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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be concerned about husbands trip with my son.

24 replies

BusyJessica · 10/07/2016 18:53

Hi everybody i am new to Mumsnet and first of all want to say hello to all of you .

I am finding myself increasingly worried about a planned trip my husband his two sons (17,16) and my son (16) (his stepson) are going to go on.

My husband is originally from Kazakhstan but moved to the UK in his early 20s. Him and his two sons visit nearly every year, but this year they have invited my son with them. I trust my husband and I think he will look after my son but i'm worried about him being so far away from me. I cannot go on the trip as i cant get the time off work, otherwise i would go. My son really likes to travel so he is keen to go. My husband and his two boys know the language.

Im worried as My son does not know the language and customs and obviously their is a terror problem in the region, I worried he will stick out for being a westerner and be targeted.

I suffer from Anxiety and this stuff worries me, I know i'm probably being stupid but its me. Do you think I should ask my husband just to be extra careful because I don't want to ruin their trip. If anybody has been to Kazakhstan that would be really helpful.

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

BusyJessica · 10/07/2016 18:57

Sorry didn't mention that the only part of the country they are visiting is the capital Astana.

OP posts:

jellycat1 · 10/07/2016 18:58

I went to Almaty about 8 years ago and had similar questions in my mind. Couldn't have been further from my experience. I was there for work with rich clients so I had a privileged view but I certainly didn't feel unsafe at any point in any place. Totally depends where he's going and probably whether your partner's family are known to be enemies of the state! Otherwise I wouldn't worry. It seems a lot further and more alien than it really is - in my view. I wasn't aware of any particular terror threat there. There are many places I'd avoid right now but Kazakhstan wouldn't be one of them. He's 16 though so you need to be comfortable.

springydaffs · 10/07/2016 18:58

Terror attacks can happen anywhere.

I've had to let my kids go off on holidays and it was sooo hard - all my babies on a transatlantic flight without me? Torture - and I don't suffer with anxiety. The holiday would be challenging for most people.

But you have to let him go.

Yes, warn your husband to take extra extra special care of him. Like I warn medics who are just about to do a risky procedure on one of my kids. I don't care if I sound a nutjob, I have to say it.

Whatslovegottodo · 10/07/2016 19:01

I would say it is a fairly safe region and would be less worried than about vast swathes of the world currently.

SaucyJack · 10/07/2016 19:06

According to the Wikipedia page I've just looked at.... there has never been a successful terror attack in Kazakhstan.

Does your husband know something about internal security that most others don't? Genuine question. Kazakhstan isn't generally considered to be one of the more unstable countires of the world.

MrsS1990 · 10/07/2016 19:09

I would let him go! Travelling is wonderful and you can't think the worst

corythatwas · 10/07/2016 19:13

At 16 he is nearly grown up; he will soon want to go off travelling on his own, so it is a good idea if you try to start working on getting your anxiety under control now: at 18 he won't thank you for curtailing his freedom.

This sounds a fairly safe trip as trips go (certainly a lot safer than say a post-A-level drunken trip to Brighton). He will be in the care of somebody who knows the language and the customs and probably won't let him get into trouble, and there are no particular safety concerns with the region he is going to.

And let's face it, as a foreign woman there is absolutely nothing you could do to protect him that your husband cannot do better.

Not to mention the fact that if a terrorist attack were to happen in this country, when you are in his company (which seems just as likely), there won't be anything you can do to protect him from that either.

But you won't let that fear dominate your every day- so I would try to find a way of distracting yourself from this fear of the trip too. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity of seeing a part of the world most people know nothing about- and under expert guidance.

Original poster

BusyJessica · 10/07/2016 19:14

Thanks for all the replies. Husband works as a GP doubt he would know top secret stuff. My fear comes from the Foreign Office page, but i've noticed that it is the same that for many countries. I think it is my anxiety that is causing me worry.

Dh family aren't state enemies.

OP posts:

Original poster

BusyJessica · 10/07/2016 19:15

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/kazakhstan

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 10/07/2016 19:15

Opportunity of a lifetime; how lovely of your DH and his sons to include your son on their annual family trip. It's fab that they see him as part of their family.

Smile and wave as he leaves, have a little cry when he's gone but be proud you've raised such a confident young man who is excited about going.

PotteringAlong · 10/07/2016 19:16

There's a general threat of terrorism most places now...

antimatter · 10/07/2016 19:17

He knows his own country and would look after all 3 of them. I wouldn't worry!

Original poster

BusyJessica · 10/07/2016 19:21

What a lovely message Pottering. Thank you

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 10/07/2016 19:21

Have you looked at the threat level for Spain? It's higher than for Kazakhstan.

In the nicest way, this is your anxiety talking. He's 16, he's going to be with his family. Could you arrange regular Skype chats while he's away?

GarlicStake · 10/07/2016 19:37

Astana just looks so weird and other-planet-like, I would love to go there! I'd like to go out into the sticks, too - even though I'd have to cover up or pretend to be a bloke or something. It's a fascinating, fascinating country.

Really, don't worry :) Yes to Skype!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/07/2016 19:38

Where's he going? If Almaty, he'll be fine I think. I've been and I'm very white and western looking :)

Was amazing though very different.

GarlicStake · 10/07/2016 19:42

Shopping centre webcams in Astana

Okay377 · 10/07/2016 19:44

Your husband is going to take all three boys - that's lovely. Your DS will have a great time and a new experience and be totally safe in a visit with family abroad. It's lovely he's spending time with his step dad and step brothers. I think it sounds great. Relax and plan some lovely things for you while they're all away.

Pendu · 10/07/2016 19:55

I am sure it will all be fine. First time I went to India to see my in laws I went without DH , didn't know too much about the culture nor the language and only my SIL spoke basic English. However it was home from home - you'd be surprised how many people are just normal - I know that sounds stupid but I thought people would either be racist to me or treat me like a queen ( which is just as bad) but everyone was so nice and normal. I went right into the non tourist areas - villages where people had never seen a white person and it was just great. It made me so confident now to study in other countries - like I said, most people are just normal and will be kind and food with your ds and probably help him along with the language problems.

Pendu · 10/07/2016 19:55

*good , not food. Freudian slip

MrsS1990 · 10/07/2016 20:15

Totally agree with pendu... Before I travelled properly I had this feeling that anyone outside of tourist areas where from another world.

BeckyMcDonald · 10/07/2016 20:21

What an amazing opportunity to go to a country where none of his friends are ever likely to get to go to. I would jump at this chance. There are risks everywhere. I guess it's more risky going into central London than Kazakhstan.

NotMyMoney · 10/07/2016 21:44

It's nice to read a thread where step children are treated the same of bio DC

I would let him go his with family and they'll look after him

Nonreplicable · 10/07/2016 21:51

I was in Astana a few weeks ago. It is very, very safe (even if dead boring).
It is a very small place, the locals are helpful, friendly and open minded.
I find Kazakhstan absolutely fascinating but Armaty is far nicer.

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