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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be in a hotel

31 replies

sooooootired · 11/06/2016 20:26

Ill try to keep it as short as possible... We have a 2 yr old dc. Hes lovely but im sooooo tired. We all have to get up at 7 for work etc but he wakes before then most days (sometimes 6/6.30) if im lucky sometimes earlier. I am always the one to get up with him, oh either stays in bed or (more annoyingly somehow) if its the weekend will come downstairs 15 minutes or so after ive gone downstairs with dc and deposit himself on the sofa. I was really ill last weekend and it was still me getting up at 5.30 to sort dc out. (I normally try bringing him into our bed but that never really results in more sleep). So i asked oh to please let me have a lie in this saturday and he promised he would, only to stay out drinking last night and refuse to get up this morning. I ended up going to see dc when he woke at 5 this morning :( His nappy needed changing which oh did do but he then got back into bed and refused to move. So i ended up lying in bed for 2 hours with a hyper toddler bouncing up and down on my head until i gave up and we went downstairs. Oh claimed that i "had had a lie in till 7.30". No i hadnt. I was trying to ignore the small child climbing on me for 2 hours in the hope he would go to sleep again. So I asked dp if he would mind staying in for tonight so i could book a hotel. He agreed no problem but as I was booking it started frowning and saying actions have consequences and then sulked for the rest of the day. I think he hoped i would change my mind but i haven't, im here with a cold glass of wine and a bath running. I don't think dp can seriously think im up to anything dodgy ( im not) I explained that I just want one lie in and he knows exactly where I am. I'm juts wondering what the "consequences" are going to be and whether hes justified in being so mardy...

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 11/06/2016 20:30

I'm guessing there's more to this as you don't generally get to check into a hotel for the night because having a 2 year old is hard work.

If there's not the YABU.

Lweji · 11/06/2016 20:31

actions have consequences

I fully agree with him and I'm glad you are showing him what the consequences of his actions are.
I hope you have a good night and he understands how unreasonable he was.

Btw, next time don't ask him to do his part. Tell him, or negotiate.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 11/06/2016 20:31

I don't think the situation should have got to a point where you felt you needed to book a hotel.

But while you're there you should enjoy it as much as possible and deal with it when you get home.

edwinbear · 11/06/2016 20:35

It does sound quite extreme, I'm up at 5.30 every week day morning to get us out on time, and ds had me up at the same time this morning whilst DH had a lie in. I just went back to bed for a sleep this afternoon when the tiredness hit me. If your DH would have stropped about you doing the same though, YANBU.

ivykaty44 · 11/06/2016 20:37

So your oh goes out on the piss and you still get up with the dc

Consequence of going out on the piss

Go for a 5:30 run
Go for a 5:30 run followed by cooking a bacon butty for one
Go for a 5:30 run followed by a bacon butty for one and then setting of for an early morning shop at the supermarket for one item on a bicycle .

Go out in the morning and leave oh to do the early morning wakeup and then see if he wants to share.

Don't let up on Monday morning - if you're up go out and leave him to it

Yes going out on the piss has consequences

CalleighDoodle · 11/06/2016 20:46

Actions have consequences snet a chill down my spine. Your partner sounds poke a controlling cock.

CalleighDoodle · 11/06/2016 20:46

Like, not poke

NotYoda · 11/06/2016 20:50

I also think it shouldn't have come to this, but by God I understand why you've done it. Chronic early starts with not help are a killer.

His "actions have consequences" line sounds threatening to me.

Is he generally a dick?

redexpat · 11/06/2016 20:51

Well it seems that his actions have consequences - for you. Until now. Enjoy your night and don't give him a second thought.

noodlepixie · 11/06/2016 20:54

Actions have consequences do they? Well his action of going out on the piss has led to the consequence of you staying in a hotel because you are bloody exhausted. Look after yourself

Hurryhurryhurry · 11/06/2016 20:57

So he went out last night, and got completely pissed, even though he'd previously agreed to get up with ds?
Then you had to ask him to not go out again tonight (so 2 nights in a row) so you could try for a lie in again and he refused?!

Yes too right you should be in that hotel to tonight, but that only sorts the problem short term.

budgiegirl · 11/06/2016 20:58

Don't feel guilty. Enjoy your night in the hotel.

When you get home, sit down with your DH and discuss with him how he needs to pull his weight and let you have equal lie-ins. He has no right to get stroppy over this.

ihatethecold · 11/06/2016 20:59

He wouldn't turn up would he?
With the toddler in tow.

almostthirty · 11/06/2016 20:59

You are doing exactly what I was seriously thinking about doing last night and I am v . Ds2 is also 2 and has been up lads in the night this week due to hot weather and eczema (I was googling hotels at 3am!)
The only difference is dh gets up with him too and we take turns trying to lie in.
I did suggest to dh that I go to a hotel on a Friday night a day he can go Saturday, we are seriously considering it!

dlwelly · 11/06/2016 21:05

Well done for sticking with it and going!

YADNBU! It's awful getting up with them and missing out on your own sleep and even worse when they get to stay in bed and don't even think that it's something they should offer to do!

You even asked for a lie in this morning rather than Spring it on him and he still couldn't help you

Enjoy your wine and your lie in. Hopefully you can have a few in your own bed next week.

queenofthepirates · 11/06/2016 21:06

I'm completely with you on this one. He made a promise and he broke it.
FWIW, I spent my last mother's day here www.corraldelrey.com/ and it was a delight. I'm a single mum and my parents offered to have my DD so I jumped at the chance and spent a blissful night emptying the minibar.
I hope you picked a lovely hotel!

thenightsky · 11/06/2016 21:07

I fear that his statement 'actions have consequences' means he will rock up at your hotel, either late tonight or stupid o'clock in the morning, with DS, who he will leave with you and clear off.

HopeArden · 11/06/2016 21:07

Your oh sounds nasty. The 'actions have consequences' gave me the chills as well. Think you might find your life is lot nicer if this selfish prick wasn't in it!

Hissy · 11/06/2016 21:11

There are consequences to HIS actions too!

Who the fuck makes an ill partner do the heavy lifting ffs?

Pearlman · 11/06/2016 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErNope · 11/06/2016 21:25

You are so not being unreasonable and I reaaaaaaaally wish so many women would follow in your foot steps rather than allowing themselves to be treated as skivvies.

Smellyoulater · 11/06/2016 21:33

Good for you! He sounds exactly like my ex. Despicable behaviour.

clarrrp · 11/06/2016 21:34

not good at all. But to be honest I can't help but feel there is a history of you doing the majority of the work regarding child care and rearing and so you other half doesn't really see it as his job.

My ex and I when our little ones were babies shared these jobs 50/50 fro day one. For instance, if I did the midnight feed he did the 2am and we would frequntly kick each othr in the middle of the night and say 'it's your turn'

When he ended his paternity leave i would do both night feeds, but I thought it entirely reasonable to expect him to do the 4/5am feed. After all, we would both be up and awake and doing a job all day

You have conditioned your other half to act this way and you have let him away with it. However i am delighted that you have taken yourself away for the night to relax and left him with the toddler. Good for you. xx

TooMuchMNTime · 11/06/2016 21:35

yes, actions have consequences
him being a useless parent has forced you out of your home and into a hotel!

ijustwannadance · 11/06/2016 21:37

Don't forget to put your phone on silent.

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