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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this hen do

17 replies

Limegreentimemachine · 23/06/2016 20:37

A friend is having a hen do abroad.

It will involve flights (over £100), entry to the activity (which is something I have no interest in), hotel (no hostel available) plus food and transfers. Overall it last over several days and would easily cost £400.

I could go, but I would feel bad spending so much money on myself, and then not taking the children anywhere other than a campsite perhaps. I also have a home renovation to save for. I just don't think I can't justify spending this amount of money.

There is no UK event planned. I'm a close friend of the bride to be, but not a bridesmaid.

Aibu to not go?

The wedding is also abroad, so I'm already wondering if I'll be able to go to that.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 23/06/2016 20:39

Yanbu. I wouldn't go to wedging either!

RaeSkywalker · 23/06/2016 20:39

It sounds like you can't afford it. Don't go! Maybe offer to take the bride for lunch before the wedding.

Banana99 · 23/06/2016 20:40

Screw people and their expensive hen dos! No, unless you are really close to them or the money doesn't matter to you.
If you don't want to spend that don't. I think it's really selfish to even suggest it

sepa · 23/06/2016 20:41

Just be honest and say you can't afford

Sassypants82 · 23/06/2016 20:43

In your position I definitely couldn't justify spending that amount on a hen do. My personal circumstances are similar & I wouldn't even consider it. I would probably go to the wedding though.

FetchezLaVache · 23/06/2016 20:45

Bride chooses hen do abroad, bride has to accept that costs will prevent some from attending. YANBU.

Original poster
Limegreentimemachine · 23/06/2016 20:45

I don't know if I can justify saying I can't afford it, as i do have the money, I just have other spending priorities.

I wish there was a cheaper option!

OP posts:
Tworingsandamicrowave · 23/06/2016 20:45

The hen would probably appreciate your honesty sooner rather than later as it will be quite a lot of organise. If you are close to her, offer to take her for afternoon tea or something, just the two of you.

Smellyrose · 23/06/2016 21:05

But you only have a finite amount of money and it needs to be used for something else (family holiday, etc). So you don't have the money for the hen do.

Original poster
Limegreentimemachine · 23/06/2016 21:13

Does that count as not being able to afford it? I guess so. I'll give her a call.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 23/06/2016 21:19

She's invited you, because of you leave people out, because you've made an assumption that they couldn't go, they get pissed off and hold grudges.

So the invitation is put out and anyone who can't go, can decline it.

I and people in my circle, my Adult DDs etc, love this sort of thing, but if someone can't go, then that fine and the Bride doesn't expect 'Afternoon tea', or anything else.

fabulous01 · 23/06/2016 21:23

I have declined things like this. It isn't just about having children who would need things I jut know it isn't my thing and politely decline. I learnt a long time ago that if if someone doesn't want to be somewhere it is better not to go.

Lazyafternoon · 23/06/2016 21:32

Be honest and as soon as possible.

Just say you don't have the money to spend on a hen do. Saying you don't have that kind of money spare is fair enough. You can be honest without saying you could but don't want to spend the money.

It's ONLY a hen do. If you say no then there may well be other people that will also say no, which might lead to a UK night out as well or something. If she is a good friend to you she'll understand.

kansasmum · 23/06/2016 21:35

God you have my sympathy. I am trying to get out of a similar hen do!
Yanbu to not go!

marisolgonzales · 23/06/2016 21:45

YANBU.

15-20 years ago a hen do was a neal out and a few drinks. If you were really unlucky you'd have the meal at some cabaret type place where there would be male strippers .

Now everyone has weekends away, weekends abroad, plus nights out, lunches, spa days, honestly where will it end?!

Just say really sorry, you'd love to celebrate with her but you simply cant afford it, however can you (and anyone else who can't make it) take her out for lunch/drinks/ whatever instead? I think that's pretty reasonable and if I was the bride then as PPs have said, I'd appreciate that financially and practically not everyone would be able to come to a hen do abroad - and therefore not take umbrage if anyone did say they couldn't make it!

marisolgonzales · 23/06/2016 21:46

Meal out.
Not a neal out...

Original poster
Limegreentimemachine · 23/06/2016 22:33

Thank you for the understanding.

I agree that hen dos have become very expensive affairs. The previous one I went to cost £200 and it was only a day Shock

I didn't want to go but I didn't feel like I could say no. This time I think I will have to!

OP posts:
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