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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lending money.

26 replies

Bitchqueen90 · 04/05/2016 06:57

In March I loaned a friend of mine £100. I have lent him the odd £20 here and there which he has always paid me back promptly so I was happy to do it this time. He said he would pay me back the following week when he got paid.

It's been 2 months now and I'm still waiting. When I broached the subject he said "a few things had cropped up" but kept promising to pay me back. The last time I spoke to him (Sunday) he got annoyed with me, accused me of caring more about the money!

I'm very annoyed. I'm a lone parent, I wouldn't say I'm struggling for money and £100 might not seem like a lot but to me it's the principle. I lent it him in good faith that he'd pay it back, I understand that people have bills and things happen but the reason I lent it him in the first place is because he "overspent at a stag do" which isn't really my problem. I'm happy to help out a friend but I feel like he's taking the p*ss a bit now and it's a shame because it's put me off ever lending to friends again. AIBU?

OP posts:
springtimevintagedream · 04/05/2016 06:59

I think you would be totally within your rights to say everything to him you've said here to be honest Flowers

fitzbilly · 04/05/2016 07:00

You should never lend money to friends, it just has the potential to end badly.

You need to give him a deadline when you want the money back, say by the end of may.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/05/2016 07:17

If he paid you back promptly you wouldn't have to keep asking. He's taking the piss. Yanbu.

FishWithABicycle · 04/05/2016 07:23

He's a bit confused. He was using the phrase "please could you lend me some money" in the same way that many people say "please could you lend me a tissue" - i.e. actually please give me this, I do not expect to give it back.

He is hoping that you will value the delights of his friendship enough to shut up about this money which he wants to forget about as soon as possible.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/05/2016 07:29

Text him with a deadline, "x I lent you that money in good faith and you promised to pay it back straight away, to be honest the fact I have had to ask at all is annoying but the fact you are getting annoyed by me asking is just not on, I need the money back by Sunday evening and no later, don't let me have to ask again"

VulcanWoman · 04/05/2016 07:56

If he couldn't pay the whole amount in one go, he could have at least offered to pay in instalments, any reasonable decent person would have offered to do this. I wouldn't expect to get the money back now, I couldn't be friends with anyone that did that to me. I'd try one more time then cut him off.

HermioneWeasley · 04/05/2016 08:02

He's a twat - if he cared about the friendship he wouldn't put you in this situation

AyeAmarok · 04/05/2016 08:02

Anyone who responds to a request to repay the money you lent them by getting annoyed at you and trying to make out you're the one in the wrong is an arsehole who is taking complete advantage of your good nature.

I like the tissue comparison!

whois · 04/05/2016 08:41

Exactly what Nocabbageinmyeye said. Factual, not emotional, fair.

Topseyt · 04/05/2016 08:43

Send Nocabbage's text.

His response to it will tell you all you need to know about his attitude to you, to money and to the friendship in general.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 04/05/2016 08:46

Never ever ever lend money to anyone unless you can afford to write it off.

A wise person said this many years ago and it is totally and utterly right.

MatildaTheCat · 04/05/2016 08:51

Yep, Nocabbage has it. Send the text and wait. You now know he's a piss taker so it hardly matters if he's upset. He should be mortified btw, not cross or upset.

Original poster
Bitchqueen90 · 04/05/2016 09:14

Thanks, I will do that. I guess I've been too much of a "soft touch", I feel bad saying no if people ask. But to be honest this is the last straw for me. If I ever borrowed money off anyone I'd feel mortified until I had paid it back.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 04/05/2016 09:21

At least it was "only" £100. It could have been a worse way to learn the lesson to never lend money to people.

RaeSkywalker · 04/05/2016 09:29

Don't let him make you feel guilty. He is in the wrong here. Send nocabbage's text.

gamerchick · 04/05/2016 09:34

I learned the hard way. It gets easier to say no the more you do it.

I was bumped 400 quid last year by someone who for 20 year always tipped up. im not that bothered about the money but I am bothered by the spitting and snarling I got when it was mentioned. I cut her off.

If a friend starts to take the piss because they perceive you as being better off than them so therefore EXPECT a free ride and woe betide you wanting them to pay you back its time to dump their arses.

redexpat · 04/05/2016 10:02

Have you got any written communication? A text where friend asks could you lend me some money?

RuggerHug · 04/05/2016 10:05

Tell him you're happy to take a tenner or twenty a week until it's cleared and see what he says. And no more lending. I added up what I lent an ex-friend (before I grew a spine and got rid). 3 grand(that I can remember!) the cow owes me, mostly in the 20 and 50 amounts SadAngry

Original poster
Bitchqueen90 · 04/05/2016 10:35

Redexpat yes I do, he asked me over whatsapp so I have the messages. I think I'd be less annoyed if I knew he was really desperate and in need of the financial help but he's clearly not. He owns and rents out 3 properties and he's been on a night out since then so he's not exactly starving. He's admitted he has a problem with "overspending" so I should have known better but I have loaned him small amounts before that he paid back so I thought I could trust him. Serves me right for being a bloody mug. Angry

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/05/2016 11:02

You haven't been a mug, he's just taking the piss because he knows you're good for it and taking you for granted.

No more loans.

VulcanWoman · 04/05/2016 11:18

He's probably lying about the rented properties.

Pseudo341 · 04/05/2016 11:32

To put it bluntly, what kind of arsehole has a go at you for daring to ask them to pay back a loan they promised to pay back weeks ago?! I would write him off as a friend for that. Get your money back first if you can though. Did you send Nocabbageinmyeye's text yet?

Original poster
Bitchqueen90 · 04/05/2016 12:25

Yeah I have. He said at the weekend that I would get it back this week but he's not been in touch, I'll wait and see what he replies.

OP posts:
redexpat · 04/05/2016 16:47

Give him a date and say that if you havent received it by then you'll be contacting the small claims court.

cingolimama · 04/05/2016 16:55

YANBU and I hope your friend repays you pronto.

However I disagree with all this "never ever ever lend anyone money as it always ends badly". It doesn't always end badly. I have lent money. I have borrowed money. It's all been repaid in good time. It feels good to be able to help a friend or family member, and it feels good to know that other people have your back should you be in temporary difficulty. Please, MNers! we're not all disgraceful.

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