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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very concerned about this?

50 replies

cakedup · 29/05/2016 00:23

A close friend of mine has told me that she caught her 6 year old son (my godson) searching on google for "sexy naked ladies". Thankfully, he spelt it wrong!

She was obviously alarmed and asked him why he was doing this, he just very innocently said he wanted to see some sexy naked ladies! She has now put parental controls on all their devices.

He has always been very computer savvy - a whizz at using the ipad as a toddler, so that aspect of it doesn't surprise me. But I'm still pretty shocked and concerned that a 6 year old was doing this. Am I over-reacting? On the other hand, I know that he is innocent and wasn't searching for porn in the way I would understand it as an adult. I've just never encountered anything like this with my DS.

My friend tells me that he is very into teenage girls, often ogling at them and his dad told her he'll lose his virginity by the age of 12.

She has succumbed to what she believes is the fact that her son has the makings of a 'womaniser.' She says all she can do is teach him to be respectful to women.

I just feel uncomfortable about it all, should I just mind my own business or say something?

OP posts:
NewYearNewToads · 29/05/2016 00:26

his dad told her he'll lose his virginity by the age of 12.

Hmm
MrsSpecter · 29/05/2016 00:27

his dad told her he'll lose his virginity by the age of 12.

Shock

What a fucked up thing to say!! And Who does he suppose he'll be losing his virginity to at 12?? Another 12 year old or a 16 year old Confused No prizes for guessing where he has heard about sexy naked women on the internet. Hmm

Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 00:28

I'd like to say he meant it as a joke but I'm really not sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 00:31

I've know the dad for many years, he is not directly disrespectful to women, a womaniser or anything like that. Friends has never had a problem with him with porn or anything like that.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 00:32

They've sexualised their 6 YO, that's very concerning.

I'm guessing/presuming the little boy's repeating what his Dad says? At 6 he's got to have heard the term 'sexy naked ladies' somewhere and if the Dad's saying all the other shit then it does point to him rather than something he's heard at school.

Just one of the things you've said would be worrying, but all the bits together (losing his virginity by 12?? Does the Dad think that'll reflect on him and prove he's a man somehow? Hmm Is the Dad insecure about stuff like that?) make me feel really sorry for the little lad.

It sounds as though your friend has already talked to you about it ('She says all she can do is teach him to be respectful to women.') what stopped you from saying you find it totally inappropriate to her then?

Have school picked up on it yet?

DefinitelyNotAJourno · 29/05/2016 00:45

I'd be very concerned, and would be watching for signs of sexualised behaviour both in the 6yo and his family. For example, touching genitals through their own clothing. The behaviour shown is already very alarming.

JinRamen · 29/05/2016 00:50

That sounds quite worrying.

AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 00:50

Do you have any children OP? If you do how old are they?

FastWindow · 29/05/2016 00:54

I'm with you agent OP, do you have any six year olds? They're mental.

AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 01:01

I have a 6 YO DD and the thought of her leching after teenage boys would be fucking shocking! (regardless of whether she was copying someone else or not)

What did the lad say when your friend asked him where he'd heard the phrase 'sexy naked ladies' and what he thought it meant?

Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 01:04

AgentZigzag my reaction was one of shock and surprise when she told me, and when I asked her where he would get such an idea from she told me that it wouldn't surprise her if some of the other kids at school had been talking about it. I said at this point that a 6 year old wouldn't really know about this kind of thing but that perhaps some of the other kids had older siblings, and it had filtered down from there?

And yes, I think there was a bit of pride coming from the dad about his son's 'advanced' ways. But no, don't think the dad is insecure about this kind of thing himself. School haven't picked up on it. It was a phone call and I wasn't expecting to hear this so wasn't sure how to respond, but am seeing her face to face in a couple of days.

DefinitelyNotAJourno the thing is the parents are very hot on safeguarding (from inappropriate behaviour towards their son). I know all the family, including extended, really well. They are from a different culture though and wonder if that might have a part to play in it. The word "sexy" for example is used more loosely and around kids.

OP posts:
FeckinCrutches · 29/05/2016 01:08

His dad sounds like a twat. Who would even say that about their 6 year old child? So disgusting. Totally getting it from his dad I reckon

Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 01:09

AgentZigzag yes i have an 11 year old DS and he still screws his face up at the thought of kissing a girl! I'm not sure if she asked him those questions, will find out more when I see her.

