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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husbands ex wife's fathers funeral

211 replies

charlotte300 · 21/04/2016 07:17

Hi everyone, my HB is going to the ex wife fathers funeral, she texted him to let him know , as I have never met her family I cannot go (or do not want to go) I spoke to HB he said that he wants to go to pay his respects as he knew her father for a long time, and that his children will be there. I do not like his ex wife and neither does my HB.

I am at work when this is happening

Am I right to feel the following

1 excluded
2 feelings of why would my hb want to be with HER family when it is his ex wife ?

would appreciate any feedback

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 21/04/2016 07:19

He's paying his respects to the person who has died
His children will be there grieving their loss of their grandfather
You're being ridiculous I'm afraid

Bathlover · 21/04/2016 07:19

I think it is fine for him to go, he had a separate relationship with the father. And it is his kids grandfather. He isn't going for his ex, but for himself and his children I expect.

Trooperslane · 21/04/2016 07:20

His children's Grandad died.

Yabu

FatPaul · 21/04/2016 07:20

YABU, just because he might not like the ex wife doesn't mean he can't pay his respects.

awfullyproper · 21/04/2016 07:20

Well that's how you feel, so you're just being honest.
You didn't stop him going (did you?) so yanbu.

Sunshowercap · 21/04/2016 07:21

YABU. He had a life before he met you, and he knew this person. FFS someone whom a lot of people loved, has died. It's not about you.

ftmsoon · 21/04/2016 07:21

I think he should go. It's his DC's grandfather who has died and he wants to pay his respects. IMO you are daft to feel excluded as you wouldn't go anyway. It's not about you or his XW, but his DC.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 21/04/2016 07:21

I had a long standing ex partner with whom I don't have kids, but I am very fond of his parents. If one of them were to die I would definitely want to go and pay my respects. Has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about the ex or my now husband.

WhiteBlueDaisies · 21/04/2016 07:21

I think your DH sounds like a lovely man, in putting his own feelings towards his EX aside to support his DC and show respect to his EX FIL.

But you know him best.

HaPPy8 · 21/04/2016 07:22

Im sorry but i think you are being unreasonable. He wants to support his children and it is someone he knew a long time. He is with you now - don't overthink it.

whatamess0815 · 21/04/2016 07:22

yabvvvu. what a nasty post.

Savagebeauty · 21/04/2016 07:22

YABU.
The man who died was his FIL. Why shouldn't he go? This man was a grandfather to his children.
You've said you don't want to go, and yet you feel excluded? You sound very bitter.
My DB attended the funerals of both his ex PILs because he liked them and had known them for years. He and his ex wife don't get on. But they were civil when they met due to the occasion.

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 21/04/2016 07:22

You don't want to go. He does. Try not to think about his ex wife in all of this - he's paying his respects to a man who was once his father in law, and be there for his kids who will probably find their grandads funeral tough.

Eliminate his ex wife from the equation. She probably doesn't even feature in his decision, but you seem to be focusing on her.

Friolero · 21/04/2016 07:22

I think YABU. His reasons of wanting to pay his respects sound reasonable to me, especially if he knew her dad for a long time. This isn't about you and I doubt he's intentionally trying to exclude you.

LongHairDontCare · 21/04/2016 07:23

My mum went to my grandads (dad's dad) funeral 6 years after my parents split up, and she was welcome at my nans funeral last year (but didn't go). She knew them for a long time and once had a good relationship with them. If my dad was fine with it, then why not? Yabu

londonrach · 21/04/2016 07:23

Yabu he attending for the person who died and his children not his ex

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 21/04/2016 07:24

YABU. He knew him, he is his children's grandfather. He has every right to go so he can support his dc & to pay his respects.

Lolimax · 21/04/2016 07:25

I went to my ex husbands mothers funeral. For what it's worth they both hated me but I took my 2 teenaged DC's as obviously it was their grandparent. I've been brought up to show respect and my lovely DH supported me.

Drinksforeveryone · 21/04/2016 07:26

YABU

The man was his father in law. He was his DCs grandfather.

I would expect/wouldn't mind if my ex attended either of my parents' funerals.

flanjabelle · 21/04/2016 07:26

Yabu, for all the above reasons.

fedupbutfine · 21/04/2016 07:27

You are jealous that you husband's ex wife's father has died???? Really?

inlawsfromhell · 21/04/2016 07:27

When my FIL died my MIL wanted to bring her 'D'P I'm glad he had the decency not to come.

Duckdeamon · 21/04/2016 07:29

Yabu. Sort yourself out.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 21/04/2016 07:29

His children are hurting, they have lost someone close to them. Would you really want to be with a man who wasn't there for his children when they are going through something so traumatic?

ALongTimeComing · 21/04/2016 07:30

This is absolutely normals. You are being selfish here FFS.