My husbands ex wife's fathers funeral

[charlotte300]

Hi everyone, my HB is going to the ex wife fathers funeral, she texted him to let him know , as I have never met her family I cannot go (or do not want to go) I spoke to HB he said that he wants to go to pay his respects as he knew her father for a long time, and that his children will be there. I do not like his ex wife and neither does my HB.

I am at work when this is happening

Am I right to feel the following

1 excluded
2 feelings of why would my hb want to be with HER family when it is his ex wife ?

would appreciate any feedback

paulanka likewise

I agree that the DH should go, for all the many reasons already stated. But I don't see why the OP should not go ( if she could get time off work, and would feel comfortable doing so ie less excluded). My Dad died recently, and my Mum not too long ago, and all sorts of people came for all sorts of reasons. Apart from their own family, friends and neighbours, many people who had never even met them came along, such as friends or work colleagues of their children and grandchildren. They came to show respect and support for someone they know who is grieving. So even though the OP didn't know the xFIL, presumably she knows her stepchildren and I would think it quite OK to go and show her respect and support for them (and her DH). Depending on the situation, and things like distance to travel, she might leave after the funeral service and not go to the meal or whatever, that would generally just be for the closer family and friends.

You have written down honestly how you feel and don't deserve to be given a hard time for that. I can understand you feeling excluded but equally understand your dh wanting to pay his respects. Ywbu to try and stop him going but you haven't said you are doing that. Just going to have to accept this is going to be an uncomfortable day.

Getting some harsh posts here OP. I understand why you would feel as you do, it's a past life you weren't part of. However, it is your issue, he's doing the right thing and he may want to bring his kids away from the wake if their mum is very upset or wants to drink. So, YANBU but keep control of your thoughts and feelings by supporting your husband as he is doing the right thing for his children, and the man who died, and the children's mother who is upset x

Yabu

When my friend's lovely mum died last year, her father (divorced from her mum 25 years) came to the funeral (nice in theory) but unfortunately he insisted on bringing along his cow of a new (ish!) wife (OW - not nice in practice, especially as she he expected the eulogies to be adapted in light of her presence as she wouldn't want to have to sit and hear how wonderful his former wife was!)

My friend's exh also attended, but thoughtfully left his OW behind.

So it's his children's grandad? Why wouldn't he go, if only to support them?

My MIL came her exFIL's funeral (dh's grandad) as they'd always got on and she wanted to support her children.

I don't think that's odd at all. She didn't really speak to my FIL as that isn't an amicable split, but she did offer her condolences and moved on.

Although her children were all in their 20's at the time, they appreciated that their parents could act civilly at such s time.

I haven't read the full thread but would echo MsColouring and R2G. It would only BU to try and prevent your DH from attending but you haven't done that. Your DH should be there for his children if not for anything else.

Grow up,get a grip and stop being so selfish.

She agreed with everyone about a page ago...

This is why we should be able to edit posts.

Good grief READ THE THREAD she has been extremely gracious, taken all comments on board, if you can't be bothered to read the thread don't comment