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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH earns more but wants to split mortgage equally

210 replies

HussellRobbs · 09/07/2016 14:20

Hello,

Just exchanged contracts as first time buyer. Mortgage will be £1700pm. DH put £10k more than me into deposit.

DH earns £2.6kpm and I earn £1.9k, so joint income of £4.5kpm.

Currently all bills split equally except DH pays £200 more each month towards our rent. However, he says when we start paying mortgage, we will go halves so £850 each pm. His reason is that I should be pushing employer for a promotion/raise. He said once I get a substantial raise, he will start paying £200 extra towards mortgage.

I think this is unfair as DH earns more and will therefore have more disposable income. He is also spendthrift whereas I am a saver and I will use saved money for things for the new house e.g. extension.

I think DH should continue paying £200 more than me.

We are also having other issues that mean I feel we are more like room mates at times rather than married partners and I think his stance on this just re-enforces my feelings.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lweji · 09/07/2016 14:24

You're married. Your assets legally belong to both. That means that he'll be having a lot more money to spend on himself than you. Ask him if he thought that would be fair in reverse.

Also, ask him what he sees happening if you have children. (I hope you don't have yet)

Delta1411 · 09/07/2016 14:24

It's a pretty big thing to be committing to a mortgage with someone. That you seem to state everything isn't 100% with at the end there.

If his only reasoning is forcing you to try and get a raise/promotion he sounds like he's being a douche bag.

Personally, I wouldn't be buying with him (and why would you pay for an extension or home improvements and allow him to fritter his money away?) as he sounds selfish and unreasonable.

Have you tried explaining your side of things? Have you said that you don't feel like things are right at the minute?

Howmuchisthatdoggyinthewindow · 09/07/2016 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cakescakescakes · 09/07/2016 14:24

I couldn't be with someone who didn't share all money equally. I know lots of people have financial arrangements which aren't equal but I just can't get my head around it. In our house all the money is family money and goes into one big pot.

HandbagCrazy · 09/07/2016 14:24

It should be proportional - if him paying £200pm more means you end up with equal spare mine, then that's fair.
Also, it's entirely unfair to buy a house with a plan that he'll pay more only for him to renege on that as soon as the deal is done! Is he normally so shitty?

I would not be happy, and I wouldn't be spending my savings on things for the house - I would be expecting him to pay his share, not have me cover it because he likes spending money.
I'm annoyed on your behalf tbh Angry

grannytomine · 09/07/2016 14:25

He sounds very controlling. Does he think he's your dad offering you an incentive. How much you each pay, well couples work it out in a variety of ways but it should be something you can agree on.

Noonesfool · 09/07/2016 14:25

Why will he start paying more when you earn more?

TinyGoldfish · 09/07/2016 14:27

Seperate issue: if you are getting an extention then both of you should contribute to that? Why would you save for it by yourself?

LizardBreath · 09/07/2016 14:27

Hmm we pay 50/50 on mortgage and bills and have different salaries, never even questioned not doing it like that!

titchy · 09/07/2016 14:29

Oh you've already exchanged - wtf did you do that? Shock

He sounds like a controlling patronising arse. Get rid.

PickleSarnie · 09/07/2016 14:30

That's weird. He's blackmailing/bribing you into trying for a promotion?! I'm all for encouraging others but that's just a bit strange and controlling.

StiickEmUp · 09/07/2016 14:31

We worked it like this.

DH brings in 70% of our overall money
I bring 30%.

He pays 70% bills, i pay 30%.

Works for us.

InformalMother · 09/07/2016 14:32

What Stiick said.

Pinkheart5915 · 09/07/2016 14:33

I can see your DH point. Why shouldn't a mortgage be split equally like household bills are?

Pinkheart5915 · 09/07/2016 14:36

Me and dh have always been cash buyers so no mortgage but despite me earning a little less I matched the money he put in to buy our home why wouldn't I of

Pearlman · 09/07/2016 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween · 09/07/2016 14:37

imo in a house share you split 50/50
In a marriage you split proportionate to earnings.

OP.
Why wasn't this discussed before?
What do you both envision should you ever have children?

43percentburnt · 09/07/2016 14:38

you say that bills were 50/50 what about food, cars, holidays, personal spends etc in the new house?

What is a substantial raise in his eyes?

I am the main earner in our house, no way would I feel I deserve £700 more than my dh each month to spend on me. Does he really feel he deserves to have £700 more than you in his pocket each month?

Whiteplate1 · 09/07/2016 14:38

My DH earns quadruple what I do and pays all the mortgage without hesitation. It would be ridiculous for me to pay half when we are not on an equal financial standing

How can you stay with such a ignorant arse?

teacher54321 · 09/07/2016 14:38

Dh pays the mortgage, all petrol and food and his car loan/phone bill etc I pay all other bills and my personal ones. I benefit from the 2 months a year when you don't pay council tax etc and he benefits from an extra month 'free' as he gets paid four weekly. We've never combined resources and he earns a lot more than me, but we have roughly equal spends after our bills have gone. Works for us. We hardly ever row about money thankfully.

smellsofelderberries · 09/07/2016 14:39

We work things so that we both have the same % of salary left over at the end of the month, to do with as we please. DH deals with all the finances so he worked out mortgage, service charge, all bills etc and then that total is paid about 35% by me, and he pays the rest as he earns so much more. Those figures were worked out when we bought 2.5 years ago and we haven't bothered changing the sums, even though DH earns about £15k more a year now than he did as we're both happy with the arrangement (and he pays for more meals out/holidays etc). It's all family money in the end anyway.
Sounds like your problems might be bigger than sharing bills though. Best address those things first before getting a mortgage together as separating will be much harder with property involved, should it cone to that.

RandyMagnum · 09/07/2016 14:40

I pay the same mortgage payment as my partner, and I earn on average £1k more, and occasionally sometimes double what they earn, each month. Both of us agree with this.

GirlOutNumbered · 09/07/2016 14:41

We go 50/50, always have. Have never thought about doing it differently, but then we earn about the same I guess. Think I earn a few hundred less a month, but he has more outgoings. Works for us.

cdtaylornats · 09/07/2016 14:42

I dare say if you were to divorce you would expect half the equity in the house?

LubiLooLoo · 09/07/2016 14:42

Put all your money in one account, then everything is fair. Halo

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