AIBU to think this was unwarranted?

[loobieloo32]

I have quite a stressful job that I started about a month ago. There isn't a lot of support (like to show me the ropes) so I've been left to just fumble my way through. I've had to ask for help a few times and in short I think my manager dislikes me for it. I've done way over my contracted hours (not by choice!) and have worked so hard to make really essential changes. Today I asked my manager if she was ok just like in conversation and she bit my head off "do I look like I'm alright" I was a bit shocked and said, well no but it's nice to ask isn't it and she said no, not she you can see how stressed I am.

AIBU (and possibly a bit burnt out and over sensitive) to feel this was a bit mean and uncalled for?

OP, sorry to read you are having such a challenging time at work. It sounds like your manager is over stressed too and has taken it out on you today. :-( It isn't likely to be personal. But this doesn't excuse her behaviour. I hope you have the chance to relax soon and recharge your batteries. Try to forget about today and let your line manager get on with it. Keep it professional and let her make the next overture on a more personal level. If you are really upset, perhaps bring it up in your next 1-2-1 with her. I hope you feel better soon. And good luck with the new job; you'll get the hang of it in no time.

Thanks Yorkshire if it's a one off I can understand I imagine that they are stressed glad I'm not just being over sensitive x thank you 😊

YANBU, That sounds like a ridiculous situation to be in.

don't take it personally, some of us (and i'm by no means in a high-powered job) are crap at dealing with stress. Don't let her keep doing it though, you shouldn't feel like you're treading on eggshells.

How horrible for you OP. There's you been left to learn on your own and your manager sounds like a bitch. This happened to me too once until I stood up to her and told her never to speak to me like that again. A couple of days later I asked her to go for a coffee with me to smooth things over ( I didn't say that to her though). I can't say she became my best friend but we got along ok after that.

YANBU.

I may be a bit bitter at the moment, though, as I'm about to quit my job over this kind of shit. I could have written most of your post, and it only got worse.

I decided after I nearly had a nervous breakdown and tanked my whole career that I can't with with people who think it's okay to treat others like that.

Your scenario may be totally different, but keep a close eye and knock any problems on the head early. I think going for a coffee, like someone suggested upthread, can be a smart idea.

Sounds crappy, I've been in a job like this, it didn't get any better! Is looking for a new job an option?

Thanks for you replies I'm glad I'm not just being too soft! I do think the manager is stressed but it's not of my doing and it's happened a few times now. I don't think she would agree to a coffee as I've tried being nice but that seems to wind her up more. It's like I'm resented for not knowing how to do things (and to be fair some things must sound stupid but I know how to do things she won't know (I'm a healthcare professional) and I would never speak to someone like this)

I would rather not get a new job as I love the area I work in and want to give it my best shot, I can't understand why I am being treated this way-I've never seen her speak like this to others. Thanks for letting me have a moan!

Loobie, she sounds unprofessional and rude. There's no need to be snapping at anyone.
I'd be keeping everything professional, still try and be friendly and breezy, but not trying too hard.
Says more about her than it does you.
Try not to take it personally, she sounds threatened by you, she could have her own reasons for being like she is, do the best you can and come on here to let off steam. Obviously if it gets unbearable, you'll need to raise it, either with her or her manager, but see how you go.

I would just mentally file it away for future reference. It reflects more on her than you.

It sounds like she is close to cracking up. I am assuming you are working in some kind of poorly funded public service?

Workplace stress is contagious for exactly the reasons you describe. She is stressed, her behaviour is affected, this affects other people, and on and on.

Is there anyone else you can ask other than her?

I have a meeting with the top dog manager on Tuesday to discuss some issues that need sorting (not this). I'm reluctant to say anything to her about this because I don't want her to get more stressed and then to make it worse :/

I think the advice I've been given here is really good and will definitely stop trying to be a nice person to take it out on and stick to professional and breezy.

Unfortunately I do have to ask her sometimes (not least because this is her job role) but I have been networking and have also found other people to help me wherever possible.

I can't imagine why she would feel threatened but I do know She is stressed so I will cut her some slack as well . Thanks everyone great advice

If it happens again and you feel it is too much, cal her out on it. Life is too short to put up with this cr@p. Then and there ask to speak in private and tell her how you feel, ask her where her attitude is coming from and whether you can help. It need not be aggressive or come befo trio al but firm. I have done this in the past and it resolved things for me.

• confrontational. Sorry typo... Good luck OP. I really hope it gets better for you so that you can enjoy your job and be able to focus on progressing further.

Do you work in social services OP?

No violet but not a million miles away from it :) thanks Yorkshire I will try and say something if it happens again, I'm not a very confrontational person and I'm usually a diffuser type of person so I find it hard but need to toughen up a bit! Thanks so much all x

But of an update. Walked in to such a weird situation. Person who was being horrid was getting the mother of all dressing downs today and the big boss didn't even stop when I walked in. It was a bit embarassing and I felt a bit sorry for her. But have stayed aloof. Two minutes later and she was asking me if I was ok!!! Im going to put it down to stress and give her another chance but keep my distance a bit.

Would anybody have any idea how to deal with social services. My partner and I had an altercation which resulted in me calling the police, however no statements or complaints were taken. I regrettably confided in my g.p who has said he has to involve the ss despite me insisting I am no longer living with my partner and our child was never at risk. I do understand it is ther duty to report such things. My concern now is that I have moved county and therefore the ss will not find me at my old address. My partner is also not living at that address. Does anybody know what the ss will do as I am worried after hearing so many awful stories about the ss taking children away from their parents.

Hi Poppy, you probably need to start a new thread as this is quite an old thread on a different subject. You will get more help that way.

Poppymona you need to start a new thread of your own. Good luck

Thanks I am new and didn't know how to start one x

Don't worry, Poppy, we were all new once. I'd suggest you start a thread in Chat www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat, not here in Am I Being Unreasonable.

Click on that blue link ^^ and it will take you to Chat. Right at the top it says Start a new thread within this topic.

Good luck.