To not understand why DD can't make friends

[notmaryberry]

Well I know why. It's because she has learning difficulties and isn't 'cool', but she is kind and funny and sweet and loves pop music and Zoella. She has just had a message from a girl who she classed as a good friend to say she doesn't want to be friends anymore, so now she has no one. It breaks my heart. She is going on Y8 camp in a few weeks and no one wants to share a tent with her so she's sharing with a Y12 chaperone. All the kids are nice to her and take care of her but they don't actually want to hang out with her. Adults love her because they can see her gentle soul. What can I do to help her make friends?

She's upset. She's doing that teenage grunting thing.

I have spoken to the school several times, but I guess you can't force someone to be friends. There are a couple of girls she has lunch with but they're not in her year. She needs some kind of youth club I think, but it would be nice for her to have a friend in some of her lessons.

Year 8 is awful, I remember sharing a tent with an older girl at guide camp, and my best friend telling me she didn't want to be best friends any more. So your DD's learning difficulties may not even be a factor - I hope this comes across as comforting rather than dismissive - at least the kids are nice?

Could she have ASD?

I don't think she has ASD but she definitely has some autistic traits. She's very social and friendly and thinks everyone else is going to be the same. I've just spoken to her about a youth club for teens with disabilities and she seems keen to give that a try, so that's something anyway.

I spent the whole of Year 8 with none of my friendship group speaking to me just because a boy liked me and not my friend. It was really hard at first, but I made new friends and they all came crawling back. Yr8 is awful! I second the after school clubs. My DD is only 7 but wouldn't speak to anyone her age because of a speech delay. We joined Rainbows..... Best thing ever. Good luck 🍀

I think some of us just don't make friends easily. I'm the same, as an adult. Everyone likes me, but not enough to want to do things with me. It's always me initiating and most of the time people say they're busy so I don't try so much as it feels one sided. I joined a group and I've made friends through that. I still don't have a lot of people who want to do things with me outside of scheduled group activities, but it's better than nothing to be part of something.