DH earns more but wants to split mortgage equally

[HussellRobbs]

Hello,

Just exchanged contracts as first time buyer. Mortgage will be £1700pm. DH put £10k more than me into deposit.

DH earns £2.6kpm and I earn £1.9k, so joint income of £4.5kpm.

Currently all bills split equally except DH pays £200 more each month towards our rent. However, he says when we start paying mortgage, we will go halves so £850 each pm. His reason is that I should be pushing employer for a promotion/raise. He said once I get a substantial raise, he will start paying £200 extra towards mortgage.

I think this is unfair as DH earns more and will therefore have more disposable income. He is also spendthrift whereas I am a saver and I will use saved money for things for the new house e.g. extension.

I think DH should continue paying £200 more than me.

We are also having other issues that mean I feel we are more like room mates at times rather than married partners and I think his stance on this just re-enforces my feelings.

AIBU?

We maintain separate accounts for discretionary spending etc. Seems perfectly normal to me. We don't share an email address either.

Have you thought of a joint account? We each pay in 60% of our salaries. He earns more than me. The joint account covers mortgage, bills, food, meals out and holidays. Our own money we do with what we want - save, put it towards a car, clothes etc.

You need to work out how much needs to cover the mortgage and bills and then ensure you both put in the same percentage of your salary into it and a bit extra to cover unexpected costs.

DH and I have a joint account to cover everything 'joint' - mortgage, bills, insurances and kids stuff (though for years I paid for kids stuff out of my account and left nothing for me - not anymore!)

We have our own separate accounts too. I have £300 a month left after money goes into the joint and after paying my car payment. From that I pay union fees quarterly, fuel for the month (about £120) and expenses for me. DH has more disposable income BUT when it comes to holidays, over spending on credit cards etc HE pays it.

I would try (if not already as haven't read the whole thread) insist that he puts a % of his disposable income into joint savings and you do the same. You won't put in the same amount of money but % is by far fairer IMO.

Also you have a very similar income to me but I am guessing you live down South judging by THAT mortgage!!

I have not RTFT but I'm a bit worried about some of the 'legal' advice on this thread. For example, the comment that being married legally means you own assets 50/50 so that your husband's money is legally yours.
This is not the case - unless the poster concerned intends to refer to joint tenancy. Any cash and other personal assets he may have are legally his, unless of course a court decides they are not in the event of a divorce.
There are various capital gains and inheritance tax advantages to being married which mean that a spouse can make gifts of money or property with a beneficial tax position. However, this does not mean he HAS to give you that money.

Not married here but personally we split 50/50. Neither of us is a particularly high earner and wouldnt be able to support the other. I have more disposable income because i have fewer outgoings. I dont understand why people would pool their money...i like having my own money! We pay what we pay for bills and the rest is our own to do whatever we like. If we go out for the day or on holiday etc we split that 50/50 from our own money too. That is very much ad hoc though. If my partner esrned a lot more than me I would likely feel very different but as it stands, and having been a single parent supporting myself for several years, the idea of living off my partner's wage seems extremely strange.
However, it works for many people and I am not knocking it at all. Different strokes for differebt folks and all that

Scholes There was discussion about where the machine went all agreed on. Our bad patch is surmountable but it involves extended family.

We do the one pot all comes from that including equal amounts for spends.
It used to be Dh earned 80% and I had a tiny part time income, so this method worked, now Dh has 0 income and all my earnings go in the one pot for everything, including any spends on ourselves.
Works for us as we completely trust each other, we are both frugal saver types.
Once children come along OP he will have to change his ideas on money, or you will be drowning in spreadsheets trying to make things even.

I think you should pay into a joint account proportionately and into a saving account proportionately.

Why should you be saving all your money for home improvements? That should be a joint expense too.

Op, can I just check what the plans are for when you have children ?

You are desperate to have a baby , you are 35, but he has refused to have sex for a year because he is overweight . Does this make sense to you ? There are many overweight people who have fantastic sex lives.

Does he have a low sex dive, or does he watch a lot of porn? Is he having sex with other people - do you have an open marriage ?

So despite your celibate marriage, you have moved house to be near your family , who are going to provide full time child care .

He wants to the bigger house to get free childcare, yet you have to pay propertionately more for it .

Who is going to pay " your " half of the bills when you are on maternity leave ? Who is going to pay for things for the baby ? Will you expected to use your savings for these things?

Full time childcare is very expensive, yet your parents are going to provide that for free . How many years are they going to do that for? 15 years ? What if they don't want to / get ill? Who is going to pay for childcare then ?

What about your career? Does your husband understand that it will be adversely affected by your taking maternity leave ? I know it shouldn't happen but it's very common.

If your husband going to make up your pension for the time you take off on maternity leave to care for his child ?

Who is going to take time off work when one of your children is sick?

This man is financially abusive and it will get worse,much worse, if you have children with him . It's going to be " well you wanted a baby so you pay for it / care for it "

Money used to cause us issues. Now all our wages go into a joint account and we keep £100 each a month 'pocket money'. If there is any left at the end of the month we put it in the savings account for holidays, emergencies etc. Not had any issues since and are both more careful with our spending. Hope you sort this out x