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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visitors from overseas-not looking forward to it now

31 replies

dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:02

One of my best friends is coming to London with her 2 kids.
Was really looking forward to it, but now my mum and sister and nieces are coming too.
There'll be 9 people staying at my house. It's really not that big.
And day tripping into London.
It's going to be chaos and I can't deal with it.

Do I just need to get on with it?

OP posts:
DeathStare · 20/06/2016 20:05

Just say no to your mum, sister and nieces.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 20/06/2016 20:10

How old are the visiting kids and how old is your DC? How many nights?
If all the adults are self going and happy to muck in & not expected to be waited on hand and foot it could be OK, even fun? (trying to be positive here, I wouldn't be over the moon either..)

Original poster
dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:14

Kids are all similar ages 7-9

My mum and sister are their friends too, but they are visiting them after London

Everyone is laid back, but I'm just dreading it now, and no-one asked me.
I love my family and I know I'm being unfair, but I can't help the way I feel

OP posts:
GoEasyPudding · 20/06/2016 20:17

Sounds like too many guests to me. You need to speak up and tell them so.

iwantavuvezela · 20/06/2016 20:21

Can you email them all stating what the arrangements are, something like, okay with 9 in the house and 3 bedrooms this is how I think we should all sleep (perhaps if your mum and sister realise how crowded it will be, they might rethink). Ask guests to bring towels, if your mum and sister are driving ask them to being their duvets etc.
Perhaps say how you would like dinner to be organised .... With such a big group perhaps two people could take responsibility per night to cook for everyone.
You need to let everyone know how this will work out, what they can do (to minimise work / stress for you).
Or ask them for solutions e.g. With x amount of guests and Y rooms, how would you all like to share? How do you think we should cater for everyone?
Once they realise the true reality you might find they realise that it is too much!

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 20/06/2016 20:25

OP, what's the worst that can happen if you say no to your mum, sister & nieces?

Original poster
dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:25

Oh god, that made me feel worse!

OP posts:
Original poster
dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:26

The organisation!

OP posts:
Original poster
dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:27

VVS- it's just unfair, they are their friends too.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 20/06/2016 20:29

No to mum, sister and nieces. Way too many people and very rude of them to assume.

whois · 20/06/2016 20:40

Wow nine guests is a crazy amount!

Either bite the bullet and tell sister and mum there is no room and it's stressing you out - can they please stay in a nearby premier inn.

Or, go for military organisation and get mum and sister to bring all bedding, towels etc and tell them they are not guests and need to help host not make more work.

I love guests but 9 sounds redic. I don't know how I would do that

Original poster
dollylucy · 20/06/2016 20:50

9 people in total
7 guests, but still

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 20/06/2016 20:56

I get self invited guests on a frequent basis and you have all my sympathy. Definitely email re towels and bedding and how rooms might be divided up. You can make this fairly lighthearted and still ensure they get the message: you are not running a hotel and they need to be chipping in and behaving with utmost consideration.

Yes to also discussing meals beforehand. Breakfasts can be sort out yourself and clear up after. Lunches out and dinners to be sorted out between you all. Do state that you feel slightly overwhelmed and no help will be refused.

It could all be great fun but don't become Cinderella. You don't say how long it is for but for a few days I would allow it with these caveats. Longer than that I might be sending links to Airbnb.

ProjectUniverse · 21/06/2016 02:54

We had nine in our house for a whole fortnight a while ago - 5 guests and the 4 of us. We coped - just. Was a bit crap as they all wanted to enjoy their holiday but we had normal life, work and school to carry on with - and no downtime or real room to ourselves - FFS we couldn't even all sit on the sofas at the same time! Personally I wouldn't have that many again as it was too much. Even going out somewhere for a meal was difficult. I'll tell them we can't have that many if they ask again (guests could have very easily come on two separate dates as it wasn't a clear cut single family). Unfortunately they like to do to things en masse so think im going to offend a few people!

HippiePrincess · 21/06/2016 06:42

Blimey
I think it depends on how you feel about the guests and any previous experiences of sharing house room with/ hosting them.
You're not being unreasonable.

HippiePrincess · 21/06/2016 06:44

Are your mum and sister in the UK?

SmallBee · 21/06/2016 06:51

Agree that you need to get them to pitch in. Work out the rooms to best suit you and then email and tell them to bring towels, linen etc.
Ask them to cook at least half of any meals and let them know where your local supermarket is / which ones deliver.
Tell them what food you have for breakfast so they can bring their own if they eat something different.
Basically just off load anything that sounds like hard work on to them and it'll be much more relaxing for you!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/06/2016 07:08

Who invited all these people, your best friend?.

Tell your mother and sister no because there is no room. I would cite fire risk and occupancy laws; you are not running a B & B here and your home will be overcrowded according to the council. Therefore you are very sorry but no they are not staying with you (for free).

They will need to stay in a hotel instead because no-one ever asked you if it was actually ok.

How many bathrooms do you have, there won't be enough for all nine of you to use.

You are not running a (free) B & B; they are trying to use you by using your house as free accommodation.

MissWimpyDimple · 21/06/2016 07:13

I wouldn't even have enough Towels and bedding for 9 people at the same time!

I think you have to say no sometimes!

shiteattheseaside · 21/06/2016 07:18

Just makeup something that came up and say you have to change plans. Or just say to your mum etc that its too much and split visit

zad716 · 21/06/2016 07:45

Attila What fire risk and occupancy laws? Even with 9 people (of which at least 4 are children under 10 who only count as half a person) the house may not be legally overcrowded anyway and even if it was, it doesn't matter if its guests for a short period.

Definitely not being unreasonable to say no to your family, or at least say only for a short period (1 or 2 nights depending how far they are travelling).

Xmasbaby11 · 21/06/2016 07:48

Just say no to your family. We have a big house and there's no way I'd let that many people stay. Chaos and too stressful.

claraschu · 21/06/2016 07:57

We just had 5 house guests + 5 of us over half term. Me husband and I are sleeping outside at the moment anyway though. We had a great time, actually, but I guess it depends on how you feel. Just talk to your family and be truthful though- can't imagine lying to much-loved family, or pretending to care about fire regulations...

whois · 21/06/2016 08:38

ur mother and sister no because there is no room. I would cite fire risk and occupancy laws; you are not running a B & B here and your home will be overcrowded according to the council.

Ah ha ha fucking ha. Don't be redic. "Cite fire risk" to your own family? Are you having a total giraffe?

If my sister told me I couldn't come and stay "because of fire risk and occupancy laws" I'd think she was batshit.

If, however, my sister said she was finding the though of 7 guests too many and please could I come another time or book into Airbnb, I would respect that and do so.

But fire risk????? Totally silly. Honestly the things people come out with on MN.

KittensandKnitting · 21/06/2016 08:45

Who are these people running around risking setting fire to things :) sorry mum you can't stay because your a fire risk... Totally ridiculous! Agree if you say how overcrowded it will be I'm sure they will understand I expect they just got all excited in the moment.

should explain I've just seen another thread where someone wants someone to stay in their rented property and people there are also concerned that he might burn down the house, and what if he does, who would be responsible etc etc.