Leaving doctor's surgery in tears

[Sarah0574]

I recently went to see the nurse at my local GP surgery because I had high blood pressure after the birth of my DS. He's only 8 weeks old. While I was having the BP checked my baby started crying and the nurse offered to hold him for me. In what I thought was a light-hearted comment I said 'you can keep him if you want!'. He definitely calmed down when I passed him to the nurse. I took him back of course! and a few days later I was back in the surgery waiting to see the doctor and as I was sat there I overheard the same nurse telling the receptionists about her seeing a woman who was so unconfident with her own baby and didn't know how to hold him properly, but when she held him he was fine. She repeated the words I said to her in jest 'You can keep him if you want' so that's why I know she was talking about me. It really shook me up to hear her talking in such an inconfidential manner to the other receptionists and in full hearing of everyone in the waiting room. I felt sick tbh. I just sat there listening to her bragging about how great she was with my son and how inadequate I was. To have my parenting scutinised in a 5 minute appt! There are no other surgeries locally to go to that's why I didn't make a fuss because if I complained it would be so embarrassing to have to go back. But now I really wish I'd said something and called her out on it. It was so not on. Horribly gossipy place!

Some people are just fuckers!

My advice is to ignore her because she'll just say you had misheard what she said.

You sound like a lovely mum who is funny and describe ds's and his behaviour in a down to earth accepting manner.

Hmm are you 100% sure you're right?

I mean what are the chances that you should happen upon that conversation a few days later, and who actually brags about 'being great' at holding someone else's baby, and actually calls the parent 'inadequate'?

I'm not saying I don't believe you (not at all) but are you absolutely sure about it all and that it was aimed at you?

How horrible for you. But rest assured the story was not about how poor your parenting skills were it was about bigging herself up. She didn't recognise you in the waiting room, nor did she flag up any PND issues with your GP. She took your jokey demeanour and turned it into all about her. She is unprofessional and mean but she if she really concerned with your parenting skills she would have reported it or at least had 'talk' with you. I bet the receptionists eye roll everytime she nears.

Congratulations on your new baby

What a silly cow!

It's quite possible it was about you and if you were to complain it would have to be taken seriously but ..... and I say this with a deep breath knowing 8 weeks post either of my babies there is I way I could be so thick skinned - try to see it as a silly, bored, nurse with an urge to make herself look good to a probably equally bored colleague. It is massively unprofessional for her to mention anything but if she didn't say your name and from what you say didn't mention anything about your medical health it would be hard to prove she broke your patient confidentiality & if the next surgery is miles away I might avoid the confrontation.

Keep your lovely sense of humour about you and don't let this put you off, loads of people will love to chat about your LO and will be able to get a tired parents' joke!

One of the weird things about becoming a Mum is that everybody and their dog thinks they have a right to criticise our parenting. They never for a second think about what it would be like to live in our situation for even a day, let alone a week or a year. As you get more experienced you will get into these situations more often, and people will say harsher and more pointed things. You will gradually find that your current uncertainty in parenting gives way to confidence and anger at such people, and for the sake of your baby you will develop a hide like a rhino.

It's worth reading this article about health visitors so you understand the situation you are in:

www.thealphaparent.com/2011/08/health-visitors-help-or-hindrance.html

When you go to a health professional and have a bit of a moan about your situation that can help you to deal with your stress, but it also often means that the health professional will do what's called a child protection interview. This is just a quiet chat to find out how much you are struggling and whether your baby is safe. So if you want to have a rant about how things are difficult, it's really worth saying "yes I am stressed and it is hard and having this little rant has been helpful. However, just so you know, I am doing a great job looking after this child and (s)he is safe and happy in my care."

Take care there. Being a Mum is a tough job and you are doing wonderfully there.

Thats like a totally horrible thing to hear. Most doctors waiting rooms can be a nightmare just dont let her put you off. You sound fun & you need to keep that sense of fun when you have a new baby in the house. I felt I was going crazy for the first couple of months but regular visits from my girlfriends made me laugh & not take life too seriously. People like that nurse are worth bothering with. Good luck x

I think it's most unfortunate that you heard it and got upset. but it was just a bit of gossip intended to be sth to chat about and not in any way intended to critisize or upset you.

OMG what a stupid horrible bitch! How dare she say things about s mother and baby like that just to make herself look good (which it doesn't because just saying things like that makes her look very ungood) she's obviously boring and a bit immature and pathetic, definitely a gob shite and perhaps a bit jealous?

How horrible for you OP. I hope you are feeling ok.

I would feel exactly like you so can only offer you some and a hug and say that looking after a baby is hard work and sometimes confidence sapping so the last thing you need is to hear other people who hardly know you making rude comments.

If the nurse saw your name on the receptionists screen or something because you were due for a Dr's appointment then it could have then triggered the memory of what happened and that's why she said it as you were there.

You could anonymously report her for talking about patients in the waiting room