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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

airport pick up

22 replies

PissedOff1 · 14/05/2016 15:46

NC for this.

AIBU to be annoyed? I have been working away in very tough conditions for six weeks in a mother country and have not seen my fiancé in this time. I'm home today and flew into an airport about an hour from our home. For the past week I have said please can you meet me at the airport and he said yes, it's been a very long journey I'm shattered and don't want to get public transport and I was so excited to see him.

Today I reminded him sent arrival time and airport but didn't say terminal. He asked just as plane was about to fly so could only send one message telling him to check online.

I've now landed and he's called in a grumpy way telling me to get a cab because he's stuck in traffic as it took him ages to find the flight details and I'll be home before he is. No apology. Probably annoyed about the terminal thing but he should have checked sooner! For background I have done the same pick up and drop off for him recently.

I'm so disappointed in him. I feel like he hadn't made the effort. Or should I accept he got stuck in traffic and not let it spoil our reunion? Feel like crying because I've missed him so much and now I'm furious and feel let down.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2016 15:58

I would be really disappointed and annoyed. However, I would also have emailed the flight confirmations because then everyone has them. Is he normally a miserable bugger?

Original poster
PissedOff1 · 14/05/2016 16:02

No he's normally good but I just feel in these exceptional circumstances he could have done something for himself and looked the flight details up and not just fail in the one thing he knew was important to me. As soon as I knew what had happened I looked up details myself it took me about ninety seconds to find.

OP posts:
namechangeparents · 14/05/2016 17:38

YANBU - he should have looked himself. Give him a lesson on internet use when you have been home for a few days - all he had to do was go to the airport website, or the airline website, and put the flight number in or just search on the arrivals page - as you say, about 90 seconds tops.

YellowDinosaur · 14/05/2016 17:46

Sorry, you're annoyed with him because you didn't give him the information he needed to collect you? And sent him a text telling him to check online rather than just tell him the terminal which would have taken the same amount of time? ConfusedHmm

Yanbu to be disappointed he wasn't there to meet you but given that he was doing you a favour in picking you up yabu to make it so bloody difficult

araiba · 14/05/2016 18:10

why didnt you say which terminal??

leelu66 · 14/05/2016 18:34

I would refuse him a lift next time out of pique principle.

He is throwing a strop about having to pick you up. Is he selfish in other ways?

He could have called the airport to get terminal info.

The OP wouldn't necesarily know what terminal you're flying into (she may, but I wouldn't always know).

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2016 18:40

Serious question - does he normally expect you to do his thinking for him? Or to remember things for him? Basically, to be his PA/secretary/nanny/mother? He's had six weeks to acquaint himself with the details he needed.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/05/2016 18:45

How ridiculous. Is it normal for him to be so inept, or is this out of character?

Smidge001 · 14/05/2016 18:51

OP when my other half gets grumpy in a situation like this, I usually find it's because he's cross at himself for not getting something right. Given you've been away for six weeks I suspect he was looking forward to seeing you just as much and is cross/embarrassed about letting you down.

I know you're upset as I suspect you've built up this perfect homecoming in your head and it hasn't lived up to expectations. I suspect in hindsight you may also be a bit annoyed that you didn't sort out and send him all the information he needed so he had a better chance of living up to these expectations.

So I would advise you to give him the benefit of the doubt, put on a happy smiley face and tell him that seeing him again is actually the most important thing. It might make him so relieved he cheers up too and you can have a great evening together.

Expectations are hard to live up to. Be the bigger person this time and try not to bear a grudge. You'll be happier for it.

And who knows, maybe he was late because he was trying to tidy up/organise dinner/make some sort of effort for your homecoming. sorry, I might be getting your hopes up again there!

Original poster
PissedOff1 · 14/05/2016 19:10

Smidge Thank you you've summed it up perfectly. Expectations were high and that's why it's so disappointing.

For those asking about the terminal I didn't know I just had a booking email from my work with a flight reference it didn't say which terminal and he knew the airport and the flight leaving and landing times.

OP posts:
Original poster
PissedOff1 · 14/05/2016 19:12

Also yes I would say there is an element of me managing his diary/ reminding him of things/ being a PA. Not all the time but he lacks initiative.

OP posts:
MabelFurball · 14/05/2016 19:35

I was picking my partner up from Heathrow today. Spent nearly 2 hours in a traffic jam going up there. It would have been easier for him to get the train back. Last week I dropped him off at Departures and then got stuck in traffic for two and a half hours sitting in 27 deg heat. So I can understand him being fed up.

Telling him what Terminal is quite a major point, especially if it determines what junction he is coming off the motorway.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2016 20:31

"Also yes I would say there is an element of me managing his diary/ reminding him of things/ being a PA. Not all the time but he lacks initiative."
Then I would say that that is where I would concentrate my efforts, rather than this one incident. Otherwise, you'll find he increasingly abdicates responsibility and you WILL end up being his mother, and mother to a stroppy teenager at that. One reminder at most, then he's on his own. And stand firm that you expect him to be responsible for himself.

claraschu · 14/05/2016 20:38

I pick up my husband from Heathrow all the time, and I always check on the flight to make sure it isn't delayed.

Just put the flight number into the search engine: for example, google AA flight 104, and all the latest stats on the flight come up- terminal and updated arrival time. It takes 3 seconds.

If OP had given her husband the terminal info, he still should have checked the arrival time, or risked hanging around at Heathrow for ages (and paying for parking at Heathrow is one of the least fun ways I know of to waste an astonishing amount of money).

Tartyflette · 14/05/2016 20:47

When I pick someone up fron the airport I always check the arrival time online anyway, in case of delays, and if you do that it usually gives you the terminal too! In fact I don't know why anyone would not check the arrival time, saves you sitting kicking your heels at the airport if there is a delay. After all, they are not exactly uncommon.

Tartyflette · 14/05/2016 20:48

And another crosspost.

Original poster
PissedOff1 · 14/05/2016 20:59

Aye Grin Glad it's not just me!

When I saw him I was pretty upset and annoyed. He did apologise and admits he should have been more organised so that's fine I suppose.

The thing is, the one thing I hate in people is unreliability and this rally struck a chord with me because without exaggerating we had spoken about this numerous times this week and I had texted him earlier making sure it was still happening and saying how I couldn't wait to see him. Then I take off thinking everything's fine and land and it's all changed. I really hate having that knot in my stomach when we make an arrangement thinking: "Is this going to happen?" Even when always assured "I'll be there!" And then "traffic was bad". I can overlook occasional things but this has been the longest we'd spent away from each other and it was just a bit shit really and has really affected me as I know if he had tried harder he could have been there. Or at least said "I'm sorry, I'm in traffic, have a coffee I'll be there soon". Not: "Get a cab".

OP posts:
FankEweVeryMuch · 14/05/2016 21:05

YANBU, it is so easy to check flight arrival times and terminal on Google so there's just no excuse.

I do tend to get worked up in traffic sometimes and catastrophise so I can see where his blanket 'get a cab' came from but I'd be annoyed in your shoes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2016 21:28

Well then it's really important to not just talk to him about being annoyed, but talk to him about your core values.

A good way is...when...I feel...because...please. So when you weren't at Arrivals, I felt anxious and sad, because relying on you is important to me, please either say you won't be there, or be there.

AyeAmarok · 14/05/2016 21:32

MrsTP is very good at the airport pickup advice Smile

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2016 21:49
Grin
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