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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD4 biting DS and me flipping out..

16 replies

Kiddiewinks2008 · 20/04/2016 20:18

Just had horrible incident at home- DD4 bit DS8 on the back really badly - he was screaming & she was literally hanging off him by her teeth Shock She has never ever done anything like that before & seemed to have turned feral for 5 minutes.
Anyway, I completely flipped out (in shock I think) and lost it with her, sent her to her bed and closed the door. I think I really shocked her with how angry I was. I left her for 5 mins & then got her to apologise to DS.
AIBU to think I handled it really badly? I feel terrible for properly losing it but I was so shocked.
Any advice about how to handle biting? DS is a quiet boy who never bit anyone!

OP posts:
cansu · 20/04/2016 20:22

I think you probably handled it just fine. She needs to know it is unacceptable and you have shown her this. Assuming she has been shouted at and sent to bed early this is not going to cause her any permanent harm if you are normally calm. My dd bit me hard once in town. I was furious and told her off very angrily. She was marched straight back home. It did have an impact and I don't think she has done it since.

sepa · 20/04/2016 20:26

Depends on what your reaction was. If you dragged DD to her room and swore at her whilst beating her then you handled it badly. If you got angry and shouted (more than you usually would) then I think something as bad as biting warrants being told off more than you usually would. Your DD needs to know biting is unacceptable

PPie10 · 20/04/2016 20:30

Why are you so scared of giving her a proper telling off? She needed more than that.

Original poster
Kiddiewinks2008 · 20/04/2016 20:30

Definately no swearing or beating Shock but I did really shout. We have just had a discussion to find out why she did it and to explain how unacceptable it was. She was really shocked at my reaction.

OP posts:
NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 20/04/2016 20:30

Nothing you've said here is unreasonable so unless you mean something extreme by flipping out yanbu

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 20/04/2016 20:30

It's also important for your DS to know that you are taking it seriously and she's not "getting away with it"

mumcantmakeadecision · 20/04/2016 20:31

She's 4. More than old enough to know better. I think the shock of you going mad might make her realise just how bad her behaviour was. ( I'd have left her a lot longer than 5 mins)

Original poster
Kiddiewinks2008 · 20/04/2016 20:32

Flipping out for me is shouting very loudly- I just hate hearing myself do it at the kids but it was so shocking to see her biting a chunk out of ds

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 20/04/2016 20:33

I think 5 minutes in your bedroom, your mum shouting at you and having to say sorry for such a bad bite is getting off pretty lightly tbh.

Original poster
Kiddiewinks2008 · 20/04/2016 20:35

Thats the thing- I dont really know how to handle it as its never happened before

OP posts:
BMW6 · 20/04/2016 20:35

Not unreasonable at all OP.

My older DSis was a biter - till Mum bit her back one day. Not hard, but enough so she knew how it felt. She never bit again. That was back in the late 50's, and the past is a foreign country so I am not recommending you do the same, but shouting at your DD is not something you should feel badly about IMO.

winchester1 · 20/04/2016 20:37

I did the same (naught step rather than room) when my two yr old bit the month old. I think it is instinct and also what they need to heat. Biting is unacceptable.
I've seen since he physically stops himself when he get the urge.moves her hand away and says 'no' to.himself. Its just learning self control I suppose.

winchester1 · 20/04/2016 20:38

Sorry little one was 8 months. 1 month would be neglect on my part.

CalibratedNellyphant · 20/04/2016 20:41

I think your reaction was appropriate for the situation as biting like that is not acceptable and at her age she should know not to do it.

I don't shout at my DCs unless they have done something really bad and they tend to be shocked when I do shout at them because they aren't used to it. But it shows them that their behaviour was really unacceptable. Hopefully your DD will have learnt that today.

Janecc · 20/04/2016 21:06

I think it's fine how you handled it. We are all allowed to get angry sometimes. Occasionally I shout loudly and it really upsets DD. If you don't shout often, i think your DD will have been mightily surprised and it will have made a very big impact on her so hopefully that's the last time she bites.
My dh was a biter apparently and bit his cousin so the mother arrived and bit him hard, he never did it again. It was the 70's.

whois · 20/04/2016 21:53

She's lucky he 8 year old didn't wallop her in self defence. Biting HURTS so the 8 year old did well not to retaliate.

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