DH earns more but wants to split mortgage equally

[HussellRobbs]

Hello,

Just exchanged contracts as first time buyer. Mortgage will be £1700pm. DH put £10k more than me into deposit.

DH earns £2.6kpm and I earn £1.9k, so joint income of £4.5kpm.

Currently all bills split equally except DH pays £200 more each month towards our rent. However, he says when we start paying mortgage, we will go halves so £850 each pm. His reason is that I should be pushing employer for a promotion/raise. He said once I get a substantial raise, he will start paying £200 extra towards mortgage.

I think this is unfair as DH earns more and will therefore have more disposable income. He is also spendthrift whereas I am a saver and I will use saved money for things for the new house e.g. extension.

I think DH should continue paying £200 more than me.

We are also having other issues that mean I feel we are more like room mates at times rather than married partners and I think his stance on this just re-enforces my feelings.

AIBU?

You say 'DH': Do you mean husband, are you married?

If you are not then, as others have said, you should have worked it out before you committed to this. However you need to sit down with some real numbers and show him what this means for you financially, how little you will have to live on and how much disposable he will have. Ask him if he really means to be so meanspirited and controlling with the woman he loves?

If you are do exactly the same... and add that everything he owns is yours, and everything you own is his, legally. So what he hell does he think making you live off pennies will do to your marriage?

We do exactly what stiick does. I'm not part time just rubbish pay for a job that gives us better quality of life e.g flexible sometimes there are more things to think about in your career than the pay. I see you have exchanged ..you really need to sit down and thrash this out. What would happen if you wanted children and went PT...or you saved enough to pay off some of the mortgage and he didn't? These discussions really do need to happen.

If you should ever split up will you expect equity from the house to be split 50/50? If so you should be paying equal amounts toward the mortgage.

If you are happy for it to be split proportionate to what has been paid in then it's fine to ask him to contribute more.

Presumably he could put £10k more deposit in because he's saved it through having £500pcm more disposable income too.

I don't know what the answer is, but I agree with a PP that it's weirdly controlling of him to tie it to you asking for a raise, of all things. It's a bizarre way to treat someone he's meant to love, honour and respect. I do wonder if he'd come up with a different excuse once you've jumped through his specified hoop.

You're having to beg/negotiate towards him "only" having£500pcm more than you! Do either of you feel you're an equal partner here?

This sounds like the beginnings of financial abuse - is he this controlling about other things?

No way would I agree to this. You should have a joint account that both salaries are paid into, and all dds come out of.

He is trying to force you to ask for more money at work? Not entirely credible. Who the fuck does he think he is?

We do the % split thing into an account that all our joint bills and mortgage come out of. It's about 60:40 for us.

Red flags for me.

We used to put equal amounts into a joint account to pay for mortgage, bills etc... so effectively split 50/50 but kept our disposable income as I earned more but had substantial debt.

Now debt has gone all our money is shared so simple 50/50 split even though I earn more. We set up various accounts for saving and bills.

Works for us and saves any unnecessary grumpiness over finances.

Sorry, just re-read your last sentence. You are right. You do have other issues and he needs to sit down and be hnest with himself about what he thinks a marriage should be. He won't be able to talk to your sensibly until he does that.

Currently he seems to be acting like a pillock!

Why on earth didn't you talk about this before you married him and before you agreed to buy a house?

I am with your DH on this one a mortgage should be 50/50. I earn slightly more than DH but we pay the same never occurred to him to ask to pay less because I earn more.

I think you need to have a sit down and discuss your finances properly. Everyone needs to be on the same page and happy with the arrangement.

I paid the deposit for our mortgage (£10,000) and my dh paid for the solicitor / moving fees (£2000).

We put the same amount of money into our joint account every month at the moment and that is used to pay everything house related and general bills. We split everything.

well I'm not married, but bought a house together tenets in common. The house cost 250,000k. He paid £125,000 cash from a house sale, I've got a £125,000 mortgage in my name. We both paid £5,000 each to convert the loft. He has £20k savings, I have a lot less. It's not all in one pot, but it is working so far. We have 2 dcs.

Why is it so common for women to earn less than the men?
Why not start by checking what similarly qualified men are being paid, then go in and ask for a raise?
Maybe your husband is frustrated with your lack of whatever-it-takes-to-demand-more-money?

Slightly different here. DH earns £3.5k and I £1.2k per month, I'm part time. All money goes in the same account. Our monthly bills, mortgage etc and savings very roughly adds up to the £3.5k so that stays put in the account and my salary is then our disposable income which either of us spends as and when (any big purchases obviously previously discussed). There's no his or mine, just one big pot which s how I think it should be.

Don't get why you have to pay more until you get a raise and when you get a raise he will then pay more than you? Why? Makes no sense whatsoever.
Bizarre

Cheap with money, cheap with love.

I'm amazed that you (and so many other people) don't just put all your money together into one big pot and share everything, especially since you are married.

Me and dh don't put all our money in a big pot. It's works fine. We have joint bills and savings. Then our own money.

However I insist on mortgage payments being equal. In the event of a split you would be wanting half the house. So therefore you should pay for half the house.

That said I was always very clear about my thoughts on couples finances and luckily dh agrees with me. I wouldn't Spring it on him after we bought a house. Obviously if he all of a sudden he couldn't work I wouldn't expect him to. But while he works and/or would want half the house if we split, then he pays half.

Neither me or dh wanted to be a sahp or be married to a sahp, mainly due to finances either.

What works for some couples doesn't work for others. I don't know how people can just throw all their money in a pile. But it works for some so I don't judge

Maybe a promotion or raise isn't available anyway. I could push my employer all day everyday for a raise but I aint never gonna get one because I work in the public sector and government policy is that we don't get an extra penny until hell freezes over.

Did the DH have his fingers crossed during his marriage vows when he said the bit about 'all I have I share with you'

the other option is that once you've paid the bills, all the 'disposable' income is pooled and split equally.

So if he has £500pcm and you have £100 pcm, you pool it and both get £300.

"DH brings in 70% of our overall money
I bring 30%.

He pays 70% bills, i pay 30%."

Sounds fair Stiik, but would that mean that the lower earner gets stuck with doing more housework if, for example, the higher earner stays longer at work?

We do the % method. It works for us.