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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is patronising and rude?

21 replies

mammato4 · 28/05/2016 22:06

My friend is pregnant and came for lunch with her partner. She told us that she was planning on naming her child the same name as my youngest DD (I have no problem with that) but the more traditional spelling. Which, she then went to call classier and prettier than the other spelling which I think is a bit tacky Hmm. She went on and bloody on about the name and how she loved it so much but only spelled that way. I think if you're going to pick the same name as me at least don't trash it to my face! My youngest daughter's name is a bit more common than my other DC but I love it and so does DH. Oldest DD is used to having lots of compliments on her charming name and how unusual and beautiful it is but my little DD hasn't had any. Just pissed off and needing to work out whether I am being AIBU or not?

OP posts:
hesterton · 28/05/2016 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSpecter · 28/05/2016 22:08

Yeah she's a dick. Why didnt you interupt her and say, "thats how DD's is spelt"? And wait to see if she dug hereelf back out of that hole? I couldnt let her ramble on like that.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 28/05/2016 22:08

Dozy cow, is she usually so thoughtless?

Only1scoop · 28/05/2016 22:10

Is she solid as a rock?

How odd

I do actually think it's weird naming a child the same as a friend to be honest.

ReturnOfTheJewel · 28/05/2016 22:11

Take no notice whatsoever. You, DH and DD presumably love the name "your" way, she prefers it "her" way. If she'd said that to me I wouldn't invite her around again though, she does sound like a tactless fuckwit.

and I might just have to spell her DD's name "my" way on her congratulations card when she's born, but I am a massive bitch

Original poster
mammato4 · 28/05/2016 22:14

Lol return! Might just have to do that Wink. She's normally lovely! Really sweet and caring although I have noticed she appears to favour DD1 a little bit more.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/05/2016 22:15

I thought the same as MrsS and wondered why you felt you couldn't bring it up with her when she's was blathering on about it?

She was being rude, but could she have been saying it so you didn't feel she was nicking the name but went totally OTT and it came out sounding as though she was calling you and your lovely DD common as muck?

RaeSkywalker · 28/05/2016 22:18

YANBU. Does she know how you spell your DD2's name? I think I would've said something if she didn't stop going on about it!

Original poster
mammato4 · 28/05/2016 22:20

DH giving me warning looks through her entire rant may have been the reason... She does know about our DD2's name spelling.

OP posts:
MrsSpecter · 28/05/2016 22:22

Warning looks? Because he expected you to start a row over it? Not necesary. You can say it without being angry or having a go. Just simply say "thats how we spell DD's name" as if you are confused by what she is saying.

Original poster
mammato4 · 28/05/2016 22:26

I know. Shouldn't have listened to him.

OP posts:
MrsSpecter · 28/05/2016 22:29

Well, chances are she'll bring it up again so you can be prepared for next time.

LotsOfShoes · 28/05/2016 22:40

She sounds wonderful... Yabu for having a friend like that

RubbleBubble00 · 28/05/2016 23:59

your better women than me. I would have said 'you do dd2 name is spelt that way'. then I would have pulled her up on tacky comment

ReginaBlitz · 29/05/2016 00:30

I would have said "it's tacky copying my daughters name...now fuck off you cheeky bitch"

BillSykesDog · 29/05/2016 00:38

I suspect she probably felt really awkward about telling you she had picked the same name and got a case of foot in mouth and verbal diarrhoea because she felt like a twat. If she's really nice otherwise I think she's probably just backed herself into an awkward spot and expressed herself badly because she felt she had to justify picking the same name. She would have been better off just saying she'd always loved it.

AgentZigzag · 29/05/2016 00:48

How did your DH come to the conclusion that he gets to tell you what to say/not say?

Especially when you say that she's your friend. I really can't see how he thinks he has an input over whether you decide to challenge her on it.

Why didn't he tell her to STFU when she was implying the name you'd both chosen for your DD is tacky?

NinaSimoneful · 29/05/2016 15:54

With the information that she favours DD1 I wonder if she didn't have this name picked out for a long time, before you had DD2, and is (irrationally) annoyed that your DD 'got there first' so she's putting the name down whilst still using it for her DD.

LifeIsGoodish · 29/05/2016 16:04

If ever a situation called for the MN Response, this is that situation.

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

WorraLiberty · 29/05/2016 16:14

No situation ever calls for a such a lame response as "Did you mean to be so rude?"...

OP, I can't believe you sat and listened to her without picking her up on her rudeness.

Still it's done now. Just be prepared for if she brings it up again.

CombineBananaFister · 29/05/2016 16:18

I think i would have laughed and said 'you do realise MY DDs name IS spelled the way you are slating, you muppe? ' and hopefully cue equally embarassed laughter and a bit of ribbing about her being a snobby bugger.
If she didn't look a bit mortified I would have probably called her out on it because it is rude and insensitive. Sounds like nervous blathering on because she chose the same name and thinks she has to justify it to you

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