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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pocket money and flying lessons

34 replies

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 21:01

Do you give your kids pocket money? If so, what is a reasonable amount? It all started when my son (11) asked to have flying lessons (!) and obv we don't think it's sensible even though he is really keen. I understand he's not happy we're not just agreeing to him having his way and started saying that we are not a normal family, and that all his friends get pocket money whereas he doesn't. So on one hand I'm thinking that in hope to calm him down we give him some pocket money every week. On the other hand it's like he's getting his way. In the past we would just pay for stuff when and as he needs it. Dh now says if he's getting pocket money he ought to use that rather than expecting it from us for things when we are out and about. He also says that if his sister is getting to do the hobbies she likes (dance) he should be getting the same amount to spend on him.... Grrrr

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TeenAndTween · 27/04/2016 21:05

Pocket money is about learning money management skills.
DD2 is 11 (y6) and gets £3 per week.
She chooses whether to spend or save.
She chooses whether to buy A or B. Or both C and D.
Very valuable skills.

Hobbies are different and come out a different pot as far as I am concerned. They probably even out in cost in the long run. Flying lessons are probably quite pricey and time consuming though unless you live next to an airfield.

TheCuriousOwl · 27/04/2016 21:09

I'm afraid I think YABU on both counts tbh.

Most children DO get pocket money. It teaches them how to budget, and depending on how much he gets yes he then should use it for 'out and about' spending- not if you go as a family to the cinema, for instance, but like if he wants a magazine or sweets or going out with friends.

Flying lessons might be a bit extreme, but if your daughter dances to a high level or competitive standard then it's pretty crap to watch your sibling getting to do the thing they love and have a lot spent on it in terms of time and money while you don't get to do anything you want to do. I know this from experience. Equality doesn't mean 'well I get £X per term because she gets that spent' but he should feel like you're equally invested in what he likes and wants to do.

Unless there's a massive back story of him not sticking to things or you trying to get him interested in things and him backing out.

BigGreenOlives · 27/04/2016 21:11

Look into Air Cadets

AliceInUnderpants · 27/04/2016 21:12

Mine are 11 and 7. They each get £10 a month regardless. They have the opportunity to earn more (DD1 will get 20/30p for bringing in the washing for example, DD2 will get 20p for putting the bins out) throughout the month.

He has a point, if his sister is having activities paid for then he should have the same opportunities. I'd imagine flying lessons cost way more than dancing though?

ConfuciousSayWhat · 27/04/2016 21:12

Tbh if she's dancing (a hugely costly and time hungry pursuit) it's reasonable for him to want similar time and investment from his parents

HelenaJustina · 27/04/2016 21:14

Another vote for Air Cadets. I could fly solo before I could drive and it didn't cost me a penny.

Original poster

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 21:18

Thank you for the air cadets lead, didn't think about it but looked it up just now and although we have one locally, he'd have to be 13 so in a couple of years if he still wants to do it it's a great option.

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FlipperSkipper · 27/04/2016 21:21

Flying lessons are very expensive, but I can understand him wanting something from you if his sister gets so much.

Elisheva · 27/04/2016 21:23

Mine get £2 a week each. It is their money to spend as they wish and it's been brilliant to teach them about spending/saving, and that you can only spend money once. Plus they're learning that generally cheap toys are cheap for a reason, and that you can usually get stuff cheaper on the internet if you're prepared to wait!

Original poster

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 21:23

In terms of his hobbies, he's had the same opportunities as our daughter if not more as she's just taken to dance and he's tried all sorts, figure skating, tennis, piano, horse riding, coding clubs, cricket, swimming, shooting, you name it. None as expensive as flying!

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OSETmum · 27/04/2016 21:30

He'll love Air Cadets once he turns 13 (actually when I was a cadet you could join from 12 3/4 so that you were fully inducted by the time you were 13 so contact the squadron before he turns 13).

As for pocket money, yes most kids definitely do get it. DS is 6 and gets £2 a week but by secondary it'll be more.

HelenaJustina · 27/04/2016 21:40

Show him your research into Air Cadets, show him you are taking it seriously.

Flying is minimum £70 an hour plus instructor fees. Probably £120 in total, if not more. For those saying dancing is expensive, I agree but £120 is more than I pay per term for ballet and tap for DC1. Flying is in another league!

