Please tell me I'm being unreasonable

[toolonglurking]

We have a 5 week old DS, last night we were invited to a local bbq with neighbours but DS had other ideas and wouldn't stop grumbling, so I came home while DH stayed. I said to him to have a nice time but dont forget to let the dog out at the usual time.
He final came home at about 1am, had taken the dog to the bbq where another dog went for her, and he's so hungover now that he won't help with DS.

I told him to have fun, tried to be all cool and not ask him to come home with me etc. (even though he's been away for the last 9 days) So this morning I'm really annoyed with him, which I know is unreasonable. I think I'm just being a grumpy over tired cow. Please tell me I'm unreasonable, to cheer up and stop blaming him for me being so tired.

Yanbu - you have a 5 week old and your dp needs to sort his act out and support you... I prescribe taking baby out for a nice walk and then reading the papers in a coffee shop ... Tell do you want dinner on the table when you return

Why has he been away for 9 days and will he now take over, being a Parent, to let you rest, now he's around, once he recovers from last night?

It's 8am and he had a night out. Give him a chance to wake up.

If I was on a night out and dh was moaning that I was still needing a little time at 8am I'd not be too impressed. A 5 week old doesn't require two parents at all times.

Once he is up and freshened up, get yourself off for a snooze and leave the baby with him for a few hours.

It's not unreasonable! Men just don't think like we do and he probably thinks he had earnt a night out for working so hard. If you can't face an argument be super cheery today, make lots of noise, go out somewhere he hates and generally do anything that doesn't help s hangover. Then book yourself a girly night out asap - you'll be surprised how much better you'll feel even if you are knackered!

If I'd been on a night out whilst my partner had been doing all the night feeds I'd probably try and suck up my hangover and help out as soon as possible.

Yes because pissing him off further will make him realise the error of his ways

you told him to stay out and have fun. he did. now youre angry

yabu

He has no right to be pissed off! He chose to get drunk!

Well why did you wave him off with a big smile if you were going to expect him to be up early? He should take over once he is up but at least wait for him to wake up first.

YANBU. We have a 4mo DS. DH knows that he has daddy duties EVERYDAY regardless of how hungover he is. He has to take that in to consideration when deciding whether to have that extra drink or 5!

A 5 week old doesn't require two parents at all times.

Good job as her DH has been away for 9 days.

Don't these people want to spend time with their families? Especially a newborn? He's been away for a quarter of his son's life!

"I tried to be cool"
That's where you went wrong.

I wasn't out last night and I'm barely awake...

The trying to be cool bit is worrisome though. You shouldn't try to be anything. If you wanted him home you should have said, and equally if you really didn't mind him staying out, say that. If you try to be a cool wife and lie about how you feel, you cause heartache - nobody knows how anybody really feels. Then it leaves you like this, where you're annoyed that he did something that you gave him permission to do.

If it was 2pm & this was the case of see your point but give him s chance. Even when my DP hasn't been out he'd rarely be up at 8am on a Sunday. Very hands on when he's home (also works away. A lot) in lots of ways but not much in mornings unless I've specifically asked.
You'll be tired & hormonal too. That's how you should feel with a 5 week old.
Give your DP a kick at 10, then I would expect him to be pulling himself together & giving you a break.

You're just tired and a bit irrational. Once he's up and about you can go back to bed. While you're waiting express some milk, so you can have a good break.
I too have a 5.5week old plus a 2year old. My dh went away for 3days and it was hard.
Time for coffee and cake in a cafe while baby sleeps?

Don't these people want to spend time with their families? Especially a newborn? He's been away for a quarter of his son's life!

That's unfair Nanny! I don't know why the op's dh was away but my DP had to leave when dc2 was 2 days old. He was away for 2weeks (bar about 8hours at home about 5 days in-some of which was the middle of night so only a couple of hours actually with us)
DP is self employed & has to take the work when it's there. Of course he'd rather have been with his family & spending that first couple of weeks with his new born but we also needed the money & can't turn down the work when it's there.

If op's DP was away with work, I'm sure after paternity leave (2weeks?) his work would expect normal service which may well include trips away to resume

Thank you for all your replies. DH is up and being helpful and I feel silly but grateful I brought my huff to mumsnet rather than having a go at him. I think what it really boils down to is that my life has changed so much, but he can still dip back into being care free and I'm a little jealous.

And DH does love being with DS, he had to go away with work having taken 6 weeks off when DS was born (2.5 weeks before, 3.5 after)

Totally understandable that you'd be a bit pissed off.

The thing to bear in mind is that your DH isn't a mind reader. So if you're not 'cool' with something then don't pretend you are.

Make sure you hand over the baby at some point today for a couple of hours and take that time to go have a nap, go out for a coffee or have a long bath or something for just you.

Well why did you wave him off with a big smile if you were going to expect him to be up early?

Having a nice time doesn't inevitably mean getting pissed and staying out till 1 a.m., and with a 5 week old baby 8 a.m. isn't early.