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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? - DS watched Cert12 at friends

22 replies

Squaddielife · 03/05/2016 12:07

Just that really ....

DS (age7)went over to friend house.
Comes home ranting over the new star wars movie which is cert 12 (I had decided against taking him to the cinema to see by suppose that's by the by)
Obvs they weren't so bothered about it (and are massive SW fans) but it's narked me a bit. They didn't even ask us.
Plus DS has been having bad dreams since watching it (he can be prone to this)

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/05/2016 12:10

I wouldn't be happy either. YANBU.

verite · 03/05/2016 12:11

We took our son (6) to see it at the cinema as we knew he would be fine with it (which he was - and its a 12A not 12). However, I know other children can have a more sensitive disposition. I would (and have) always checked with parents if kids are wanting to watch anything over a PG at our home as i know different children/different rules. So I don't think the parents were being unreasonable for letting their own child watch it but they were BU in not checking with you in advance (and before children are told about it).

VimFuego101 · 03/05/2016 12:12

They should have asked you first. I would always check if I was planning to take a child to a film with a cert that they weren't the right age for.

TeenAndTween · 03/05/2016 12:13

I wouldn't be happy either.

Experience with DD1 has taught me the need to be explicit with friends' parents over certificate rating rules. It is something that parents have wildly differing views on.

redhat · 03/05/2016 12:18

No, I wouldn't be happy and the DSs know that they are not to watch films that are more than PG unless they've already seen them with our approval. I'm pretty strict with age certification on movies but we do make exceptions sometimes when we've seen the movie and consider it ok.

SW The Force Awakens was actually ok in my opinion (but mine are 9 and 11). There's a blood streaked helmet and other upsetting things happen but in general terms its not excessively scary or graphically violent.

There is no such thing as a difference between a 12 and a 12A BTW. The 12A is the cinema certification and the 12 is the dvd certification. It means exactly the same thing. 12A doesn't mean it's less scary than 12. Its just that they can't police whether an adult is sitting in the living room with the child.

BarbarianMum · 03/05/2016 12:23

YANBU pretty standard round here to check with parents if showing a 12A or higher certificate film to under 12s. I'd usually check before showing a PG tbh

BlueMoonRising · 03/05/2016 12:24

Ranting over? Or raving over? The two aren't synonyms, ranting suggests agitation or anger, raving over suggests he loved it. If the film was making him agitated, the parents should have been aware and stopped the film.

echelon · 03/05/2016 12:26

Of course YANBU. It's common sense and basic courtesy to check with the parents before putting a 12 rated film in front of a 7 year old.

Original poster

Squaddielife · 03/05/2016 12:38

Ah yes, BlueMoon - he was raving over it sorry.

A lesson learnt I think ... i'll be sure to make it clear to friends to ask us first.

No lasting harm done but good to know it's not just me being a bit 'precious'

Thanks All

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 03/05/2016 12:48

YANBU, if he was 10 I'd be more relaxed, but 7 is too young without the parents permission.

ZanyMobster · 03/05/2016 12:51

At that age mine were OK with Star Wars and similar 12 films (personally I don't think they should be higher than PG but that's irrelevant) I would always check with parents if it's a 12 or even a dubious PG.

curren · 03/05/2016 12:56

I am quite relaxed about film certificates and usually am happy to trust the judgment of the parent I am leaving them with.

I don't really stick to the age guidlines in the house either, as long as me or dh have watched it first, then We can judge.

That said, I am really aware that not all parents think like that and always check with other parents first.

I am shocked Star Wars is 12A, I never checked. I saw it at the cinema and knew ds (5) would love it.

ijustwannadance · 03/05/2016 13:09

They should've asked.

I let my DD (5) watch the heavily edited itv2 version of jurassic park but no way I would let her watch the unedited version of jurassic world she desperately wants to watch.
Kids are funny though. She has seen the old star wars yet won't watch the little mermaid or rapauzel as ursula/gothel scare the crap out of her.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/05/2016 13:13

It would only have taken them a few minutes to text beforehand and ask you if DS had watched it before and/or would it be ok if they watched it.
Our DS (8) is Star Wars mad but I wouldn't automatically assume all his friends would be allowed to see it.

Imaginosity · 03/05/2016 13:21

My 4 yr old and 6 yr old enjoyed that movie - but I would not put it in on for someone else's child without checking their parent was ok with it.

My 4 yr old was terrified of a giant bunny rabbit in a Wallace and Gromit movie - so you just don't know what will scare a particular child.

chicaguapa · 03/05/2016 13:30

Yes, they should have asked. But I've found that the only way you can police what your DC watches whilst at friends' houses is to teach him to do it himself. This leads onto internet access when they're a bit older which is a whole new can of worms so it's a good opportunity to start when it's just films.

You can't watch over them the whole time or rely on other people's judgements so I do think part of parenting is to teach them the importance of adhering to their boundaries whilst away from you and why. You can use this as an example of why your DS needs to. ie. It was a 12 certificate film and it has given him nightmares since.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 03/05/2016 13:30

The DVD will be rated 12 although the movie was a 12A - I'm not sure exactly why it works like that but probably to make it easier for staff selling the DVDs. iirc, Tesco wanted DS to prove he was 15 before allowing him to by a 12 and explained he'd need to be 18 to buy a 15. Not sure if that is a regulation, Tesco overall stance or a local stance. I had to buy the movie btw as he was 12 and not 15.

YANBU OP they should have asked. Although I once had an angry parent at my door for allowing his son to watch a PG when he was almost 9 which I was a bit over. It turns out though that the boy was mega sensitive and he was supposed to ask me to call his mum or dad if they ended up watching a movie so I could check with them. he didn't tell me and I didn't think it was an issue. He didn't tell me and he picked the movie my DS told me later.

BlueMoonRising · 03/05/2016 13:31

Just realised I didn't finish my comment, but I'm pretty much in line with everyone else.

IMO that particular 12 is okay for younger viewers generally - but every younger viewer is different and the parents know better than anyone how their child will react. They should have asked.

When my daughter was 15 she wanted to have a horror film for her birthday. I know that other girls there had already watched way more horror than my daughter had, but I still made sure that the film they watched was a 15 and not an 18.

paxillin · 03/05/2016 13:33

I'd normally say they must ask. In the case of Star Wars however, I would have naively assumed it's ok. Every child I know over 6 has seen it. There's been a bit of competetion who saw it first and the last ones felt terribly left out. Still, YANBU, they should have.

andintothefire · 03/05/2016 13:36

Hmm.. I'm going to go against the grain on this and say that I think for Star Wars it probably wasn't something they thought they needed to check with you. Lots of children of that sort of age saw it at the cinema and your son and his friend were probably really excited at the prospect of seeing it. I don't think they were particularly irresponsible.

However, I am interested that so many parents would want to be consulted and will definitely take that on board in future, even for films like Star Wars that I would have just assumed to be fine for that age group.

paxillin · 03/05/2016 13:52

Same here, andintothefire. I would have assumed because a 7yo who hadn't seen it would be the only one in ds's class. Will not assume consent having read this thread.

HesterBlue · 03/05/2016 17:10

YANBU. I would expect the other parent to have asked me first too.

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