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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is quite mean?

32 replies

ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 11:51

flatmate essentially moved boyfriend into out shared house (just 2 of us), he stays here most nights, watches tv a lot here on his own (sometimes I come into the house and he's just here!) and doesn't contribute to bills/food/rent. So I am basically subsiding him.

I have just looked in bathroom and she has bulk bought 50 toilet rolls and hidden them underneath her toiletries basket. Obviously so I wont ask to use/borrow them.

Aib to think this is pretty mean? I dont want the sodding toilet rolls but why go to such great lengths to hide them? Especially in light of everything?!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 08/05/2016 11:56

Naturally a pile of 50 toilet rolls would look much better on display for all to see. You could sit and ponder their beauty while on the loo

RaeSkywalker · 08/05/2016 11:56

YANBU.

Surely things like loo rolls are shared items? Are you expected to buy and use your own?

Also how big is the toiletry basket if it's hiding 50 loo rolls?!

I'd also be talking to her about her boyfriend making a contribution- I've been in your position before and asked for a contribution after a couple of months of him using our water, having the heating on when no one else was in, etc...

pillowaddict · 08/05/2016 11:57

The main issue here is the subsidy of a third person living with you so you need to address that. Bills should be split 3 ways at the very least, but I'd also be considering asking for a slight rent reduction for him to make up the shortfall as you signed up to live with one person, not two. I'm a bit intrigued as to how you spotted the toilet rolls if she went to great lengths to hide them! But agree that is mean in the circumstances, and in general tbh unless you're a regular non loo roll buyer!

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2016 11:57

He's moving in gradually and I wonder if they would want you out, tbh.

Did you have any agreements about the T&Cs of having people stay?

Everything needs bringing out into the open and discussing, before things go any further, to their advantage.

Original poster
ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 11:58

Well triptrap i see your point but equally it seems odd that she has never mentioned it once, she can be quite stingy about sharing items like this and jokily insists I pay her back every time I borrow a loo roll etc. Its become quite clear that the reason for hiding them is so I dont just help myself... Which I find quite insulting given the circumstances!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 11:59

Birdsgottafly - it's my flat!!!!!! I found it and signed the agreement, she is my flatmate! How can they want me out? It doesnt work like that!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 12:00

No im not a regular non loo roll buyer, i spotted them cos I was cleaning the bathroom (yes im a mug) and saw them stashed away.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2016 12:03

Don't split things three ways, that gives him a foot in the door.

It needs to be 2/3rds her: 1/3rd you, so it's just between the two of you, if she does, or doesn't get, the money off him, that's her business.

Beeziekn33ze · 08/05/2016 12:04

You need to talk about the rent and household expenses being shared, either with your friend or with the boyfriend too if you can handle it.
Toilet rolls, 50, hidden, how big is the bathroom?

Birdsgottafly · 08/05/2016 12:05

X post, definitely don't split things three ways, you've then given him permission to be part of the household.

I've known flat mates to get into a relationship and force the other one out, when it's rented, that's all.

Original poster
ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 12:05

Ok maybe like 20-30, im not sure, it's a big bathroom and there were a stack of them wedged right into the corner...

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 08/05/2016 12:07

Umm, how come you 'borrow a loo roll'? Do you have a loo each?

Original poster
ohgodimanidiot · 08/05/2016 12:07

yes 2 bathrooms in house

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 08/05/2016 12:08

'Birdsgottafly - it's my flat!!!!!! I found it and signed the agreement, she is my flatmate! How can they want me out? It doesnt work like that!!!!'

Does your LL know she is there? That's subletting, and some tenancy agreements don't allow that. What sort of tenancy agreement does she have? What are the T&C regarding having visitors to stay - some agreements cover this.

You need to get her out because she is pisstaking.

ilovesooty · 08/05/2016 12:09

Whose name is on the tenancy? If it's yours can you give her notice?

Arfarfanarf · 08/05/2016 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoreenLethal · 08/05/2016 12:11

As soon as you see her, tell her that he moves out, or she pays 2/3 of the rent and bills going forward. Her choice.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 08/05/2016 12:13

OP - YANBU. Not at all - this exact thing happened to my dsis - plan was for them to get a flat together. But after about a fortnight, friend got a BF, and all but moved him in. She'd come back from work and find him watching TV in his pants Hmm

It did not work out well - dsis hated the atmosphere there, felt like the gooseberry in her own home and ended up moving out after the 6mths was up. They no longer speak.

MegGriffin1 · 08/05/2016 12:13

Get a new housemate?

shamelessmailhack · 08/05/2016 12:16

Look at your tenancy agreement. There's usually a clause about how long guests can stay at the property. So her boyfriend shouldn't be able to stay every night.

Trouble is, if the agreement is fully in your name and not signed by you both, you are subletting which is usually against the rules.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 08/05/2016 12:21

She definitely has to contribute more to the bills, even if he isn't stay full time. Having him there even just every weekend will change the dynamics of the flat to your disadvantage. Instead of you having a 50% call on everything (eg what to watch on tv) you'll only have a third, and could easily feel outnumbered on a lot of things. Plus you may end up feeling you can't /don't want to spend time in the communal areas whilst they're there, so are paying for something you're not using.

Definitely get it sorted ASAP.

Needfinsnow · 08/05/2016 12:25

Definitely talk about it! And ask for some contribution from him! When I was at uni I shared a house with 4 others, all of whom pretty much moved their partners in with them. It was hell, partners didn't contribute a bean and the bills rocketed with so many extra people! I moved out after a year as could not bear it anymore!

OurBlanche · 08/05/2016 12:30

No contribution, that could give him rights.

Do check your tenancy and see what it says about guests, see what you can do about replacing her as well!

If all that fails, move out yourself. Once you get that sort of imbalance in a house share it is impossible to put it right. One party always has to move on. Her circumstances have changed, she should be grown up enough to acknowledge it amd do the right thing.

springydaffs · 08/05/2016 12:32

HOnestly, just chuck her out.

She won't improve. She is taking the PISS

Leopard12 · 08/05/2016 12:35

Your friend or him should definitely be contributing a little bit more than you, my boyfriend stayed with me for a couple of weeks during summer when I moved away and I felt bad he was in the house when I was at work and extra bills, less bathroom time etc even though we ended up out the flat much more than if it was just me, as it was a solid temporary block he just treated my 2 flatmates to a Chinese takeaway at the end as a thank you.

If he has his own place nearby maybe suggest to your friend they either manage time more equally between the two or if he plans on staying so often needs to contribute.

A friend at uni actually moved in her bf, told her flatmates he was staying nearby and would be over a lot, didn't tell them he was being kicked out of his place soon, he slowly moved in over a few months then lived there full time for 3 months without paying a thing, never even mentioned to the others that he had actually moved in and didnt even have another flat, his mate told one of them, his student visa had run out so he wasn't allowed to work and paid nothing, none of the flatmates now speak to them and arent invited to their wedding.