Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husbands ex wife's fathers funeral

211 replies

charlotte300 · 21/04/2016 07:17

Hi everyone, my HB is going to the ex wife fathers funeral, she texted him to let him know , as I have never met her family I cannot go (or do not want to go) I spoke to HB he said that he wants to go to pay his respects as he knew her father for a long time, and that his children will be there. I do not like his ex wife and neither does my HB.

I am at work when this is happening

Am I right to feel the following

1 excluded
2 feelings of why would my hb want to be with HER family when it is his ex wife ?

would appreciate any feedback

OP posts:
AgentPineapple · 22/04/2016 11:18

YABU why do you feel left out from going to a funeral for goodness sake! You have said you can't go and you don't want to go. He would have known and cared about this man for a long time, just because he is not on good terms with his ex has nothing to do with her parents etc. His kids will be there and it will be hard for them, of course he should be there. You are being selfish and unreasonable. Give yourself a shake!

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:22

Silly and selfish doesn't quite cover it (childish and extremely unreasonable would be better) but fair play to you for owing it.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:22

owning

cabbage67 · 22/04/2016 11:37

YABU. My dad died a year ago, and my ex-boyfriend attended his funeral. We were together 8 years, but split up about 18 years ago. I am now married with 2 children and I rarely see him, but he obviously heard my dad had died and I was very touched that he attended.

Your are being very selfish and a little childish

TulipChewlip · 22/04/2016 11:44

Well done OP.

Here's my experience of an ex coming to a funeral...

My father died 8 years ago, my sister now married to someone else but we found her ex walking about the grounds of the crematorium afterwards. He'd only gone to the wrong funeral!!! Grin
He was an arse with my sister (cheated and had a baby with another woman... Whilst still married Shock ) but we were all sort of touched that he came as he and my dad got on well. He kept my dad young and 'down with the kids' (imagine 60 year old man trying to talk with a gangsta New York Bronx accent) haha.

Anyhow, it definitely lightened the mood slightly too.

Let your husband go, make sure he goes to the right funeral... Flowers Much love x

RuthyToothy · 22/04/2016 11:53

Is this a reverse?

You'd hope so, wouldn't you?

It must be very difficult to cope with the realisation that someone's funeral isn't all about what suits you best Hmm

GladGran · 22/04/2016 11:55

My daughters XH's first wife invited herself to stay with usr - we had never met. We all had a lovely time!

GladGran · 22/04/2016 11:55

us

SoupDragon · 22/04/2016 12:00

It must be very difficult to cope with the realisation that someone's funeral isn't all about what suits you best

Even more difficult than reading the whole thread.

RuthyToothy · 22/04/2016 12:04

Even more difficult than reading the whole thread

I read the thread. I know the OP retracted. Still doesn't change the fact that her initial response to her husband attending the funeral was extremely self-centred.

cheekymommy69 · 22/04/2016 12:17

You don't need him!

You are a strong, independant women that doesn't need a mans help!

Sending Love,
CR Smile

Waltermittythesequel · 22/04/2016 12:36

Still doesn't change the fact that her initial response to her husband attending the funeral was extremely self-centred

Which she acknowledged. Why bash her about it now?

mumwhite · 22/04/2016 13:10

My sister's ex MIL died and she refused to go to the funeralBlush. We all told her she was being unreasonable.

SoupDragon · 22/04/2016 14:33

Still doesn't change the fact that her initial response to her husband attending the funeral was extremely self-centred.

Oh it must be wonderful to be rational and perfect all of the time. How do you manage it?

AgentPineapple · 22/04/2016 15:46

soup that's unnecessarily narky, that's what the thread is about so people are sharing their opinion. It has already been acknowledged that OP has changed her tune.

Lweji · 22/04/2016 16:30

It'd not really Soup who's being unnecessarily narky.

AgentPineapple · 22/04/2016 16:48

Disagree

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/04/2016 16:58

...Do you realise the first part of Soup's post was a quote Pineapple? If so, your opinion of what is 'narky' is warped.

ouryve · 22/04/2016 17:27

This thread is turning into the drunken brawl after the wake is over.

AgentPineapple · 22/04/2016 17:29

paulanka it's the last part?? Thought that was glaring obvious.

BoatyMcBoat · 22/04/2016 17:56

I don't think Soup was being unnecessarily narky GrinWink

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 22/04/2016 18:13

After reading the responses I do feel sorry for you. I think you know that you are being unreasonable, and you used mumsnet for the same reasons that I do.
You were hoping that maybe one person out there would tell you that's it's okay to feel this way, so you can justify what you feel.
I think many have asked your age because it's quite an immature and insecure response to your husband doing quite a nice thing actually. Put yourself in his shoes, his children will be in mourning for their grandfather. How could he not be there? Would you want to be with a man who didnt care about being there? He wants to say goodbye to a man who was once his father in law. He may even want to support his ex wife. It doesnt matter how he feels about her now. He must have loved her once, they had children together and she has now lost her father. He will pay his respects and then he will come home to You! He sounds lovely. Count yourself lucky, don't be angry when reading these, use it as a learning experience and in the nicest possible way. Grow up Smile

lorilobs · 22/04/2016 18:23

I'm sure you get the jist...
I understand you'd feel jealous. But it's not really valid.
Cut him slack. He sounds like he's being decent.

LizzyELane · 22/04/2016 18:26

OP I'm sad to see so many negative posts on here from people who must all be very confident and happily secure in their relationships! I know how difficult a jealous/excluded emotion is to deal with, however rational you try to be about the situation. My DP has been quite involved recently with his ex- wife , his children (which I understand) and his elderly ex FIL because elderly MIL very ill in hospital. He is very good friends still with his ex and my uncomfortable feelings about this are sometimes quite irrational and uncomfortable. But I know he loves me and I hope you are in a similar situation. OP we have no choice when getting involved with a divorced man other than to try and deal with feeling 'funny' about the life they had before us, I know how hard this is... I think the fact that he isn't friends with his ex but still wants to attend the funeral just means he's a really nice man who formed a relationship with his FIL and also wants to support his children as their granddad has died. I would say take a deep breath, send your condolences to all concerned, be caring for the children's and your husband's loss, the funeral will be over and you will have survived with dignity and good grace! But I do understand your angst, please ignore the posts attacking you!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/04/2016 18:40

Pineapple I was hoping you were incorrectly assuming, not that you were making a deliberately daft comment.