To expect more from preschool?

[Geevis]

My 3 year old daughter has been attending preschool for a few months. Just recently she has started having accidents. She is potty trained and always dry at home. We rarely have accidents.

The other week she had 4 accidents in one day. I spoke to key worker about it and she suggested I take her to the toilet when I drop her off as she had her first accident just after I left. I did this the next time and when I collected her she was I the same joggers I'd left her in. I said well done no accident today, the key worker said yes just a couple of knicker changes. This lead me to believe that she must have just been a little late for the toilet. When I got home I emptied her bag and there were two poos in there. Also her bottom hadn't been cleaned. I was really annoyed she wasn't clean and that no one had even mentioned the poo, this has never happened before.

I sent the key worker an email with my concerns, she said she is also concerned but didn't offer any real advice or explanation about why she thinks this is happening. I suggested a sticker chart.

This started off well but the last two times I picked her up they've forgotten to do it and she has had accidents. We had parents evening the other night and the key worker again said she was concerned about the number of accidents she's having. I said maybe they should reinforce the sticker chart. She said they are, I reminded her other staff had forgotten to do it and I do keep reminding them. She just doesn't seem very bothered.

This was also our first parents evening and I was looking forward to hearing how she's been doing. She didn't really tell us anything. It was all very general, children do this, children do that. Not about our child. Even when we asked specifics she didn't really answer. We both left disappointed.

My DD is my first child so I have no experience of this. Should they do more? Am I expecting too much?

Is your daughter happy at the nursery? Seems a bit odd to be previously dry then go to 4 accidents per day with no visible cause?

Maybe ask your DD what happens when she needs the toilet at nursery, can she just go or is there a putting up of hands or some kind of procedure that causes a delay etc

Talk to her about her friends there, is there anyone she doesn't like or who is mean to her? Is she starting school this Sept? Try to get to the cause of it.

The poo thing bothers me. Parents evening wouldn't, they're still very little.

I'm a key worker in a preschool and one of my children has accidents. He just gets carried away with playing. I look out for the signs (ie holding himself and dancing a bit) and do repeatedly ask him which helps but we still have accidents at least once a week. It has got better now he's got to know me and isn't too shy to tell me or too shy to go with other children around.

It's hard when you have lots of other children to look after too but sounds like they could do more to encourage her. Certainly they should be able to tell you how she's getting on with the eyfs at parent meetings. It should not be vague. Perhaps have a word with the manager if you're not happy.

I try not to be overly precious and realistic about nursery settings where teachers have lots of kids to look after, but I would not be at all impressed if I were in your shoes.

Basic hygiene - Her bum should have been cleaned. From the time my son started at his nursery at 3, he has never returned with so much as a skid mark in his pants.

It sounds like they are expecting YOU to deal with her accidents, instead of working together. This is totally unfair on your DD, as she needs the same reinforcement and support whether she is at home or pre-school. My own son has as of yet undiagnosed speech and comprehension difficulties (struggles with choices, questions that extend beyond the factual etc.) and emotional maturity. His teachers and I discuss and use the same strategies to help his communication. This really helps him. No matter what the issue, your pre-school should be fully on board with you.

We live in Cyprus, but.my DS goes to a British nursery that follows the early years foundation curriculum. Parents evening lasted about 30mins - a lot more detail than I expected, but very informative and I felt they really knew my son as a person. He is 4 though, so a year older than your DD..

I wouldn't go in guns ablazing but I think you need to touch base with the school and outline your concerns. If they are unwilling or seem disinterested in doing so, I'd wonder if it was the right environment for my DC.

Do they seem understaffed to you? I know it can be hard to tell. Ask about how many of the staff members are qualified and how many are apprentices. A few nurseries employ a lot of apprentices who don't always get good training and might not know much about the EYFS. If they are understaffed then they won't have time to really concentrate on where each individual child is at developmentally which would explain the parents evening and the accidents, they haven't got enough staff to take her to the toilet often enough.

It could be that your daughter isn't confident enough to speak up, the poo accidents usually suggest that something isn't quite right.

I don't think it's acceptable that they've not cleaned her bum, they obviously know she had soiled.

The accidents is odd but may be that she gets engrossed playing and puts it off til the last minute. But 4 in a day is excessive?

She does start a new nursery in September so not long to go now. She's only just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago. I've tried to talk to her about what's going on but she's 3 so it's difficult. I asked the key worker all the questions about why, has anything changed, relationships with others change in routines etc but they said no. I know the stickers will work if they stick to it. Theyre fully staffed, If anything though I'd say they seem a bit disorganised. I'd have just hoped that they'd be a bit more helpful with suggestions about how to deal with this instead of just telling me they're concerned. I'm not there so I can't deal with it. They apologised for the bum cleaning and it hasn't happened since. That's for the advice, I'm going to speak to the manager again next week.

That confused me too pearlman!

Well yes pearlman there actually were two poos in there, that was my other complaint. Send me the knickers although to be honest I'd be happy for them to throw them away but don't send me the actual poo! They said it was an oversight and they wouldn't normally send the poo in the knickers. Err good nobody needs that!

They should be plotting her on the early years system . So they should be telling you where she is in relation to the norm . I thought this was standard and had to be implemented . I don't work in early years though so I'm only going on my experience .

We've been having similar issues with nursery with my recently turned 3 yo DD and have been considering posting about it myself.
DD has been potty trained for 6mths and never has accidents at home. Since moving up to pre-school nursery (in the same day care nursery) she has been having repeated wee accidents.
I am annoyed at them and have said so several times as they seem to just leave the kids and don't take them to the loo unless they say they need to go and so she gets distracted by playing and wets herself.
I think it is a failure of care but don't know if aibu about that as this is my first child.

I am also annoyed that they aren't monitoring her bottom wiping properly and allowing her to come home with skiddies in her pants.

If they ever sent home a pair of pants with actual poo in them I would be absolutely fuming. Why on earth would you not get rid of that before putting the pants in the bag?!

If I were you I think I would speak to the nursery manager and demand better care.

With regards to taking her to the toilet, everywhere I've worked we took all the children to the toilet and to wash their hands before meals and snacks (so about every 2 hours). This used to cut down on accidents a lot because it would remind those that tended to get a bit caught up with playing that they need to go. Is this something they do?

That's really not on putting poo in her bag . What if the little mite had rummaged around in her bag and found it before you ? Boak

Hi.. Just another perspective, Could it be a control issue with your DD?

This has started when she started pre-school, it's usually a big change for LO's to get used and adapt to, it could be her way of feeling in control of something.

When I was a CM, I had one LO who started this when she started school, even though she was completely potty trained for months beforehand!

YANBU. DS had been in 3 different settings from 2-4 and they have always been excellent at helping with toiletimg, reminding, cleaning up and sorting any accidents. It's par for the course with this age and they have to be set up for and used to dealing with it.