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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to complain to school?

15 replies

Sukistjames · 17/06/2016 23:47

Fully prepared to be told I would be 'that parent' if I did this and as a teacher I know all about those!

9 yo DS came home from school upset today because he'd had golden time taken away. A misunderstanding between him and another boy led to my DS being called a liar by a TA. He is adamant he didn't lie and 2 other friends told the TA the other boy was lying but she didn't believe them. Now I know my DS isn't perfect but one thing he doesn't do is lie. He owns up to his mistakes and in his 5 years at that school hasn't lost any golden time.
I have spoke to him about it tonight as he was so upset and explained that sometimes adults make mistakes too and it isn't always fair but WIBU to raise the matter at school?

OP posts:
TrivialBlah · 17/06/2016 23:59

I can understand your frustration but I'd let it go in this occasion, it's your ds word against the TA. I doubt she/he will backtrack and change their mind. Your ds can't get his golden time back so I'd just leave it.

Original poster
Sukistjames · 18/06/2016 00:38

Thank you. Just handed myself a grip!

OP posts:
calamityjam · 18/06/2016 00:43

No. I would follow this up, show your son that you believe him and that people who tell the truth shouldn't be punished unnecessarily. I know teachers make mistakes but if you ignore this, you are showing him that there is nothing to be gained from telling the truth. The TA may have 30 kids but he is your kid, he needs to know that you take him seriously and that when adults make mistakes, they should apologise.

Cheeseinthetrap · 18/06/2016 02:14

I would leave it, it's really not that big of deal and I doubt anything will come of it, it's unlikely the TA will back down & the school will most likely support her, what matters is that he knows you believe him.

Original poster
Sukistjames · 19/06/2016 07:42

Calamityjam I get what you're saying. He knows me and his dad believe what he said and don't give a monkeys that he's lost golden time. I think he's forgotten all about it now which is good!

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 19/06/2016 09:49

let it go, if it becomes a pattern then raise with the school. Adults are only human

TrivialBlah · 19/06/2016 11:24

We've had a couple of instances when ds has also been adamant he was not in the wrong, both times TA involvement. Tbh sometimes the TA in ds class punishes the whole class, which annoys me greatly, lazy punishment imo.

I'd never go in though, can just imagine eye rolled expressions if I did.

CodyKing · 19/06/2016 11:28

Why not go in and say - I'm a bit confused about what happened on Friday - could you explain please?

No accusations

TitusAndromedon · 19/06/2016 11:31

Does your son like football? I'm a teacher, and when kids come in upset because they have got in trouble for something they didn't do, I often ask them that. If they do, we talk about the fact that in football, players sometimes get unfairly penalised and bad calls are made, but equally, sometimes they get away with things the ref doesn't spot. Usually, it all evens out in the end. They often agree and are able to move on, particularly when they reflect on times they haven't been caught! I think this is only applicable for relatively minor incidents, but it brings things into perspective.

apple1992 · 19/06/2016 11:48

I would leave it. You've said the right thing to your ds.

but one thing he doesn't do is lie
I have heard this a million times over and sadly often untrue, therefore not good basis for the argument.

TrivialBlah · 19/06/2016 12:23

Titus, what a great way of explaining this scenario to children. Love this.

CodyKing · 19/06/2016 12:25

Titus, what a great way of explaining this scenario to children. Love this.

How do you explain to none football playing children?

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2016 12:31

I've always told my kids the same thing as Titus but without the football references.

I ask them if they've ever done something wrong at school and not been caught. Have they spoken in class to the child next to them, when the teacher has told the class not to? Have they run down the corridor when no-one was looking, even though they know they're supposed to walk?

The answer is almost always yes to something they've got away with.

So I'd tell them when they add up all those things, they've still come out on top, if they've been told off for something they didn't actually do.

Obviously it doesn't apply to anything serious.

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2016 12:32

I mean when the teacher has told the class to be quiet. Not that the teacher would tell the class not to speak to one particular child Grin Blush

TrivialBlah · 19/06/2016 13:18

I'm sure Titus modifies so suit. Couldn't compare to Rubgy though, with the 'third eye' Wink

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