To ask for your house sharing advice?

[SandysMom]

Have house-shared in uni in the past but will be moving in with 3 others (friends and friends of friends) in a few weeks!

Really excited but also am aware of things that could cause conflict! Do you lot have any suggestions? Eg rules for boyfriends staying over, washing-up rotas. No idea how to even approach things like that. I'm v laid-back but don't want others to take advantage or of course to feel like I am taking advantage

In good news even numbers usually work out better than odd numbers (it's easy for two people to play the blame game with the third housemate, four is a more balanced number).

I haven't house shared for several years, but I think I'd be a little put out if someone kicked-off our house sharing relationship with rules and rotas... I consider myself to be quite reasonable (I'm clean, quiet, respectful) so I'd be hurt and a bit affronted that the first thing a housemate wanted to do was highlight ways in which we could fall out.

Instead maybe agree to a house meeting on a fortnightly basis (with wine and take away) not only does that give you (and the others) a forum to discuss house things (bills, rotas, rules as and when those conversations become necessary) but it also feels more
collaborative and less...pessimistic, I guess.

Definitely You're right, I certainly wouldn't want to go in all guns blazing with rules etc! Just have had experience of living with a friend who moved her boyfriend in immediately and don't want to experience that again if poss!

First job. Get a cleaner. Worth every penny to avoid rotas and squabbles.

Get a cleaner. Immediately.

And don't be a dick about having a loo roll and milk rota, it is literally tens of pounds over the year. Also don't be a dick about labelling your food / hiding it in your room / doing all your washing up but leaving the one mug in the sink that was already there because someone else used it.

Lastly, have a break clause in the contract. If you don't like living with them, move out after 6 months. Plenty of people on spare room and an opportunity to make friends.

Ideally find a house where everyone is at the same stage of life as you are...the house where half of us were working and the other half studying was the house share where we gelled the least. Half of us wanted to bring friends round and the other half wanted quiet to work/study.

Luckily we didn't argue about housework though, everyone was tidy and took turns hoovering etc.

I'd say the same as ThinkPinkStink (even better if you make it over a meal, like VoyageofDad suggests. Yu don't want to start off with lots of rotas and rules, but it would make sense to agree to all spend a bit of time in a communal space regularly to begin with so you can iron out any things that are a bit annoying before they drive any of you insane.
We all have different ideas of what's irritating or what's acceptable, and you just need to have that relationship where it's OK to say so to each other.

Really good points!

They all seem like really nice people which is great. The only thing I'm a bit worried about is that I'm the only one who'll be in a training contract style grad scheme... 2 will be working and 1 will be doing a masters, so all tough but I'll be studying as well as working long hours. Do you think this will make any kind of difference??

Bumping

Nah it will be a nice mix. I did a grad scheme with professional exams whilst sharing with 1 girl doing a PHD and 1 doing a 'normal' job and it was nice having a study/work balance in the house.

Shared for 5 more years after uni whilst I worked. Was nice actually, although obviously we had minor issues at times.

Rules for harmonious living:

• Dishwasher
• Cleaner
• Not being petty
• Do have some sort of agreement about boyfriends staying over. Especially important if you share bathrooms and you suddenly find yourselves gone from 3 to 5 people essentially living there.
• Everyone needs to act more considerately than you would when living on your own or with a DP or family.
• Do socialise together a bit - over a meal, a BBQ, watching TV, whatever. It does help.

Never leave notes telling other people off, even with smiley faces on them.