To think my 'best friends' aren't really friends?

[springhasprung]

I supposedly have 2 best friends, I'll call them Helen and Claire for the purpose of this thread.

I'm a single mum to 20 month old dd. Helen lives literally a 2 minute walk away with her partner. Claire lives a 2 minute drive away with her parents. They're 25 and 27 - I'm 26.

They never ever visit my house, they rarely text to see how I'm doing etc. I used to always contact them and arrange days/nights out etc but I stopped about a month ago to see how long it would take for them to contact me. They haven't so far.

AIBU to think that this isn't how friends should be?

How long have you known them/ been friends with them ? X

I've been friends with Helen since primary school and Claire since I was about 16.

Friends can go through little quiet times and be absorbed in thier own stuff but.....still if you're making all the effort and it's not being reciprocated..a month and no texts from them..either tell them how you feel or new friends perhaps? Maybe they will eventually realise that you were a lovely friend and they will realise too late. Friendship is a two way thing. they don't sound like they add much to your life in reality.

Sad though it seems, I think they have both 'moved on'

You often move on from school friends so it mat juSt be time for a change. They are used to you making an effort ... but even so they are definitely not your best friends.

Do they see each other without you?

Are they friends with each other too? I'd be more miffed if they were doing stuff with each other and leaving you out than if they'd just both independently gone quiet on you.

They go to watch bands together and because I don't like the sort of music they do then they don't ask me to go which is obviously fair enough. I'm not sure whether they do other things without me. Maybe it is time to find some new friends.

It's so hard when you feel like you're losing friends but honestly it sounds a bit like the 'third wheel' scenario. Might not be but it sounds a bit like that. Once you leave them to their own devices they may find that two's company isn't so great.

I am pretty sure that you will find new friends in the future that will value you and make an effort. Move onwards and upwards and sod'em.

My best friend lives about a mile away. I last saw her about 3 years ago. We're planning to meet up in a couple of weeks and it will be as though those years were days. Neither of us has "moved on", we just have busy lives!

I spend most of my time with family (or at work). I meet up with my best, childhood, friends once every few months these days, or even.just once a year

Have they got kids? I'm not excusing them, but my relationship with my childless (and happily so!) close friends has changed since my DC was born. We still get on, but the dynamic shifts and I see much less of them. I miss one in particular at times, and have to accept that group holidays and weekends away are a thing of the past, but I think it would be unreasonable to give her a hard time over it.

Going through a similar thing here. DP was very ill last year with PTSD my so called best friends were no where to be seen. I work nights and had to increase my hours to keep a roof over our heads, no offers to do school runs even though I have helped them out numerous times in the past. Heartbreaking, but I am thankful. Time to make some new friends my lovely x