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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Be Absolutely Livid that she read my personal diary

22 replies

Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 10:59

I had a neighbour visiting me last evening for a little bit. I was so knackered I had left my journal on the corner of the sofa where I couldn't see it so forgot to remove before she came. Now I have found that the loose pages i was writing my thoughts (personal and professional both ... I know I know) have scribbling on the sides of the pages and it is very obvious either she or her DC took them out of the diary, read/did not read them but did scribble on them. And it was ALL of me on their basically. I feel like digging a hole and hide there and die. I know her and I strongly believe she has read it all. I am absolutely LIVID AND FUNING. AIBU to be this angry? I really don't care what she thinks of me but it's my personal things and I haven't ever shared them with anyone other than very very close people like DH and a very close friend. OMG Angry

OP posts:
NoCakeLeft · 11/05/2016 11:01

YANBU
I don't know what can you do though? Stop inviting her over perhaps?

weeblueberry · 11/05/2016 11:01

Are you sure her DC didn't take them out and draw on them and when she realised she quickly put them back in the diary after realising what they were?

Onlyicanclean10 · 11/05/2016 11:05

I can't imagine she would be interested in your diary or even know what it was.

I expect her dc scribbled on it and after realising this age shoved them back into the book.

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:07

i am sure it's not my DC because they were the reason I had to go out of the living room in a hurry. I also know she is the type who falls for every juicy gossip and all things "interesting" about other people's personal lives. I feel like never letting her inside my home again. Can't even tell DH as he will be very angry too on her and more on me too. Urrrghhhhhh why are some people soooo god damn indecent??? If I were in her shoes I would put all papers on top of book shelf or somewhere out of reach of children without looking them EVER.

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TheDropBear · 11/05/2016 11:07

Does she have form for doing stuff like this? Just the scribbles seems more like her child has done it.

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:09

She has form for being very very nosey and I have realised we can't be friends for this reason. I just can't see her not helping herself to someone's personal diary if she can get her hands on it.

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Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:09

So do I cut her off now or be extra polite and friendly so she doesn't gossip behind my back ?

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EarthboundMisfit · 11/05/2016 11:21

You don't know, though, do you? She wouldn't scribble so that at least was her DC.

2016Hopeful · 11/05/2016 11:22

Can't imagine a grown woman would scribble on your diary pages! Surely, if you were reading someones diary you would be as discrete as possible?

Onlyicanclean10 · 11/05/2016 11:25

Sorry why would an adult woman scribble? Doesn't really make any sense. Was she correcting your spelling!

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:26

No I am sure it was her DC who must have taken the pages from the diary first and that when she must have noticed because it was behind the cushion. But once it was out, I think she is the kind of person who would read it right away. I am in damage control mode and feel violated somewhat. I am very private and she is not even a friend. [embarassed]

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GloriousGoosebumps · 11/05/2016 11:26

How long was she alone with your journal? It's difficult to see how she could have read very much if you only left her alone long enough to make her a drink.

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:29

It was about 10 minutes as I had to go change DC out of his nappy and get something to eat. Enough to read those pages I think. And she did have a smug face when I came in. Now I think of it and feel so anguished. .

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Kidnapped · 11/05/2016 11:31

Must have been her DC surely if there are scribbles on them. Which is bad enough. She should have been supervising them in someone else's home.

If she is a nosey type as you've said then it is likely that she was reading it and the bored kids were scribbling on it as she read. She can't have read much if you weren't away long.

She'll deny it of course if you talk to her. Just completely cool the relationship without telling her why and never invite her in again.

Think of it this way - she has demonstrated exactly what she is like. If you had continued the relationship and confided in her then she would have spread it all over town. This way you've cut her off before she can do any real damage. You have averted a crisis. Well done you.

BillBrysonsBeard · 11/05/2016 11:34

Hoping she hasn't read it OP but wouldn't be surprised if she has... I've read threads about parents/inlaws opening mail and reading dairies. You can't be certain so I would just keep things neighbourly and polite but nothing more.

dowhatnow · 11/05/2016 11:37

oops how mortifying. Just be civil and polite but back off.

gleam · 11/05/2016 11:38

Well if gossip does get about, could you pass it off as a 'creative writing journal' that you're doing for an online course?

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 11:43

I am sure she has read it. I like you all so much. I always get great advice here. Now I will gradually cool the relationship with her and keep it very superficial. Certainly will find excuses not to invite much. I am sure she will spread it around gleefully on every chance I think. I just hope she has more decency than I think she has. Urrghhh

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MargaretCavendish · 11/05/2016 11:46

I think YA totally NBU unreasonable to be upset this happened, but that you YAB a bit U to be so angry and so certain that she did this deliberately. The scribbles seem to indicate pretty clearly that her kids did this, and the suggestion that she began reading it of her own accord and then they scribbled on it seems an odd one: surely you would notice if your child wrote on something you were reading, but wouldn't notice if it was something you yourself hadn't yet seen was there? I think the DCs found it and scribbled on it without her involvement, and then shoved the pages back in. Did she read them in this process? Maybe, maybe not - but it's actually quite hard to stop your eye reading at least the odd sentence in this situation. For instance, I once came across a letter with details of a colleague's promotion on it; I stopped reading it as soon as I realised what it was, but I'd already clocked the salary figure... I think that she's probably as mortified as you about the whole thing.

Kidnapped · 11/05/2016 11:51

"Certainly will find excuses not to invite much".

Don't invite at all. Be polite but no invitations to your home. She has demonstrated an utter lack of respect for you - she doesn't get to come in again.

blindsider · 11/05/2016 12:00

Why don't you just ask her?

Original poster
Valentine2 · 11/05/2016 12:22

*margaret
I said somewhere up here but may be it was not clear. I think she didn't scribble. I think her DC took it out and scribbled on it and that's when she must have noticed it. I know it is hard to not read an odd sentence here and there. But I feel what has form for this. So I am very embarrassed and there is literally no way I could think of asking her if she has read it or not blindsider. She will deny it outright I think. It will mean I accept it as being very important to me. I think I should just cut back on contact now very slowly.

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