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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday money

19 replies

Madeaminnieme · 30/05/2016 18:28

Ok, this isn't about money given to the kids but money given to me. There's a family wedding coming up and my DD isn't in the wedding party but I've been asked to spend in the region of £50 on a matching outfit she will never wear again. This is before shoes to match and whatever else needed. When I said I was going to shop around to get it cheaper the reply from the in laws was "but you've just spent the same on the gala you are going to". I said I used my own birthday money for that and got told I should have used my birthday money on the wedding outfit in stead.
So I asked if I'm expected to spend my birthday money on my children and the answer was yes.
AIBU for not only being furious about them not allowing me to just shop around and not treat myself (never happens any other time btw) but also upset they are unwilling to even discuss it and instead make me feel like I'm failing as a mum?

OP posts:
Foslady · 30/05/2016 18:31

Wtf???? No way should they be dictating how you spend your treat money!!! Let them pay the £50 if it's that sodding important

PeppaIsMyHero · 30/05/2016 18:31

YANBU.

If they had deigned to include her in the wedding party, they would have a say over what she wears (and should supply it). As it is, she is a guest at a family wedding - are they imposing a uniform on the other guests?

Either way, it's your birthday money, not their wedding money, so you spend it on whatever you want.

Original poster
Madeaminnieme · 30/05/2016 18:49

My other child is but she isn't because she's so young, only crawling. I honestly couldn't believe it when they said it and tempted to give the money they gave me (yes even they gave me birthday money with instructions to use it towards shoes or something!) back to them

OP posts:
Paintedhandprints · 30/05/2016 18:53

They are rude and controlling.

Gide · 30/05/2016 19:48

Tell them to fuck off. She's not in the wedding party, you can put what you like on her, not some outfit she'll hate just so they can get matchy matchy photos. Your birthday money is yours, no question.

GeekyWombat · 30/05/2016 20:46

Did they pay for your other DC's outfit as part of the wedding party? Is this some kind of cheeky 'we're too tight to pay for two but want cute matching toddler wedding photos' type gubbins?

As for your birthday money, they can cock right off. It's right that you should spend it on yourself, especially if you don't do it at any other time.

Arkhamasylum · 30/05/2016 20:52

Ridiculous. It's not even something for your daughter. You're supposed to use your birthday money to dress her up so she 'matches' their wedding. Bizarre. I always thought that if you stipulated what someone wore to a wedding (in the case of a bridesmaid, for example), then you paid for it. Otherwise, people can wear what they want. Your daughter isn't an ornament and they have no right to tell you how to spend your money.

PoppieD · 30/05/2016 21:10

What rot! No way should they expect to dictate to you about what to spend to outfit your daughter! And even worse that they give you a present then tell you to spend it on other people and things if I've picked it up right?

ThatsMyStapler · 30/05/2016 21:15

nod, smile sweetly and agree, then put her in what ever you would have put her in before

you could say, if they want a matching outfit they will need to supply it, but otherwise just ignore them or tell them to fuck off

Balletgirlmum · 30/05/2016 21:17

No baby needs a £50 outfit they will never war again.

Ok I chose to spend around that on christening outfits for mine but then re- used them for various other special occasions until they outgrew them

I once hunted for a special outfit for ds who was 6 months for a wedding. The day turned out to be so hot we stripped him down to his Winnie the Pooh bodysuit the whole day!

GeoffreysGoat · 30/05/2016 21:17

£50 for an outfit for a crawling baby?

Fuck. That.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 30/05/2016 22:03

Oh they can jog on. We bought a gorgeous dress for 2 week old dd for bil's wedding. She wore it for the ceremony then I changed her into a just as cute outfit with piglet on as it was less fussy and easier for her to be in.

If they want lo in an outfit to match the wedding party then they fork out for it. Otherwise, it's your choice based on cost,
practicality. Whatever you want it to be.

Penfold007 · 30/05/2016 22:07

What has your H said, does he spend birthday money on the children? Hope in laws bought bridesmaid outfit

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/05/2016 22:21

It's your money, spend it on whatever you want to. They can fuck the fuck off.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 30/05/2016 22:32

YANBU. How you spend any money has got fuck all to do with them, birthday money or not. I also would refuse to buy a matching outfit for a child that wasn't in the wedding party. Just say "no, I'm no doing that" and get something else, or put her in something she already has.

Original poster
Madeaminnieme · 31/05/2016 05:58

My H agreed it was a lot to spend but other than that stood silent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madeaminnieme · 31/05/2016 06:00

Oops, hit post by mistake.
PoppieD, yes you got that right. They gave me birthday money then told me last night I should use birthday money on the kids. Right now, I'm debating with myself on whether I should put it in an envelope and post it through their door lol

OP posts:
Sleepyjean70 · 31/05/2016 06:10

Give them a gift card for their birthday for a shop they don't use and tell them they need to spend it on your dh.
Op Yanbu

Original poster
Madeaminnieme · 31/05/2016 08:19

Like that idea sleepjean70! Grin

OP posts:
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