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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be crapping it on a major decision.

17 replies

sockrage · 26/05/2016 23:23

Basically dd has had a hell of a year with some serious issues at school. Things got so bad we saw the GP as she was so unhappy and down over it all.As detailed previously on here school have been a bit crap.

She hasn't been in the last few days as genuinely ill but we are at the point of sending in the withdrawal to home ed letter.

She has a potential place in another school in September but it is not state, there are no other schools locally and if something goes wrong we will end up with no school at all until Sept 2017 when they are 14 plus options.

Leaving her where she is for half a term is not a great option as things are pretty bad.

Hellppp me.

OP posts:

Blondie1984 · 26/05/2016 23:35

I would wait until you find out if she definitely has a place in the other school before withdrawing her and, in the meantime, would continue to pressure the the current school to act ....

Do you know when you might find out about whether the place at the other school is confirmed?

Original poster

sockrage · 26/05/2016 23:40

Been trying to get the school to act for over a year with no success. Loads of children have left.

The other thing which might stop her is current school school spitting their dummy out because I have complained.

OP posts:

Original poster

sockrage · 26/05/2016 23:52

*only thing not other
No idea why school is written twice.
Hates this phone so much.

OP posts:

Liiinooo · 26/05/2016 23:53

I cannot believe I am saying this but if you are that concerned withdraw her now.

Throughout my DDs education I was very firmly in the 'life is tough, get on with it' camp just as my parents were with me. I bitterly regret it. Your DDs mental health and happiness are so much more important than GCSEs.

So what if she doesn't get a school place for a year? By the time she is 20 or 25 no-one will bother doing the maths and working out she took her exams a year later than the rest of her cohort and if they did, no-one will care.

If things are as bad as you say, don't let her have one more night of anxiety or fear. Send the letter tomorrow and give her and you a year of peace.

PM me if you want to talk more.

Lovewineandchocs · 27/05/2016 00:19

The school are useless, I totally agree with liiinooo

meowli · 27/05/2016 00:47

I agree with withdrawing your dd now. It's a cliche, but life really is too short...... Why not regard it as a 'gap year', if the place at the other school doesn't come up. I'm pretty sure the relief will be palpable for all of you!

Meeep · 27/05/2016 00:50

Agree with liiinoo too.
Long term one year at school doesn't matter. Mental health matters and can affect the rest of your life.

OneNightTimeMenaceStrikesBack · 27/05/2016 02:03

if things are really so bad at school that your DD is genuinely suffering from it, then withdraw her now. don't let her suffer another day, withdraw her and work from there. some time out could be the very thing she needs to make inroads towards feeling better within herself. don't let her suffer at school, i can't adequately express in words how much it might affect the rest of her life if you don't act now while you have the chance to improve her life. withdraw her and do it now

TemperanceBrennan · 27/05/2016 02:12

I would definitely withdraw her OP, poor girl

KoalaDownUnder · 27/05/2016 02:20

I agree with Liiinooo, and pretty much everyone else.

My parents ignored my mental health issues as a teenager, and it set me up for some pretty bad stuff.

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 27/05/2016 03:33

Another in agreement here. DS's mental health took a nose dive this year. We tried to support him in continuing school, but we could see what a wreck he was becoming.

He is now actually in a mental health day treatment programme and I feel that taking the pressure of school off him is actually allowing him to get more out of the therapeutic programme.

School will be there when your DD is ready.

crankyblob · 27/05/2016 05:37

I also agree to remove her now!

I think the damage this level of stress can do to mental health is widely underestimated by schools.

I would discuss it with DD first and make sure she knows how supported she is and let her make the decision with no pressure but also knowing the potential consequences.

Original poster

sockrage · 27/05/2016 07:42

Thanks all

Cranky dd wants to stay out and never go back.
I worry she will be bored to tears if we end up home for twelve months and I worry the subjects she excels at will suffer.

But getting as far as Camhs because of how she feels because of them cannot continue

OP posts:

Original poster

sockrage · 27/05/2016 07:44

I know I am doing the right thing but it is so blooming scary!

OP posts:

horseygeorgie · 27/05/2016 07:50

I would definitely take her out. I was bullied at school and I really wish someone had done that for me as a matter of urgency. In the end, I just refused to go. My parents are lovely, but believed the school too much when they said they were cracking down on it all. It was hell, no one should have to dread going to school that much every day. It makes you feel physically sick.

AlmaMartyr · 27/05/2016 07:54

If things are that bad, withdraw her. I was in this position a couple of years ago with DS and I deeply regret not pulling him out. I've always felt that if I ever feel that way again (that urge to take them out) then I would.

Greenyogagirl · 27/05/2016 20:17

Definitely pull her out of school. I'm going to be home educating my 6yo. Look on Amazon for study materials for the subjects she loves, pin terest has some great home ed sources. Worst case scenario you apply for a school place midterm (like you would if you were changing schools)

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