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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH boss' comments about me

63 replies

lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:30

I have a disability and I'm a wheelchair user. DH handed his notice at work yesterday in order to start his own business and his boss said to him that they thought it was wrong DH hasn't disclosed my disability to them when he started there. Just for some background he has been there three years and probably had 2 days off in that time to care for me - on his return from those 2 days off his boss said to a new starting employee, 'Oh we are very family friendly here. Mr Lividlil has had to have some time off lately due to problems with his wife.'
I'm SO angry about it as I know he is in breach of the equalities act and I feel so upset that I don't have a right yo reply to his comment. DH doesn't want to say anything as he has to work for him for his notice period but would I be unreasonable to pursue this in some way further? And if I do how would I do it?!

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:40

I should add DH does a lot of caring for me around his paid work but apart from those 2 days we do everything we can to make sure he is at work sometimes to the detriment of my health

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whirlygirly · 26/04/2016 18:50

I'm not surprised you're angry. How did your dh respond? Obviously he has no obligation to disclose anything at all unless it relates directly to him but I know you know that.
Astounding ignorance on his part Shock

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:51

Anyone?? I think why I'm so angry is that the inference is that he wouldn't have been offered the job if they'd known about my disability which is ridiculous as it's had zero impact on them really and even if it had there are laws to protect carers. DH is out of there soon but what about other people he employs?

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whirlygirly · 26/04/2016 18:51

The boss that is, not your dh

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:53

@whirlygirly thanks for your reply. I think that's also why I'm so mad as DH didn't say anything to him. To be fair to DH his boss is known for being a bullying arsehole who wouldn't really have taken on board anything DH said anyway. Do you think DH should put something in his official resignation letter?

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Whatamuckingfuddle · 26/04/2016 18:53

I don't know what to suggest. I would be livid, I hope your DH plans to say something once his notice period is up?

whirlygirly · 26/04/2016 18:54

Yes, I understand it to be discrimination by association. (But may be wrong!) Can you contact Acas for some advice?

GingerMerkin · 26/04/2016 18:55

Your DH should ask for an exit interview with HR and lay it on the line to them this sort of thing is completely unacceptable.

curren · 26/04/2016 18:55

When was this said? A while ago?

Why are you angry now? Or why has your dh only told you now?

Yanbu though

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:56

One of the issues is that we live in quite a small area and DH boss is a big business man in the area (although no one likes him) and DH is worried he will be vindictive and affect DH business opportunities. I'm just so mad - I hate injustice and want him to know thst what he said is both morally wrong and illegal!

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 18:59

@curren He handed his notice in yesterday and that's when his boss made the comment about disclosing my disability. The other one was made last year but I'm still mad about it to this day.

Unfortunately there's no HR it's his company

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ImperialBlether · 26/04/2016 19:00

Of course it's wrong and a disgusting way to talk to anyone, but the fact is that nothing anyone says to this guy will make any difference. Just think yourselves lucky that your husband is leaving soon and won't have to have anything to do with him.

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:00

Would ACAS speak to me do you think or would it need to be DH? Obviously morally/emotionally I'm offended but I presume ACAS would only get involved in the legal side?

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:01

@imperial That's DH view but I feel so angry about it!

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AugustaFinkNottle · 26/04/2016 19:01

He should email the boss referring to what he said and asking why the boss says he should have disclosed your disability when he started there, i.e. what difference it would have made.

BillSykesDog · 26/04/2016 19:02

I agree with you you're quite right to be angry. But realistically as he's leaving anyway the best thing to do is just leave it. It could affect any reference he may receive now and in the future, which I guess could be rectified with legal action but do you want to go through that?

If you're confident he's leaving with a good reference I'd leave it.

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:03

@augusta I was wondering whether he should put something to that effect in his resignation letter as it's an official document that would be seem by the other partners too?

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BillSykesDog · 26/04/2016 19:03

Oh Christ. If it's his company there's fuck all you can do but legal action so just leave it. This is why I wouldn't work for a small business.

curren · 26/04/2016 19:05

I don't get why it went from handing his notice in, to talking about what he should have or should not have disclosed.

Why bring it up now?

Sounds like the man has an issue with the fact that your dh is leaving.

Don't keep getting upset about about comments long gone. It's not doing you any good.

It shouldn't be allowed. But just be careful, if your dh thinks it could affect his new business. You can follow it up and take it as far as you can. But if it will make life more difficult, is it worth it?

It's not fair that, that's how it works out sometimes. But unfortunately, life isn't always fair.

It's a difficult one, because if I were you I would want to wipe the floor with him.

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:07

@bill I know you're right in terms of comeback. Thr boss is a total twat and a bully in the true sense of the word in reality this is the tip of the iceberg but as a disabled person who can advocate pretty well for myself I feel a compulsion to correct his disabilist views for others as well as myself!

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:09

@curren His boss said that to be spiteful to him because he's behaves like a child and knows DH leaving will have an impact on his business so when DH handed his notice in he hit him where he knew it would have an impact. He's a cock.

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FreeProteinFromTheSky · 26/04/2016 19:13

Turd in a shoebox Grin or.... put it down to the bloke being a twat. You know he is a twat, everyone else knows he's a twat. His new employee will soon realise he is a twat. Put it down to twattery and almost forget it but maintain a little smile inside about the sheer amount of twattishness this bloke harbours.

Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:15

@free I like turd in a shoebox we live on a farm so loads of shit here 😂

I know I should probably let it go but where do we draw the line between twat and law breaker?

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:16

Sorry for typos I'm so cross my heart rate is through roof which really isn't good for me!

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Original poster
lividlil · 26/04/2016 19:19

Would it be too passive aggressive to sign him up for loads of equality and diversity training emails and brochures?!

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