To want one day all about me?

[PurveyorOfMeats]

First post, please be kind

I'm having a, ahem, significant birthday next week. Friends of mine who've passed this milestone have been whisked off for romantic weekends without kids, had fancy parties, and generally had really nice stuff done for them to make their day really special. I'd like to think I make an effort for birthdays in my family - I've arranged surprise get-togethers with family, hard to get presents etc.

Now I could be seriously underestimating my DH but his plan for my "special" day is dinner out with the kids. Like every year. He might have a massive surprise up his sleeve but I honestly doubt it.

I have a lovely family and am not in the slightest bit hard done by. It's definitely not financial outlay I'm after, just that feeling that someone's spent some time and effort to make me feel special for one day. The day after I'll happily go back to being the household dogsbody.

Probably need a slap for even asking, but AIBU?

I don't think YABU, not really. But I think to 100% guarantee you'd be doing something you wanted to do, you should have organised it, I know you shouldn't have to, but that's really the only way.

Just wait and see, you ding know what's going to happen

Happy significant birthday

Don't, not ding...

Well, it's pretty obvious you don't think you're being unreasonable! And obviously it's completely normal to want to celebrate your birthday. However, if you think your DH is going to organise a celebration that is not what you want (and you are probably right, since you know him well, and he's done the same thing for years) than you would be unreasonable not to put him right in advance. Just tell him what you want. It's really that simple. And yes yes I get that it would be nice not to have to. But in the context of a good relationship, not anticipating what your partner wants to do for their birthday is not the greatest crime. So don't get hung up on that. Just tell him what it is you'd like.

If you want something like that then tell your dh what exactly you want, with suggestions of venues/hotels and that you expect him to book and organise babysitter

Ask for what you want dont just expect it. It would be lovely if our partners took some initiative and surprised us but its not very common amongst men. Id say that if you want a big do or you want a night away with him etc you need to decide what you want and tell him. Then you stand much greater chance of getting it!! x

Tell him you wanted a big surprise.

Otherwise you'll regret it.

Thanks. Definitely willing to be told IBU, but curious to see whether plenty of people have these types of considerate and planning-minded DHs or just a handful of my friends .

I'd rather not have to spell it out in big plastic magnetic fridge letters that I want special treatment, that's all. A picnic at the park with the kids would be special if I didn't have to arrange it.

You have no idea whether your friends dropped hints (or spelled things out) about their birthday. I think that if you're saying that you want these things to happen without you saying anything, then you are being unreasonable. Yes, you're right, there are some people in the world whose partners make a huge effort every year for their birthday, and get it right every time. But there are lots of others who don't. I've always organised my own birthday celebrations. If, as you say, your DH is generally a good partner and if you are pretty sure that he is going to do the same thing he does every year for your birthday, don't set him up to fail. Just tell him you'd like him to organise a picnic in the park for your birthday! I get that it'd be nicer to have him do it without asking, but realistically if you know your choice is (1) not saying anything and having the same old celebration as every year or (2) telling DH in no uncertain terms that you want a bit of an extra effort this year, it seems like a no-brainer to go for (2) when you're clearly already feeling resentful about (1) in advance.

Definitely make it clear to him that it is really important for you this year and you'd like to do something different, even if you want to hint for him to surprise you rather than tell him exactly what you want to do. He might not see that on his own.