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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect a congratulations

25 replies

lookatmeimsandradee · 01/05/2016 12:54

My daughter has just got selected to sing in a backing group in a major theatre production .
She doesn't put herself forward very often (like ever) so I am thrilled that she was selected.

I have just texted her music teacher to explain that she may not be able to do her grade exam due to a date clash and the reason why.

I have just got a text back saying we will discuss it next week.

Fine..... but AIBU to expect the text to start off with 'well done' or 'congratulations'
The music teacher has two other students the same age who are at a higher grade who can do no wrong (they practise and have few outside interests and are part of youth orchestras) and I often feel like my daughter could never live up to their level, the teacher makes it obvious
This has annoyed me.... Grrrrrr

OP posts:

Thegirlinthetrousers · 01/05/2016 12:58

Have you paid for the exam yet? I'm assuming you didn't ask for a refund or anything like that...as exam dates aren't changeable and only refundable in exceptional circumstances...

I imagine that the teacher might be a bit put out if they've spent a lot of time working toward the exam, but if you're prepared to lose the money, there's not a lot they can do about it...but I imagine they are a bit unimpressed as these things take lots of organisation etc...

SoThatHappened · 01/05/2016 13:00

YABU

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 01/05/2016 13:01

Could be a hundred reasons why she didn't type what you hoped/expected.

A 'feel done' might be nice, but it doesn't mean that there isn't a reasonable reason why one wasn't offered.

DeadGood · 01/05/2016 13:04

You're overthinking this particular instance. But it sounds like you have other problems with this teacher which you can and should address separately x

Original poster

lookatmeimsandradee · 01/05/2016 13:07

no the exam hasn't even been paid for or entered into yet.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 01/05/2016 13:09

YABU

Original poster

lookatmeimsandradee · 01/05/2016 13:10

Ok YIBU - thats fine, guess I'm being a bit sensitive :)

OP posts:

EponasWildDaughter · 01/05/2016 13:17

How old is DD?

To answer purely based on the 'should the teacher have written congrats in their text to me?' bit of the question then perhaps they would have said 'well done' if they were texting your DD. However the text was to you not the person who got selected, IYSWIM?

Maybe they're not a chatty texter. One of my DCs (21) isn't. She always texts the bare minimum

Winterbiscuit · 01/05/2016 13:19

Maybe the teacher doesn't want to think about it on the Sunday of a bank holiday weekend.

AugustaFinkNottle · 01/05/2016 13:22

Maybe the teacher considers that she should congratulate your daughter directly rather than through a text to you?

OpheliaHamlet · 01/05/2016 13:28

maybe she wants to discourage correspondence on a Sunday/her day(s) off, but was being polite in acknowledging that she did receive the text.

scarlets · 01/05/2016 13:33

It's possible that she's telling you politely that she doesn't expect to receive work-related texts on a Sunday. I'm sure she's pleased for your daughter, however - what music teacher wouldn't be?

dailymailphequers · 01/05/2016 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2016 13:35

Maybe she's going to congratulate your DD when she sees her? There's no point in congratulating you.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/05/2016 13:41

Maybe it's because you text her but it was your daughters achievement so she will say well done to her when she sees her but she has no reason to say it to you? Either that or the Sunday thing, that would annoy me

But well done to your dd

musicposy · 01/05/2016 13:47

I'm a piano teacher and I wouldn't mind at all if a pupil couldn't do an exam due to something else coming up. In fact, I had this last term - a pupil who really does need to take her G5 theory and is ready got a part in the school musical. I was lovely and congratulatory over it and she's taking it this term.

But texts on a Sunday piss me right off and messages when parents know I am on holiday saying "have you had x's exam result yet?" make me apoplectic. In those instances my standard response is what you got "I'll discuss it in the week/ next week" in the hope they realise they've been rude. Persistent offenders get "I'm always free to chat mornings and late evenings but not weekends".

Therein lies your answer .

Butterflyface · 01/05/2016 13:50

I'm a music teacher, so from experience, if I was planning to enter a student for an exam, but it wasn't going to be possible because of a major date clash, I'd say oh well, maybe she can do an 'unofficial' exam (i.e. an assessment by me) at a later date, and then take the next grade - it's not a huge deal if it's not Grades 6,7 or 8 tbh. I would also say something like 'ooh - how exciting for her', and congratulate her when I next saw her, but that's just me.

Witchend · 01/05/2016 13:51

It could also be that she doesn't realise that doing it is competitive.
My dc are in a panto which is generally run as if you want to that's fine. They sometimes are given effusive congratulations about being in it because people assume they passed an audition.
They've also been in things that people have assumed that they just turned up and all do it and it was actually very competitive and haven't offered congratulations for.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 01/05/2016 13:56

maybe she wants to discourage correspondence on a Sunday/her day(s) off, but was being polite in acknowledging that she did receive the text

This! How incredibly rude of you to contact her on a weekend, totally unnecessary and should have waited for Monday.

musicposy · 01/05/2016 14:00

Or even Tuesday this week! She's your DD but she's the teacher's work. And, I say that as someone who genuinely really likes my pupils and the vast majority of their parents.

However, it's still work and I don't want to deal with it on a bank holiday weekend.

Godstopper · 01/05/2016 14:09

E-mail and text seem to encourage some to think an immediate reply is warranted.

I never look at e-mails over the weekend now, having had enough of students having some essay/exam crisis and demanding an instant reply. Anything work related can wait. Don't think what the teacher said was rude.

rubberducker · 01/05/2016 14:09

Would people have the same reaction about rudeness if the OP had sent an email? Just because the OP sent the message over the weekend doesn't mean she expected it to be actioned by the teacher at the weekend.

Butterflyface · 01/05/2016 14:25

and there is also the point that the deadline for exam entries is coming up very soon - in fact I think the AB online entry opens today, so the OP may just have been trying to ensure that the teacher didn't enter her and pay, incurring an unnecessary and unrefundable cost? So, Sunday text I would actually understand, even if a bit irritating.

musicposy · 01/05/2016 21:01

The ABRSM entry doesn't close until 6th May and a teacher really shouldn't be entering a pupil without confirmation from the parent or getting the money up front.

Anyone who hasn't paid me this week doesn't get entered. Anyone who pays me this week needs to let me know by Thursday night if they change their mind. I make it very clear that's when I submit the entry. After that no refunds (unless ABRSM give it).

However, I accept the OP's teacher may be less organised!

Finallyonboard · 01/05/2016 21:04

Why are you sending her messages on a Sunday? Her response was simply a 'it's my day off' type response

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