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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so worried?

99 replies

KinkyAfro · 23/05/2016 16:53

We had to move out of our rented house at the weekend due to landlord selling up, so we moved into my mums. All good, mum and DP get on great so no issues there. DP is on night shifts starting tonight but said he'd go to the house to clear up any last bits, do a tip run and pack the few remaining bits and bobs up. Sent him a text to remind him to take down the hanging baskets and to put a couple of massive planters in his van - no response. Mum messaged him to say she'd got him some lunch - no response. I've tried calling about 5 times, have left a message and a couple of texts to say that I was a bit worried so could he get in touch. He's never out of touch for long, has no form for being a dick, usually checks in (his choice) a few times a day by text because his work plans often change during the day. He told me he was going back to mums about 3.30 to get showered and then leave for a night shift a fair bit away from where we live. Mum's just messaged to say he hasn't been home and his work clothes are still laid out in the spare room.

WWYD? I'm at work until 5.30 and a good hour's drive away.

OP posts:
YouMakeMyDreams · 23/05/2016 16:57

What time is he due to start work? I'd possibly hang off until then and Co tact work to see if he turned up.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 23/05/2016 16:59

I hope he's just had phone problems. Try not to worry until he's going to be late for work.

Geordiegirl79 · 23/05/2016 16:59

I know how you must be feeling - although logically you know everything is most likely fine, your imagination runs away with you in times like this. What time does his night shift start?

Geordiegirl79 · 23/05/2016 17:00

Woops, was so slow typing that I x-posted with others.

Geordiegirl79 · 23/05/2016 17:03

Just thinking, if he has had phone trouble, maybe he's gone somewhere to get it sorted before places close / shift starts and so hasn't been able to go back to your mum's yet or contact anyone.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/05/2016 17:06

Hand-holding as i can empathise with how you feel. But I'm a worrier and I'm sure everything is fine. I would contact his work now and leave a message for him to call you on arrival. Or is there no chance he'd head there without his work clothes from your mum?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 23/05/2016 17:08

His night shift doesn't start until 7.30 but we're in Manchester (near Trafford Centre), he's got to pick up his work clothes, then drive to Denton to pick up his work mate and then drive to Hull for 7.30 - it's not happening Sad

OP posts:
DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/05/2016 17:08

Is your mum near your old house? Can she pop by to see if those bits have been collected? Does his phone ring when you call it?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 23/05/2016 17:10

I'm a total worrier Dr. I can't really ring his work as he doesn't work there if that makes sense, he goes on call outs and is at different places each night or for a week or so only. No idea what he's working on tonight, just know he's in Hull.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 23/05/2016 17:10

If there's been an accident you'd have heard by now, so it's probably phone and problems and he's lost track of the time.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/05/2016 17:11

What happens when you call his mobile? Is it straight to answerphone?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 23/05/2016 17:11

Mum has been past a few times today as it's just round the corner and she says his van's not there so hasn't bothered stopping. She gave us our key back yesterday too and he has that so she can't go in anyway. His phone rings as normal, then goes to answer phone. Have left him a message and a text saying I was worried and to get in touch.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 23/05/2016 17:13

Oo that's odd. Maybe he's got a (more urgent) call out and is driving there? If no hands free his phone may be in his pocket.

GeezAJammyPeece · 23/05/2016 17:14

Given that he doesn't have form for going off radar, best bets in the hope of keeping you sane are :

  1. It's taking him longer than he originally thought
  2. He's left phone in either the van or the house
  3. Phone battery has died

4. He's mistakenly added phone to one of the bags he took to the tip

In reality, its probably a combination of more than one.

I agree with the pp who suggested waiting until nearer the time he is due to start his shift then contacting his workplace/ a colleague, if that is possible.

Or swing by old place on way home to see what's what? I know its out of your way, but if you discover he's still there, it'll possibly save you hours more worry.

In reality, I expect you are actually worried that something has happened to him (accident or similar), so if he hasn't checked in at work by the time he's due to start; and you have no reason to think he is up to anything he shouldn't, you could try calling local police to see if he/van has turned up. At this stage, no news is good news - assuming he has id and van is registered to you/him (or rented by you guys) , someone would have been in touch if he had been in a serious accident etc.

Hoping he turns up soon!

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 23/05/2016 17:14

Yeah, I'd probably worrying too, but I'm sure everything will be fine.

I was going to ask where you are - and to check out the traffic reports. We've had massive problems down south today with the M25. It took me an hour to get home from the morning schoolrun, because the traffic jam had gridlocked all the roads here. God knows how long people were actually stuck on the motorway for.

GeezAJammyPeece · 23/05/2016 17:17

Oh crap!
I took so long typing that I missed loads of updates!

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/05/2016 17:19

That would be my next step. In about an hour or two I would phone local police station with his license plate and name etc and just double check they don't know of anything. Sure you'll hear by then though.

GeezAJammyPeece · 23/05/2016 17:21

If phone is ringing first before going to voicemail it has battery & is in an area with reception - left it in house/ lost it and is now driving round retracing path to find it?

Lovewineandchocs · 23/05/2016 17:24

I don't suppose it's an iPhone with FindIphone enabled?

GeezAJammyPeece · 23/05/2016 17:27

Do you know who the guy he is picking up is? Even just a name you could crosscheck with DPs Facebook friends list and send a message asking him to pass on that he need him to get in touch.

Although he isn't based at his work, would they have a way of getting in touch with him on site? other than the phone he isn't answering or the other guy's number? They might not give it to you, but may message/call on your behalf

BoatyMcBoat · 23/05/2016 17:40

He's not at your old place because his van's not there.
He's not turned up at your mum's place for his work clothes.
He's not answering calls or texts.

Does he have work clothes anywhere else, like in a case in his van?

Where else might he go?

Does he have form for going off the radar?

Do you have his work mate's number?

FedUpOfPregnancy · 23/05/2016 17:43

Do you know his iCloud login details (for downloading apps on AppStore) if his phone is an iPhone? You can login in to 'find iPhone' and see where it is?

NerrSnerr · 23/05/2016 17:45

Does he have form for being uncontactable? Could you call his work to see if he's been in touch?

bessie84 · 23/05/2016 17:48

hope he turns up OP, you must be so worried. sending hugs x

MissDuke · 23/05/2016 17:49

Any update op?