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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to live next door to ex

16 replies

Housecrisis · 10/05/2016 01:03

Back story: dated F back in the late 90's. Broke up after 6 months, my decision. Nearly 20 years later move to SW England with DP. Imagine my utter horror surprise to bump into F a few weeks ago. He has moved into house next door!!! I should add with his DW and 2 DC.
Aibu to HATE walking past his house???

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/05/2016 01:12

OMG. What a shock, and not to mention a
maasssiiiivvvvveeeeee coincidence.
Does he recognise you.
Do you still have feelings for him? If so YDNBU. You don't want their happy marriage rubbed in your face.
. Have you ever thought though that fate might have brought you both to the same place for a reason.
Hopefully your thread will invite lots of coincidence small world stores

PerspicaciaTick · 10/05/2016 01:14

Surely you'll get over the initial surprise quickly. After all it was a really short relationship over a quarter of a century ago, so I'm assuming that you have moved on and don't have any feelings for him (or any reason to think he has feelings for you).

It's not like you need to speak to him more than an occasional "Morning" as you put the bins out.

So YABabitU.

Fpmd1710 · 10/05/2016 01:41

Whilst it's not something I'd consider a big problem if it was such a short relationship a rather long time ago, I would find it extremely awkward and cringe every time I spotted him, so I don't think you're bring entirely unreasonable in how you're feeling about the situation

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 10/05/2016 11:18

Why did you break up? If it was horrific then YANBU, if it was amicable then, although a little weird, YABalittleU.

AdjustableWench · 10/05/2016 13:05

I'm not sure I'd recognise someone I went out with for six months twenty years ago!

But yeah, an occasional "Good morning" when you see him is all that you need to do.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 10/05/2016 13:14

A short relationship decades ago....I think you need to get over it.

Chlobee87 · 10/05/2016 13:19

Penguin who said she's not "over it"?

I would find this wierd OP, once someone's in your past that's where you want them to stay and it's always a bit cringey when someone pops up. Usually though it's because you bump into them in a pub or something, not because you find yourself living next door. I think you'll probably get used to it fairly quickly though and then it won't seem so strange.

Andrewofgg · 10/05/2016 13:19

Are you prepared to up sticks over this?

I assume not in which case you are going to have to live with it, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, so just walk past the house and be polite if you see him.

Have you and DP got children of similar ages to his? If so and they mate up you will have to live with that too!

whois · 10/05/2016 13:19

Yeah, short relationship a LONG time ago - total coincidence surely?

You don't need to become friends, just neighborly "hi there" when you see him.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 10/05/2016 13:20

Penguin who said she's not "over it"?

She said she hates to even walk past his house and is horrified that he is there. Seems very obvious there is something she needs to get over. Herself, maybe?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/05/2016 13:21

All very well she should be "over it". Plenty of things should happen/not happen that do or don't. For all we know this man could have been ops first love.

x2boys · 10/05/2016 13:31

I had a relationship about 15 yrs ago about six months too ,I regularly see him as I, m a bus user and he's a bus driver we just pretend we don't know each other if we lived next door to each other o guess we would just have to grin and bare it I, m not hugely friendly with any of my neighbours other than hello ,good morning take their mail in if no one's at home etc but that's it

Original poster

Housecrisis · 10/05/2016 13:34

I ended it because he started getting possessive and jealous and started giving me the creeps. For weeks after we broke up he'd come round every so often and stand outside our house until my DM (I was still a teenager and living at home) went out one time and had a quiet word with him. He got really angry and it upset me a lot.

Yes it was years ago and we were both just kids back then with lots to learn. And tbh I had forgotten about it until I saw him and was like

OP posts:

Original poster

Housecrisis · 10/05/2016 13:35

OP posts:

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 10/05/2016 13:47

Oh house I do hope it was just a teenager phase then!!! totally understand your about him living next door.

I would suggest ignore and perhaps a polite smile and nod when you see him. TBH he may feel equally as awkward as you.

Original poster

Housecrisis · 10/05/2016 17:06

wannabehippy
I hope so too. He did ring the doorbell a few days later to say hello but I didn't invite him in and chatted politely on the doorstep for a few moments then said, truthfully, that I was running late for work. He seemed a bit disappointed but now that I'm thinking about it, he probably just wanted to clear the air and feeling a bit embarrassed and awkward as the last time we saw each other he was swearing at my mum because she asked him to leave as he was upsetting me.

I probably am stressing needlessly (as some pp have said) and hopefully once the dust has settled a bit things will be fine.

It's just that I love our house and gardening is a big hobby so it does bug me that come summer, we'll probably be seeing a lot of each other in our backgardens.

OP posts:

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