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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to have a tiny self indulgent cry?

47 replies

teacher54321 · 21/05/2016 06:41

Ds (4) is an early riser. Always has been. Woke at 5.15am today and DH is working nights so isn't here now and then has to sleep all day so I can't even have a lazy day at home because he'll disturb DH. I work full time and have a long commute. I am permanently just fucking knackered. Trying to lose weight, but lose motivation when I am so physically exhausted. I go to bed early, DS has black out blinds, and have tried altering his bedtime. Of course ironically he often has to be woken at 6.30am on weekdays when we go to school.
4 years of this. It is honestly putting me off having another child as I find it so hard.
All I want to do today is go to sleep. Not spend the whole day wrestling and negotiating with an overtired preschooler.

OP posts:
NickNacks · 21/05/2016 06:51

Honestly I'd put a tv in his room just for weekend mornings and teach him how to play a dvd. Leave a drink in his room too.

AugustaFinkNottle · 21/05/2016 06:51

If you go to bed early, you shouldn't really be so tired just as a result of being woken up early. Have you looked into whether there's a medical reason for feeling so exhausted?

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 21/05/2016 06:53

Not unreasonable at all. I have no advice, just sympathy Flowers Brew (that is coffee, strong strong coffee)

Dancingbea · 21/05/2016 06:56

I had(still have one) of those. Was permanently knackered even going to bed early. But by about 5 he could go down and turn the tv on by himself and warch until it was a more humanly hour. I now have 2 more, still tired, and going to work on monday morning feels like a break! But I used to weep with fatigue. Have a little self indulgent cry but hang in there.

Needmorewine · 21/05/2016 07:00

It's so hard OP we have similar with DD. I would second pp's idea of TV in room. If you can later as well I would say very firmly "mummy is going to lie down for x minutes..you can play with xyz/watch a DVD". Then set some sort of buzzer / timer so he knows when it's over? Promise a treat if he is quiet ? Even 30 minutes lying down with your eyes shut I find really helps. I'm sorry if this is something you've already tried. It's soul destroying and lack of sleep is a reason we are thinking of sticking at having one child too. Flowers

RaskolnikovsGarret · 21/05/2016 07:04

It gets better, and you get used to it too. Now my 'dreadful sleeping as babies/children' are teens, they have lie ins but I find it hard to sleep beyond 4.30/5. I worked FT like you, and found the solution was to go to bed early like you. It was tough though.

Can your son entertain himself during the day so that you can at least relax with a book? Maybe it was because there were two of them from quite early on, that I didn't have the hard days you describe, but it should be possible for you to switch off a bit if he is 4?

Good luck Flowers

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 07:04

I had years of this too.

It's exhausting

I think if I had my time again, I might try waking to sleep* (google it) because it's the only thing I didn't try

WhizzPopper · 21/05/2016 07:04

My dd is 3 and like this. She still wakes at least once or twice in the night and then is normally awake for the day recently at 5ish. We cope by taking it in turns to climb into bed with her as she normally settles for another hour. The person in with her normally doesn't sleep as she's wriggly and hot but at least they're laying down and the other one sleeps. Not helpful if your dh works nights though I know.

We also survive by taking a Monday off every now and again together whilst she's at nursery for the day just so we can relax!

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 21/05/2016 07:09

I know it's not an immediate solution but school might help tire him out a bit.
But he is old enough to be taught to self entertain. For our DS he was allowed to play Lego in his room or listen to an audio cd. It was a lifesaver.
Now he is older he reads mostly.

HappySeven · 21/05/2016 07:29

My DD was like this but at 3 I couldn't take it anymore and on the advice of a friend got an gro-clock. It was a tough week while I sat with her waiting for 'the sun to come up' but on day 5 she stayed in bed of her own accord.

We have to be firm and still sometimes get visits asking how long until the sun comes up? but she does understand that she stays in her room until it does. I wished I'd done it sooner.

Worth a try?

HeffalumpHistory · 21/05/2016 07:29

My ds (4) is the same! Has up late last night (8.15 but usually in bed between 7/7.30) and still up at 5.15 this morning. We too tried altering bedtime but he still gets up early & is more tired/grumpy. Today is not going to be fun as he's already told me he's tired Sad

We do have non noisy toys in his room & have been known to stick s cartoon on the iPad on a desperate occasion just to buy us more time.
He also collects a drink & banana which I leave in my room to keep him going without disturbing us too much as I've been up half the night with nocturnal baby dd

I feel you pain BrewFlowers

Mari50 · 21/05/2016 07:35

My DD was/is an early riser, 5am was fairly standard until she started school. The record being 4.30am (my argument that it was still the middle of the night fell on deaf ears). Latterly I'd cut her a load of fruit and sit her in front of the tv, lazy parenting I know but it was that or spend the day exhausted. It was fairly depressing knowing that by 7am she'd had 2 hours tv but hey ho. Once she started school she definitely started sleeping longer and now wakes at 6.30-7am weekdays, always up with the larks at the weekend though at 6-6.30-so annoying. YANBU to have a self indulgent cry and you are definitely not alone!!

christinarossetti · 21/05/2016 07:39

I don't agree that your dh gets to sleep undisturbed all day while you pace the streets exhausted with an over tired child having worked full time this week and been up since 5am.