Cheapest form is probably gliding, have you an airfield near you where they do winch-launches? What about an experience flight for a birthday?

FlipperSkipper · 27/04/2016 21:47

My flying lessons are £170 an hour, plus landing fees!

fourcorneredcircle · 27/04/2016 21:52

Air cadets is now anyone in year 8/S1, so, even if he's not thirteen 'til next summer he can get signed up on the first day of September/august (if you live in Scotland)... Four months isn't so long to wait :) although, he still can't fly until he's 13 and three months for insurance purposes. Lots of sqns have flight sims though - proper pilot seats, headsets and surround screens :)

Original poster

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 22:28

He's in y6 so would have to wait a year and a bit but I think it's a good option. He's already had a flight simulator experience and a 30 min flight. I just think he should understand he can't do it on a weekly basis for financial reasons plus I don't think it's much good till you're 14 and can work at getting a private licence. Hopefully the £10 a week pocket money would take his mind off flying for a bit. Thanks everyone for the input.

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Original poster

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 22:30

*a Month I meant not week!!

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SistersOfPercy · 27/04/2016 22:46

Agree air cadets. Dd was one and loved it. The week long camp at St Mawgan (?) in Cornwall was one of the best weeks of her life she says, and she got to fly planes that week.
She was gutted when she had to give it up due to illness, many of her friends went on to do Duke of Edinburgh through it. It's a very useful hobby to put in a cv.

BackforGood · 27/04/2016 22:52

Agree with everyone else that they are 2 sep issues though.

MidniteScribbler · 27/04/2016 23:20

Pocket money - my parents never gave me any, and just said they'd pay for what I need. I actually think it didn't teach me anything about the value of money and it's been a tough road to really teach myself to budget and save. I went through a phase of having a lot of credit card debt because I just never could make the connection between buying something now and then having to pay it off. I'm now completely debt free, and intend on staying that way, but I'm pretty annoyed at my parents (and myself of course). Mum was always a bit of a 'keeping up with the Jones' ' person, and I think that shaped my own views. I don't intend on letting DS go down that path, and he will start the pocket money/saving education from his next birthday.
Others have given you great ideas about the cadets, and I do encourage you to support him. I only wanted to do one hobby when I was growing up, and I wasn't allowed because it didn't fit with my mother's narrow view of the world. I know in hindsight that it was an expensive hobby (horses - if you go down the path of ownership, competition, etc) that didn't really work with our lifestyle, but if I'd been at least given the chance of the occasional lesson or trial ride, I'd have been happy with that. I think that whilst some things are unrealistic, trying to find a happy medium (the cadets option in this case) and showing that you support their own interests is very important. Getting the information ready for him to start the cadets when he is old enough, and in the meantime, giving him pocket money to encourage him to save for things relating to that hobby when it starts, would be a good way of supporting him (without paying out a fortune for unaffordable flying lessons right now!).

scaryteacher · 27/04/2016 23:23

Get him a trial flight in a glider, it's cheaper than flying lessons. I know in Germany kids go solo in gliders at 14.....not sure what the age is in UK. It might be worth, when he is a bit older, to see if he could help out at a local glider club.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/04/2016 00:11

Air Cadets sound good, I just had a look. Any reason you're not so keen OP? I'm being nosy really, wondering why you haven't picked up on something so many posters have suggested?
Nosy me

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/04/2016 00:19

If you live near an airfield you can often get cheaper lessons by doing unpaid school holiday work there my nephew did for years and years

Catinthecorner · 28/04/2016 04:37

Air cadets is great but has just lost a huge proportion of their gliding schools and slots.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2016 04:57

Pocket money as soon as they wont eat it. DD gets $5 and spends it on whatever. She is expected to do chores but these are separate from pocket money.

wallywobbles · 28/04/2016 05:42

My 11 and 10 year old get a clothing allowance cos I can't deal with the constant demands. Worked out what they needed, not wanted, and priced it up, divided by 12.

It's been great and such a saving. They have bank accounts linked to mine and debit cards. I direct debit transfer money to their accounts. Cards kept at home, they have to write down what they spend and keep a total of their balance and keep receipts.

Gradually we will add stuff in and add to the total allowance.

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