To be sick of everything being about DB's sodding divorce!

[NoCapes]

Ok I know I'm BU, that's why I'm ranting here and not in real life

DB and his wife split up a few months ago, he left the house and moved back in with our Mum & Stepdad
He's gutted about the divorce, it was her not him and if she'd have him he'd go back at any moment

Now I'm upset for him I really am, and I've done what I can to support him, and still am trying to be supportive

The issue is my Mum
She keeps making everything about the divorce

Me and my kids see a lot of her, we go to her house for tea once a week and my kids have a sleepover every other weekend, sometimes hours before we're meant to be there I'll get a text "DB is a bit down, have to rearrange" or sometimes she'll say "I think he's going out if he is I'll let you know and you can come round" like we're not allowed to see him
We spend time together without her, so I don't get why she thinks she has to keep us seperate?!
And changing plans last minute is just inconvenient to say the least!
Especially as my kids know when we're meant to be there and they get upset when it's cancelled

I also get texts off her a lot asking me if I've spoke to him and asked him how he's doing today () or saying things like "DB is having a bad day, text him" or "DB is down today, why don't you suggest lunch" like I can just drop everything and take him for lunch

Now I get it, he's having a shit time, he's upset, nobody wants to see him upset, but ffs I've got 3 kids, a dog, a house and just generally my own shit going on! I have enough people in my life to look after, I don't want to constantly check in on him!

Now I know I'm being a heartless bitch but I'm very tired and I've just had another text suggesting I take DB for lunch and I just want to text back "NO! I'm a busy fucking woman, I've got relationship issues of my own, I've got health issues that you know about, I've got a none sleeping baby and two kids on half term, right now my life gives not one fuck that he is getting divorced! Not ONE! Now stop fucking texting me!!!! " ... But I won't of course I'll probably take him for lunch

Blimey. I'd ask DB to have a word.

I think DB already feels like a massive burden on her so I don't want him to know she's being a fucking loon a bit OTT because he'll feel a burden on other people's lives too

Every time she says this reply "I'm busy, why can't you take him/check up on him/cheer him up" etc. And carry on until she gets fed up.

Have you asked after him at all without being prompted? Just wondering why your mum is going on so much.

Saying that, DH's mum texts him about his sister and it's bloody annoying. Stuff like "don't forget it's X's birthday/X is going on holiday/X is doing this" etc, it's annoying. They are adults in their 40's, if they wanted a close relationship and to tell each other stuff they would bother with each other more.

I think you need to back off - cut out the regular tea and sleepovers and just arrange ad hoc ones at times that do work. That will also help with your DC getting disappointed. You just tell them at the last minute if the tea/sleepover is going ahead, rather than them expecting it because of the day.

BeYourself I'm actually quite close to my brother, we do speak quite a bit and yes I do occasionally say 'I'm doing x want to come with or meet us after?' Etc etc
I'm very aware not to leave him on his own when he's ordinarily be with ExSil - he was at a bbq at my house on Monday with our friends for example
I'm not sure if my mum knows that we regularly speak/text though, I don't really feel the need to tell her

But even if I never spoke to him she'd be doing my fucking nut in tbh

Yes it would anyone I expect. Tell her to back off, that you are an adult and you don't need her constant messages asking you to get in touch with him or take him out, that you are perfectly capable of thinking of these things for yourself if and when you are able to do them. Adult children don't need their relationships micromanaged by their parents!

BeYourself maybe him moving in has made her regress 20 years and she feels we're all kids who she has to encourage to play nicely again

Maybe. Maybe we never really get out of 'mum' mode. I still feel like my younger siblings are my 'baby brothers' because they is a large age gap and I used to look after them a lot. They tower over me now but I still look at them as little and needy (although I don't show this ).

Ugh, my DM used to do this to try to get my db and I to 'reconnect'. I pre-empt her these days with 'Yes, I know, I just facebooked/texted him' which flattens her every time. It's very annoying, so if I were you, OP, I'd put a stop to her ASAP by letting her know that you regularly speak to your db and that you do have more stuff to worry about.