When he gets in, you both need to make a plan for the day based on the fact you both work full time, you're both exhausted and you both need a sleep/rest today.

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2016 07:57

Thanks for replies everyone, it does make me pathetically feel better knowing it's not just me!
DH needs to sleep in the day-his job is safety critical and he has huge responsibility-and he only slept for 2 hours yesterday during the day as our neighbours are having building work done. He has to do a week of nights every 2 months and it's always hideous.

I think anyone would be exhausted if they were working 8am-5pm 3 days per week and 8am-10pm 2 days per week. I'm up at 6 every week day and have an hour commute each way. If I go to bed 'early' I mean 9.30-10pm. So Ds woke me at 5.15, I've had about 7 hours sleep.

I'd be happy with 6.30/7am. It's the 5am starts which feel brutal at the weekend when there's no reason to be up so early. Makes me sad that I'm so tired and grumpy on our only two days off a week Sad

OP posts:
KamMum · 21/05/2016 08:15

I feel your pain!! I crave lay ins - I call it a lay in but just not to be woken at silly hours! I work full time too and on weekends my son attempts to wake up at 6 - I put on Peppa Pig from you tube on my phone and let him watch that while I get another half hour/45 mind sleep. When he's had enough of that he wants to go into the front room - I brig my duvet and doze on the sofa while he watches more Peppa on the TV and has some fruit for a interim breakfast! It takes me a couple hours to feel normal again. My house is childproof and luckily my son doesn't stray from where I am!

brummiesue · 21/05/2016 08:18

If its only one week every 2 months cant you alternate with your husband every free weekend so you can both get a lie in?

Needmorewine · 21/05/2016 08:24

Can you try a bit of "quiet time" in his room in the afternoon OP. Bribe him with a treat / TV. Then lay on the sofa / bed and shut your eyes even if you don't sleep I find it really helps with getting through the afternoon slump and will enable you to enjoy your evening a bit more.

GeoffreysGoat · 21/05/2016 08:25

I had/have one of these. I've had massive success with an old clock radio of all things. Masking tape over minutes, and told ds1 that if it says 6 it's morning. If he doesn't get up till 7 he gets a kinder egg lol

Took a week or two, and you have to be firm about 5 being night time - even at 5:59, it's still 5! - but he now wakes between 6:15 and 6:45 and even got the egg once!

OneEpisode · 21/05/2016 08:25

Hope today is ok for you. I would still try and avoid the TV in bedroom if possible. You don't want to give any encouragement to early waking?
Today can you nap on the sofa, in a tent in the garden, friends spare room? Tomorrow, can you cuddle up with the dc in his bedroom?

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2016 08:26

Dh works other weekends over the 2 months. This is not a DH whinge as he definitely pulls his weight when he's here, but on the weekends when he's working it's a hard slog with the early starts. We've had a few weekends in a row when it's been particularly bad, and I am just in need of a catch up. Ds woke at 5am yesterday as well and I worked 8am-7pm. I had just hoped he would have grown out of this by now-you expect it when they're 2, not 4!

OP posts:
Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2016 08:27

I like the kinder egg bribery idea. Ds would like that! He's very hot on telling the time. We've bought a stupidly expensive sheep clock and a groclock and neither of them have worked...

OP posts:
Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2016 08:28

Maybe a five pound digital alarm clock from Argos would do the trick

OP posts:
NaffOffMartha · 21/05/2016 08:29

Gro-clock was absolutely the way to go for us. Our son is an early riser but he knows now that he plays or reads in his room until the sun comes up. Please do try it OP - you can buy them on Amazon and probably can find a second-hand one on Gumtree or a local selling group. It could change your life.

VioletBam · 21/05/2016 08:30

What time are you going to bed OP?

NaffOffMartha · 21/05/2016 08:30

Cross-posted! Why has the Gro-clock not worked? You must insist that he doesn't wake you up until the sun is up. (Sorry for sounding simplistic, typing on phone with cat climbing on me!)