apologetic etc I would not think badly of them.

I've known of people to basically just not show up on the day they were supposed to start!

Make the decision that is best for you, regardless which job you were offered first.

ilovesooty · 12/07/2016 19:52

Did job B know that you'd already accepted job A?

I'm astonished that so many people don't have a problem with this.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 12/07/2016 19:56

Great dilemma.
I can't get one, let alone two.
Do what's best for you and communicate honestly and in a timely manner with both of them.

SharonfromEON · 12/07/2016 20:03

when will you find out the pay of job b?
If salaries were identical which would you choose?

I would figure that out then find out salary... It would be tough to make any decision without a salary...

Did you not ask at interview?

Original poster
tessnatoli · 12/07/2016 20:15

I know Hiddenaspie1973 I am very grateful to be in this position and have these opportunities. ilovesooty and PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon I really appreciate your view points and I do recognise that this situation is not ideal. However, this is the rest of my life and although timings have not been the best I needed to give myself the best chance. As PPs have shown with their comments this type of situation is fairly common.

OP posts:
GrandmaJosephine · 12/07/2016 20:15

DH did this. Job B actually paid a little less but was a better long term prospect. He was honest with job A. They were annoyed but I'm sure they coped. I'm afraid sometimes you have to be selfish.

ilovesooty · 12/07/2016 20:21

There are some lines of work you simply cannot do this.

I'm not sure I'd want to work for an employer who was happy to interview a candidate who'd accepted a job elsewhere.

Original poster
tessnatoli · 12/07/2016 20:23

sharonfromEON I always think you shouldn't ask about salary at interview as worried it will reflect badly! I know I should have asked on the phone when they offered me the job, but just wasn't sure if to and then the opportunity was gone!

I know the salary banding from the job advert and it's roughly comparable to Job A but has the potential to be slightly higher depending on where in the band they choose to start me. I have just emailed to ask so hopefully will get an answer tomorrow.

Those who have done this, or whose DH has done this, how did the first job actually react?

OP posts:
poocatcherchampion · 12/07/2016 20:27

I am surprised people are so outraged tbh.

If you are looking for a job you are likely to have more than one iron in the fire. Its just bad timing. It is slightly more unfortunate that you had already accepted job a, but not the end of the world. That tells me you want job b. So do that.

CrazyDuchess · 12/07/2016 20:30

I was very apologetic - I felt horrible...

What's the alternative?? Starting a job that you are not convinced about and let them down 3 - 6 months later???

Yes there are some roles (I am thinking medical and teaching and really senior roles) that would be a real dick move... but from what the OP has stated she is not in this position.

You will spend the majority of your waking day with the people you work with... it has to be a good and happy environment

BikeGeek · 12/07/2016 20:31

I've worked in more than one place where people just haven't turned up for the first day after accepting the job.

Accepting that sometimes people will politely turning down a job before paperwork is complete is part and parcel of recruitment tbh.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/07/2016 20:47

I'm not saying you shouldn't take the job. Just saying that you can't feel that bad about it otherwise you wouldn't have applied for the job after you had accepted the first one

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/07/2016 20:48

I do interviews and wouldn't think anything of someone asking the salary tbh. If it's not on the job advert then I would actually expect them to ask

fassone · 12/07/2016 20:49

Don't feel horrible. It's just a job. You're replaceable, as is every employee.
It's not ideal but it happens and employers know this. Would be worse if you'd started in A and had got settled only to up sticks for B.

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