She told me they were on holiday and he was sitting there mouth open, watching the younger teenage girls in their bikinis! And that he is drawn towards pubescent girls in general.

OP posts:
Iknownuffink · 29/05/2016 01:14

There is something very wrong going on within the family of your friend.

No six year old should be behaving like that.

Italiangreyhound · 29/05/2016 01:18

Yikes that all sounds very sexualised for a 6 year old. Very worrying.

Agree with MrsSpecter it sounds like has heard this from his dad.

His dad clearly gets a kick out of predetermining that his son will be a womaniser. How very sad!

I was going to ask if a class mate had put him up to it, or an older boy, that can happen as a kind of bullying, being 'persuaded' to look something up, maybe saying 'it will be funny' and then get the other child in trouble.

Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 01:19

I wasn't going to reveal this but have outed myself enough as it is! The truth is, my 'friend' is actually my cousin. So she is my family! There is nothing awful going on, like sexual abuse.

OP posts:
GarlicSteak · 29/05/2016 01:20

Urgh. Your last post suggests a tiny sex pest in the making :(

I lived in Latin America for a while. People sexualised their children very, very young. It's uncomfortable for someone from our type of culture ... and they had a massive problem with child sex abuse. Hard not to connect some dots. Also hard to get your point across, when it's embedded in the national psyche.

I hate to say this, and I'd understand if you decided not to push it, but I think I'd be trying to show the boy's mum it isn't very healthy for such a young kid to be pre-empting his puberty like this. He might even have a hormonal abnormality (I've only seen this in girls, but am sure it must happen to boys too.) If he checks out OK, perhaps she could have a word with his school about sexual appropriateness ...

AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 01:21

'There is nothing awful going on, like sexual abuse.'

I'm not disagreeing with you or suggesting there might be more to it, but you've stated that as a fact when you can't possibly know one way or the other.

AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 01:23

'Urgh. Your last post suggests a tiny sex pest in the making'

Aw, don't say that about the little boy, he hasn't got a clue about what he's doing or saying.

Italiangreyhound · 29/05/2016 01:23

Glad to hear that nothing is going on, but how do you know? Usually sexual abuse is hidden, isn't it. I am not saying anything is going on. Just how do you know it is not?

When she talks to you about this I'd just really encourage her to keep an eye on this. The little boys behaviour could end up getting him in trouble with class mates etc. The whole thing about sexuality is it's meant to be for when one is old enough to understand it and of course to understand about consent, respect etc. It's very hard when very young teens get into all this, let alone pre-teens.

IMHO, it also kind of robs them of their childhood, the innocence of fun etc. Young children can have sexual attraction but it's dangerous I think to set a child up as the one who will lose his virginity at 12, if he picks up on this in the future it may become a self fulfilling prophecy. It's horrible, so I really hope it won't.

Original poster
cakedup · 29/05/2016 01:24

Yes Italiangreyhound, I though similar. I remember one time, a close friend of mine's daughter was playing with my DS when they were both 8 years old. The daughter had been getting the school bus with older siblings and there was lots of 'sex' talk on the way to/from school with the older kids. She'd overheard and tried to act it out with DS.

DS also went through a phase, as a toddler, of 'rubbing bellies' with people. I took him to soft play once with a friend, and whilst in the soft play structure, they had both stripped off their trousers and were rubbing bellies! Shock I can't imagine what people were thinking - I'm sure some people thought there was something odd going on with our family but I can assure you it was not a sexual thing at all.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 29/05/2016 01:27

Cross posted with Agent.

Re the sex pest in the making comment, I think one issue with some behaviour is it an be learnt. It is not that children all know something is bad and so do it, they just learn this is how you speak to women, this is how you treat women. So that might be how they treat girls, because this is how the sexes interrelate.

fatmomma99 · 29/05/2016 01:27

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Italiangreyhound · 29/05/2016 01:29

Cakedup my dd and her little friend once came down with their clothes on wrongly from playing upstairs aged 4, we questioned them about what they were paying, fearing doctors and nurses! It was baby and mummy, my dd wanted to put a nappy on her little male friend who was also about 4!

It's not all sexual. It's just that these things need watching more now. The internet sadly has done some crazy things to kids. I know I sound 100 but I do believe it has!

GarlicSteak · 29/05/2016 01:30

whilst in the soft play structure, they had both stripped off their trousers and were rubbing bellies Grin - sorry, I could just picture that and burst out laughing!

Agent, by "in the making" I meant "being created".